This post was submitted by Jean

Sometimes I fantasize about running into Kate Winslet on the street. Maybe I’m visiting England for a business trip and eating alone in a restaurant. Maybe she’s in Chicago filming a new romantic comedy and she’s wearing dark glasses behind a book in an oversized leather chair at Intelligentsia just trying to gain a moment of respite. She and I meet-cute when I spill my drink and we lock eyes. Yes Kate, we both drink iced Americanos because they are bold, complex and unpretentious…just like us. I convince her to blow off her next appointment with Peter Jackson and I escort her back to my apartment. She thinks my one bedroom is charming, likes my skull belt and is totally turned on by my artistic disorganization. She loves my cats, tells me my curly hair is sexy and pulls me by the front of my collared shirt into my bedroom…

Then black. Nothing. No hot and heavy. No noises for the neighbors. The fantasy abruptly ends because my mind refuses to let me get busy with Kate Winslet. My sense of logic refutes my ability to imagine the possibilities because I can’t write fiction. It’s not me. I can dream up a million reasons why Kate Winslet would take a chance on a lowly blogger like myself. Its not a personal thing that I can’t get over. Kate Winslet will never go home with me (even in fantasy) because she’s not into girls. She’s not gay. But why, Kate, for the love of Leonardo DiCaprio, why can’t a hottie like you just dig chicks???

Kate Winslet’s stunning looks offend me, and they should offend the entire gay community. It’s not fair that we queer girls never have a chance with Kate because she plays for the “other” team.  Why can’t more super hot women be queer?

Even our fantasies about the L-Word cast have to be curbed by their off-screen sexual orientations. It’s not fair that they tease us like that and go home to their boyfriends and husbands. Why do Penelope Cruz, Julianne Moore and Tina Fey have to be straight? It makes me feel like the high school girl with a crippling crush on, or “long term” relationship with, the boy who turns out to be gay. I want to bury myself in bad poetry, rocking and crying, “Why won’t Jenny Lewis ever love me?? Why can’t we be together? I just don’t understand!!”

There are just too many women out there that are frustratingly straight. Although, there is sometimes a little flicker of hope. When the gorgeous Portia DiRossi came out it was like a lighted beacon in the mist – in the heavy fogs gay celebrities Rosie O’Donnell and Chastity (now Chaz) Bono – there was a sex symbol, a super hot super, seemingly untouchable (read: straight) woman who suddenly became possible. We did get Jodie Foster, too. And Sara Gilbert (whom at least I have had a decade long crush on).

I suppose the opposite problem occurred when Ricky Martin came out and all the poor gals out there who had been dreaming that one day he might become their husband were crushed by his true sexual orientation. Well, maybe there was a gal or two who held out hope. At least one. Fine, this one was probably a win for gay boys.

Lucky, both sides still can gamble on Anderson Cooper. He’s still technically a free agent for fantasy. And for me? Maybe I’ll refocus my Kate Winslet fantasies on the sexually ambiguous Kate Moennig. I’ve probably got a better shot with convincing my mind I have a chance with her.

So, who are the straight gals or guys you gays wish would switch teams?

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