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Ideas, In Case You Missed It, TNG »

Though it was a rainy week all across the eastern seaboard, this was a slow week was a drought for TNG. We are still looking for writers so head over to our Get Involved page for more information.

Ideas, In Case You Missed It »

Your Managing Editor fell asleep on his desk this afternoon with a nice dry German wine and a Firefox window full of science blogs in front of him, so you get to read about evolutionary trends in Pleistocene megafauna. As he asks the other 9.1% of unemployed Americans about cheaper, more social ways to kill time on Friday afternoons, check out some highlights from this week’s content:

Ideas, In Case You Missed It »

You know what makes it hard to write sex jokes on a Friday afternoon? Paralyzing, recurrent earthquake-induced anxiety attacks, and the acute Kantian terror of seeing a giant uncaring death spiral lurch toward the cities and people you love. TNG promises puns next week so long as D.C. isn’t reduced to a fetid slurry of salt water, pulverized marble, and broken flesh. God damn.

Ideas, In Case You Missed It »

Slaving over a hot laptop for hours every day, pausing only for routine masturbation and mid-afternoon Irish coffees, means that TNG is more sensitive to labor and workplace struggles than the rest of the gay blogosphere combined. You can only imagine, then, the kinds of tears we managed to squeeze out of our horrifically exploited glands when this news came up in our facebook feed:

Foreign Students in Work Visa Program Stage Walkout at Plant

PALMYRA, Pa. — Hundreds of foreign students, waving their fists and shouting defiantly in many languages, walked off their jobs on Wednesday at a plant here that packs Hershey’s chocolates, saying a summer program that was supposed to be a cultural exchange had instead turned them into underpaid labor.

… When [one student] was offered a contract for a job at a plant with Hershey’s chocolates, she said, she was excited. “We have all seen Charlie’s chocolate factory,” she said. “We thought, ‘This is good.’ ”

We knew American capitalism was in a tough spot, but the shit is outright Dickensian. Now TNG is going to have to buy our Valentine’s Day candy at Whole Foods instead of CVS, lest we risk the political ire of whatever lefty we’re blowing regularly come February, even it means forfeiting the right to say things like “I like my chocolate packed by 19-year-old Turkish guest workers,” which after our semester abroad in Berlin we were used to saying with impunity. Probably the most shocking part the story is that undergraduates were actually engaged, however briefly, in some socially productive activity. If TNG had majored in candybar wrapping instead of the humanities, maybe we wouldn’t be in our pajamas right now, covered in cookie crumbs, wondering why we’re poor and single.

Ideas, In Case You Missed It »

World capitalism continues its slow, beautiful, cabaret-tragic, compellingly Winehousean downward spiral of self-destruction. TNG does not care. TNG has been at the gay beach wrangling three-ways with our friends Jim Beam and Jose Cuervo since Wednesday, and the closest we’ve come to “economics” for 72 hours has been drunkenly totaling ice cream calories on our Iphones. “Blogging” means we didn’t even have to take vacation days for this. If this makes you feel any envy at all, it’s because you haven’t seen our checking account statements.

If you knew how early and hungover we had to get up this morning to compile a list of this week’s top articles, you’d read them all out of guilt:

Ideas, In Case You Missed It »

Dealing with stock market crashes when you’re young, poor, and politically left is like dealing with a girlfriend’s menstrual cramps when you’re young, gay, and sexually frustrated: … you know what, actually? TNG refuses to limit itself to a punchline on this one, so fecund is the comparison. Plus we’ve not really ended happy hour since yesterday afternoon when we found out that the Dow Jones lost 500 points and our yuppie friends started filling our facebook feed with sad emoticons and references to something called a “401(k).” We’re just glad we put everything we had into beer and used Sartre hardbacks before the market tanked.

As you wander the burnt-out ruins of financial capitalism for, like, the seventeenth time this century, review some highlights from this week’s content:

Ideas, In Case You Missed It »

TNG is really tired of having to pretend this shit is funny. After the announcement of another American semi-recession and levels of growth sluggish enough to make Gore Vidal’s erections seem spirited, congressional Republicans are days away from Hindenberging/Titanicking/American Airlines Flight 11ing/Other Insensitive Historical Collision Referencing our economy into the debt ceiling and gutting the social safety net that decent caring civilized human beings took a century to build. What does this mean for the average queer working stiff? Rail drinks, and lots of them, because you won’t be able to afford anything else for another decade or so. Better yet, buy the cheap stuff and mix at home – make sure you spring for the glass bottle, though, because plastic doesn’t fragment effectively in Molotov cocktails.

Ideas, In Case You Missed It »

If you’re reading these words with unmelted corneas, it’s from somewhere less hot than eastern North America – the Sahara perhaps, or the inside of a post-meltdown Fukushimi Daiichi reactor, or the space between Marcus Bachmann’s superego and groin at a college wrestling tournament. If so, congratulations on being in a place where wearing more than briefs is as comfortable as it is socially mandated: TNG has been naked in its unairconditioned bedroom all day eating Otter Pops and debating whether or not a 110 degree heat index is nature’s way of telling us we should shave our chest hair, and is terribly envious of you. Seriously – it smells like water buffalo have been fighting in here.

As we sweatily regret not being able to work cultural references to “Disco Inferno” and “Paris is Burning” into this week’s Week in Review, check out some highlights from the past seven days’ content:

Ideas, In Case You Missed It »

The Week in Review is usually marks the time in the publishing schedule when we escape, however briefly, the deadening gravity of queer self-analysis to comment on broader, more lighthearted subjects: war, political violence, hate speech, the apocalypse. This week we can afford no such levity: Zack Rosen, TheNewGay’s Co-founder and Editor-in-Chief, announced this Wednesday that he’ll be stepping down from his post after more than four years of dedicated service. From all of us who have struggled and sweated underneath you for hours on end, often into the small hours of morning, fueled by nothing but cheap stimulants and the magnetism of your personality: Thank you Zack. You will be greatly fucking missed. Incidentally it was an honor to work for you at the blog.

Ideas, In Case You Missed It »

As the last wisps of adrenaline and black powder dissipate in the post-Independence Day heat, fans of Enlightenment, democracy, and day drinking all over the civilized world prepare for the second big political holiday of the summer. Bastille day does more than shamefully remind Americans that real revolutions do more than overturn tea taxes; with a mock guillotinings in public squares all over the French-speaking world, there’s no better time for unsettlingly necrophilic “getting head” puns. In the famous last words of Louis XVI: “SSSPHHHT gurglegurglegurglegurrrrgllleeee.”

As you’re polishing your blade for this year’s Reign of Terror-themed BDSM party, catch up on some highlights from this week’s content: