all right so gender should be as simple as gay or straight

cuz if you are attracted to the opposite gender

you’re straight

if you are attracted to the same gender

well i guess you’re gay

therefore if you have a penis you’re a man

and if you have a vagina you’re a woman

straight shot

straight answer

The gender binary is a form of oppression and hierarchy. There are as many genders as there are people. Gender is a social construct created by people to dictate what sort of life a person should have by what’s in their pants. Most people never think to question their gender accepting what has been instilled in them from the time they were born. However, some of us do. We are the gender rebels and we walk amongst you. For some of us, the standard model of reality being separated into male and female is unacceptable. I don’t identify as either male or female. I am something else outside of the gender binary. I am genderqueer.

Information travels quickly, especially in a tight-knit area. I’d rather get through this period with as less difficulty as possible…Does this make me a bad trans and queer person for remaining mostly closeted?

My own understanding of sexual orientation and gender change everyday. I remember in high school and in college, even after I came out, feeling like because I wasn’t as feminine as my female friends that that must mean I was masculine. If not feminine, masculine – because there were only two options, right?

 It really hit me more than usual during a dogpile of frisky gay men on a couch at a New Year’s Eve party. No, I wasn’t in the dogpile. I was to the side, watching with amusement and the sting of longing. How I wished I could be a part of that easy intimacy, to be desired and accepted without question in the community of gay and queer men. I sometimes feel as if I am just some token anomaly to be tolerated, not just “a guy” or even “the short, awkward lad with glasses”, but “the transgender dude.”

This month Seventeen magazine published an article titled “My Boyfriend Turned Out to be a Girl”. The article portrays Sheri, who dated a female-to-male transman named Derek (which means ‘he is a he,’ not the offensive ‘he is a she’). Once Derek was outed as trans, Sheri depicts him as a deceptive liar. The article features other girls’ stories of “total betrayal” from a boyfriend. Examples of ‘total betrayal’ listed include: a drug addict, a pervert who cruises craigslist looking for casual sex, or an older man who knowingly pursues a girl young enough to be his daughter.

I might have fucked up with this package of cheap boxers (Fruit of the Loom, oh yeah) that I bought yesterday from my local Target. They might size too big. Granted, I did pay $7 for the pack and am trying to shrink them a bit in the dryer, but still I feel kind of stupid. At least these weren’t meant to be sexy underwear by any means (unless you dig baggy knit boxers in colours like teal, gray, and navy).

Today is transgender day of remembrance. Though The New Gay does not currently have as many trans writers as we would like (and always welcome trans viewpoints from our readers) the topic is an important one to us. Since I do not believe there are as many forums for cisgendered queer people to discuss trans issues, today’s question is as follows:

It is easy to feel hopeless, unwanted, and despised when the world around you refuses to accept you and your true identity, or refuses to validate you as a human being. It hurts even more when this comes from those closest to you, like your family, partner, co-workers, and friends. Even things like going to the bathroom or telling people what you would like to be called can be extremely stressful. Knowing people think of you as “freak” and “it” and might even call you that to your face wreaks havoc on your self-esteem. The mental and emotional scars can weigh heavily, and then add that to the pre-existing discomfort of living in a body that doesn’t exactly match up with who you really are, and struggling physically and mentally to become the person who you truly are… It can become unbearable. And while these scars are not as apparent as the ones left by a punch in the face or a kick in the ribs, they still cause great harm and even death.

In a way it kind of sounds like a bad sitcom set-up: The guy who was raised as a girl can’t talk to girls!

Seriously, I’m an awkward, nervous little boy when it comes to women…And it shows. I say stupid and random things, get all fidgety and twitchy, and stumble over my words. Then afterwards (the conversations don’t usually last long, probably much to the relief of everyone involved in the grueling ordeal), I can’t help but think “What the fuck is wrong with me?!”