The Dinah is, for the those uninitiated, can best be defined as “Lesbian Spring Break.” It’s tons and tons of drunken lesbians in bathing suits at various pool parties and various dance parties that all feature various special celebrity guests. Some of this year’s big names? Samantha Ronson, Ke$ha, Kelly Rowland, plus tons of lesbian comedians, actors and lots of allies. It’s been featured on The L Word. And the lesbian blogosphere has been buzzing about it for weeks now. And as the Dinah actually begins this week, everyone seems to be super excited. Except for me. Because I’m pretty sure I would find the Dinah to be the most terrifying thing ever.

Yes, some of my favorite things include: sun, fun, beer, hotels and dancing. However, some of my least favorite things also include: crowds, dance parties that most likely feature fog machine, people doing it in public, vomit and, again, crowds. A week hanging out with my friends at the beach dancing? Sounds great. A week hanging out with my friends drinking with about 500 other people, some of whom might be vomiting, and attempting to dance in places with fog machines? Not appealing. A least, not once I’m there.

I’m fairly certain I would be fairly miserable if I actually ever went to The Dinah. On the other hand, I’m definitely curious. I think I might like it better than the Michigan Womyn’s Music Festival (too many feelings) but less than Pride, because that allows similar activities but with the abilities to hide out in a friend’s apartment and away from the fog machines if you want to.

I think part of the curiosity is because I never did the whole spring break thing. The closest thing I think my friends and I ever got to “doing” the Spring Break thing was the week after our college graduation where a bunch of us kind of drifted from our apartment near campus to the various Maine beach houses our friends’ parents had rented. But that wasn’t so much like Spring Break as much as the tour of weird happiness and sadness. The idea of going to the beach for a week–when the beach isn’t populated by drunk straight girls and annoying dude bros but other lesbians is appealing. And I can almost convince myself that it’s worth going. Again, some of my favorite things include: sun, fun, beer, hotels and dancing!

But that’s when I have to remember the things that I don’t like. Way too many people, which means lines for the bar that are way too long. Dancing, but with fog machines, which means I won’t be concentrating on dancing but on how bad fog machines smell. People doing it in public? Yeah, that’s just inevitable at Dinah Shore. All sorts of drunk people? Someone’s bound to vomit. And, sadly, the fact that there are crowds. And since I’m not a V.I.P. and I won’t get a special hotel room, or section at the bar or dance party, I’d be subject to them all weekend. Ugh.

The more I think about it, the more I end up talking myself out of it. What do you think, readers? Is “Lesbian Spring Break” for you?

We all know I hate coming out. Coming out in the office is a place where I especially hate it. Or, the idea of it. Because I’ve never done it before.

Okay, that’s not totally true. When I worked at my college coffeehouse, I was out. Since it was student-run, it would have been impossible not to. When I worked as a desk assistant for the Women and Gender Studies department, I was out to my professor, but not my supervisor. That was primarily because I rarely saw her.  But still, I wasn’t out.

I’ve also had various internships, none of which I’ve come out at either. With the exception of one that I had before I was even ready to be out to anyone at all, let alone a judge on the Louisiana Court of Appeals, I wasn’t out. But I never purposefully hid  — I was just never asked, or around long enough for it to be something that would have come up.

I was at my last job for about a year and a half and, in a lot of ways, there was no reason for me not to come out. I thought about it a lot of times. One of my bosses was a total liberal, but the other one was an ultra-Catholic who celebrated Reagan’s birthday. I never had any plans to come out to the Reagan-birthday-celebrator.  Though I did contemplate coming out to my lady boss a few times, I never really had the chance before I decided it was time to cancel those plans. On my way to meet with a client, she asked about various things I had done in college that could impress the client. I mentioned some of my work with the school’s gay-straight alliance. Her response: “That’s great, but don’t say that. Just say school clubs and organizations.”

That kind of made if official for me that at that job, my gayness wasn’t welcome. But now, things are different. I’ve got a new job, and they are all about the gays. And by that, I mean that judging solely from appearance and words of wisdom for friends, they are super, super gay friendly. Which means there is absolutely no reason for me not to come out.

But it’s just not that easy. Not that I think anyone I have met so far will care, but–how will I actually do it? It’s not like people wander around asking you if you’re gay. Or make you check off a box while selecting your computer preferences. It’s not even on the stupid Equal Opportunity form I had to fill out eight times. Besides casually dropping, “Ah, well my ladyfriend and I…” in some sort of casual conversation, I can’t figure out a way that’s not hideously awkward. These are the moments when I could pull of being butcher, a little more stereotypically gay. But, unfortunately I can’t rock a fauxhawk so much as I can “rock” looking like a twelve-year-old boy.

What about you, dear readers? Any helpful hints for coming out at work that’s not super awkward or cringe-inducing?

The trees represent the barrenness that is life without Five Guys.

If there is one stereotype of lesbians I’ve always hated, it’s the vegetarian one. I am very, very proudly not a vegetarian. I was a vegetarian all through high school (though primarily as a dieting technique, not really a stance on animal rights) but quickly went back to my meat eating ways after my first rugby match in college. Also when I realized that if I wanted to eat in my college’s dining hall and didn’t want to eat tofu, it was time to start eating meat again. After depriving myself for four years, I realized that meat was glorious. I made a few attempts to stop eating meat after that, but I would just quite literally forget that I was a vegetarian.

But I didn’t really start to dislike the vegetarians until I started dating this girl we’ll call “Ali.” She was super activisty, used to have dreadlocks, worked on an organic farm (which meant free raw milk and goat cheese for me) and, of course, was a vegetarian. It probably wouldn’t have really been a problem except for the fact that our relationship was already insanely dysfunctional and not only was she really, really pushy about being a vegetarian, she was really, really insistant on making me eat healthy foods (like vegetables) and not meat. Which I hated. Not to mention all my vegetarians friends who have suddenly gotten “too good” for normal people foods, and insist on stretching their last dollars so they can by their organic cous cous and frozen vegetables at Whole Foods, rather than Giant.

Anyway, I’m pretty sure that’s where my distrust and disliking of vegetarians came from. It’s terrible, but if you’re a vegetarian, I’m going to like you a little bit less. At least until you prove that you aren’t going to constantly guilt trip me for eating meat or be really self-righteous about it. So, you probably have an idea of how I reacted when my girlfriend told me she wanted to become a vegetarian.

First off, I was kind of annoyed that I suggested going to the zoo, because that was what sparked the whole thing. Secondly, I was a little bit cranky, because I knew this was something I was going to have to do too. And after realizing that, I was sad. For my girlfriend and I becoming “that” lesbian-vegetarian-cat-having couple was never, ever something that was on the agenda. I like not fitting into the lesbian-vegetarian mold; I like getting gift cards to steakhouses for my birthday. But this was something my girlfriend really wanted to do; she knew it would help both of us eat healthier, and she knew that was something that we both needed to do. So, we became vegetarians.

I started eating my lunch time burritos without chicken, and on pizza day, I got a slice of cheese and a slice of spinach and artichoke. We had salads for dinner. But then I got a new job, and I wanted to celebrate. And I wanted beef shawarma. So I got beef shawarma. But that was just for a day — it was a special treat, a single exception to my new vegetarian lifestyle. Except then, a few days later, I had to give my two weeks notice, which was really stressing me out. So afterwards, I decided I deserved Five Guys. And it was pretty much then that I stopped being a vegetarian.

Here’s the thing: I just like eating meat. I like junk food. And while my girlfriend is still going strong, there’s just no way I can do it. Not only do I not enjoy it, it’s just something that doesn’t mesh with my personality. I spent my high school vegetarian days consisting off of Diet Coke, Easy Mac, white rice and that’s about it. It wasn’t healthy in any way, shape or form; it was simply an affective way to keep my weight down. I’ve never been able to eat tofu or anything made out of soy. Not to mention the fact I don’t really like fruit or vegetables, it’s just not really the lifestyle for me. I like crappy, crappy junk food. I like greasy pizza. I had a pulled buffalo sandwich this weekend and it was amazing.

So while I’m done with being a lesbian vegetarian, my girlfriend isn’t which means I can’t really go around cursing lesbian vegetarians more, since I’m currently with one. It’s definitely been a weird adjustment; no more Five Guys, no more trips to the steak house. But luckily, she’s not one to get self-righteous, and (at least for now) she still gets jealous while I eat a delicious deli sandwich while she picks at her spinach and feta panini. As long as she doesn’t try to make me eat a tofu-stir fry-pizza concotion, like a previously mentioned girlfriend, I think we’ll be okay.

So when Ani DiFranco came to town, I knew I would need to go since my girlfriend is a pretty big fan. And as my friend Liz says, “You can’t choose who you love, and you can’t choose what music they like.” With this mind, I got ready for the big show. After all, my girlfriend spent hours crushed against the stage for me for The Breeders; it only seemed fair to do the same for her and Ani.

When we got to the 9:30 club, I found myself in a sea sensible shoes, but, on the whole, in a more diverse crowd then I had expected. Yes, there were dreads and lots of gay ladies, but there also plenty of straight couples. The Amelie Award for best audience member of the night went to the sixty-ish man wearing a suit and tie, though the man in the sparkly pinstripe shirt and the ridiculous girls screaming every single lyric all received honorable mentions.

The show was opened by Erin McKoewn, who is good at the following things: playing guitar, engaging the audience and telling funny stories about Dionne Warwick. She also had a fun hairdo and a cute blazer.

Ani’s set was supposed to start at 9:00, and Ani won the night’s promptness award for starting right on time. The first thing I noticed was completely superficial–Ani is a lot cuter in person than in pictures. But shallowness aside, the second she started playing I realized that Ani is definitely, definitely one of those artists who sounds a million times better live than she does in recordings.

The first portion of her set was dominated by upbeat songs, some newer and some old, mixed with some pretty funny anecdotes. Ani was in a great mood, and her bubbly personality was apparent as she had to re-glue one of her fake nails on and explained to the audience how she had to stock up on her favorite brand of fake nails when she found out that they were going to be discontinued.

Before she played some of her newest songs, Ani acknowledged the fact that she kind of felt like she had nothing to really say anymore, and what she did have to say was getting more and more ridiculous. This was definitely true–while her song about passing the Equal Rights Amendment had me laughing and wanting to scream out my hatred for Phyllis Schlafly, another newer song that could have been titled “Ani DiFranco’s Thoughts About Television and Going To Whole Foods,” was a little less interesting.

However, when she stuck by her older music, Ani really shined. Her guitar playing is pretty amazing; her hands literally fly up and down the neck of the guitar and I can’t even figure out what kind of strumming/picking combination she was doing. The energy she brought to her songs resonated through one of the most pumped-up audiences I’ve ever been a part of. Not to mention that her set featured an amazing xylophone solo by a member of her band, which, in my book, is one of the best things someone could ever decide to do in concert.

So, while I was dreading going to this concert a few days ago, I have to admit that I really did have a good time, and that I not only have a new respect for Ani DiFranco, but that I actually like her a little bit. In concert, anyway. Not only was Ani a fun and engaging stage presence, she put on a really energetic show that proved that her skills as an artist and her abilities to put on a great show.

John Ameachi

Meredith Baxter Birney

Martina Navritalova

That’s my completely unscientific analysis of a potential phenomenon. Agree? Completely disagree and think I’m being a streotypical jerk (I promise, while I think this is real, it’s not like I go around stereotyping based on what they look like)? Have other examples? Leave them in the comments!

And yes, it's more than just the lingerie football league.

I love football. This is something that becomes pretty evident when someone mentions the subject around me and I start rattling off statistics about my team (the Saints, and yes…WHO DAT!) and almost every other team in the NFL. Not to mention the fact that all my close friends know not to bother me on Sundays, because there’s no way I’m hanging out with them, unless they want to sit through four hours of silent football watching with me.

So, of course, Sunday was a Very.Important.Day for me. Not only were the Saints in the Super Bowl for the first time ever, it’s the biggest day in football, and it’s a day the pretty much revolves around eating. Basically, all of my favorite things.

But during the pre-game build up, there was one thing I noticed this year, which is that, apparently, the Super Bowl is not for girls.

Not only were there the usual plethora of Super Bowl guides for girls, in a their demeaning glory, but even those whose primary audiences were women couldn’t really write a decent article about the Super Bowl. I saw articles saying that women have every right to enjoy the Super Bowl and article making up their own “Super Bowl” match-ups, but nothing that really actually address women and their interest in football.

And that only becomes more evident when you actually watch the game, in particular the just-as-hyped commercials that air around it. Women only serve as background players, in ads clearly designed to appeal to men, and their manliness. And when you think about some of the programming designed as alternatives to football, in particular Puppy Bowl, it’s clear what women are supposed to choose to watch. Because women like cute puppies, not men running around in tight pants throwing a ball back and forth to each other.

I know that I’m not the only girl that loves football, and I  know that I’m not the only lesbian. There are times when I don’t mind feeling like the only girl in the boy’s club, but at this point, it’s getting a little out of control.

Fun Quotes from the TNG Staff, Vol. 1

Staffer 1: Give the lesbian her tote bag!

Staffer 2: Give the gay man his purse!

A few weeks ago, in a great piece about femininity/masculinity, Jean mentioned that an interest in cutesy handbags is one of those clear delineators of feminity, which is something I find to be true. Like shoes, handbags are the territory of the hyper-feminine, image-concious woman. And, as the general stereotype would go, this doesn’t include lesbians. It’s a stereotype that I think fits, for the most part. While your fashion lesbians may waltz around with frilly purses, from my unscientific observations, most lesbians go for utility over OMG! CUTE BAG ALERT! when selecting their bag of choice.

And while I’ve never been someone that really falls into these stereotypes, when it comes to the anti-purse bandwagon, I’m totally there.

As a general rule, I don’t like purses. There are several reasons for this.

First, I just cannot justify dropping over 50 dollars for a decent bag. In case you were curious, $50 also equals a week’s worth of Five Guys. Yum. Purses under $50 aren’t worth it, at least for me. With the volume of stuff I tend to carry, handles tend to get broken within weeks. Then I’m out another $20 or $30 (yes, I realize this equals $50. It’s the lump sum that scares me).

Second, there’s the size issue. I know there are some pretty big purses out there, but most of the ones I have tried just aren’t big enough. Currently, I’m carrying two books, various paperwork, a new videogame, a box of macaroni and cheese, a container of tea and two empty water bottles. This list is often expanded to include my laptop, up to six Diet Cokes, a change of clothes and my Teddy bear. So as you can probably imagine, your standard-size purse doesn’t meet my needs.

Finally, there’s the feminity issue. I think I’m pretty feminine, but there is just something about purses I find to be too delicate, even for me. I can’t really pull off a patent leather purse with gold finishings. Nor can I pull off some sort of patterned canvas creation. I can’t do fake leather (and with my $30 purse limit, that’s all you can get). Also, both of those sound ugly. I’m extremely picky, and I find that most purses just don’t fit my feminine-yet-kind-of-a-mess fashion standpoint.

And that’s why, on this issue, I’m totally okay with falling in with the lesbian stereotype. I’ve seen purses come and go, but I’ve always had a tote bag (complete with the name of a women’s health non-profit branded across it) and and a backpack that I know I can always fall back on. Though I’m currently lugging around a ginormous yellow purse, that’s solely because my mother’s Get-Amelie-To-Dress-Like-An-Adult campaign sponsored the purchase of a large enough, high-quality enough purse for me to use. Not to mention that my tote bag is getting nickel-sized holes in the bottom, and my backpack is, well, a navy blue L.L. Bean backpack that I’ve been using for eight years now. And while Big Yellow and I have a good relationship right now, I know that eventually I’ll reunite with my tote and my backpack, the bags that really demonstrate who I am.

What about you girls (or boys)? What kind of bag do you feel most comfortable using?

Anyway, in honor of the BSC books being revitalized for a whole new generation and my nostalgia for children’s/young adult literature, and since they would all be totally legal now, I thought it would be fun to look back at the characters we loved from childhood who are all total lesbians now.

1) Kristy Thomas, The Babysitters’ Club. Lesbian blog Autostraddle recently posted a list of why BSC member Mallory was the one most like to join the team, but I have to disagree. Mallory certainly had potential, but seriously? The most likely to join? It has to Kristy. Yes, she dated Bart of Bart’s Bashers, but still. What 13-year-old Les didn’t have a a sexually frustrated boyfriend? Kristy’s daily uniform consisted of turtlenecks and jeans; she was bossy and loved softball more than anything else. I’m sorry, but given the fact that the author of the BSC series, Ann M. Martin, was a Smith alum, I can’t imagine that Kristy’s baby-dyke tendencies were completely coincidental.

2) Harriet Welsh, Harriet the Spy. Harriet may have been 8, but still. She was super nosy and always had to have the latest gossip. I would say the number one characteristic of any lez is an obsession is a love of gossip and drama, which is basically what Harriet was going after. Plus, those glasses? Only lesbians make passes at girls who wear glasses.

3) Claudia Kincaid, From the Mixed-Up Files of Ms. Basil E. Frankweiler. When I was nine, Claudia Kincaid was my dream girl. A girl from a well-off family in Greenwich runs away from home with her little brother and then takes up residence at the Metropolitan Museum of Art? Amazing. And while Claudia doesn’t have any of the traditional traits of a lesbian-in-the-making, I can see her turning into a full-on Fancy Lesbian when she grows up, what with her interest in museums and mystery solving. And, with her love of being in charge, she might also be one of the original bossy femmes.

4) Amanda, The Headless Cupid. Girl was awesome. She told everyone she was a witch, wore all black all the time, and was generally kind of bitchy. In reality, Amanda probably wouldn’t have grown up to be a lesbian–she probably would have been one of those super-confident, super-attractive girls that says she’s bisexual, then flirts with you for awhile, and then breaks your heart when she starts dating your best friend. Sigh.

5) Turtle Wexler, The Westing Game. The Westing Game is probably one of the best books I’ve read–”grown-up” or not. You’ve got 16 characters with different clues, all trying to figure out why Sam Westing died. While Turtle Wexler may have grown up and married a man, I think it’s just a marriage of convienence. Because if Claudia Kincaid was the original Fancy Lesbian, Turtle was the original Power Lesbian. She schemed and power-played her way through The Westing Game, like baby power dyke trying to buy her first designer pantsuit.

What about you, readers? Who would be on your list?

Yeah, there are a multitude of awful things. First off, the language the author, Ian Daly, chooses to use is really one of the most offensive things. One name for lesbians now dating men? “Refugees from the Isle of Lesbos.” Calling lesbians that now date men refugees implies that lesbianism is an awful, awful thing–something I’m guessing that most lesbians (current or “former”) would not agree with. Not to mention that it marginalizes the experiences of actual refugees. But not content with just that, Daly also manages to ridicule the sexual orientation of certain individuals, namely Lindsay Lohan. While making fun of her sexuality is fairly standard these days, it’s still not excusable. And completely diminishing the fact that she might actually be queer by writing that, “These days it’s safe to say Firecrotch will take whatever she will get.”

Then there’s the sex aspect. Of course, a men’s magazine can’t talk about lesbians without going into sex. Men are apparently worried that they couldn’t compare to lesbians, or that their penises might not be as big as the women’s dildos. Because dildos are clearly the-be-all, end-all, of lesbian sex. And, of course, sex is also all about size.

But probably the most appalling example of Daly’s article is the fact that one of the couples he profiles are a Christian couple that both identify as ex-gays. Not only is it troubling that Daly uses the ex-gay movement as a valid example of women “changing” their sexual orientation for a man, but his article brushes over all the scrutiny the ex-gay movement has come under. It’s not my place to determine the validity of that couple’s relationship, nor is it Daly’s, but to include two people who came into heterosexuality after being converted by a Christian ministry specializing in bringing homosexuals into heterosexuality without even acknowledging the problems and homophobia that have sprung from that movement (like the Ugandan anti-gay legislation) is, at the very least, irresponsible and misleading.

There’s also a second lesbian-themed piece following Daly’s, a cautionary tale entitled “Flirting with Disaster.” The article tells about the danger of men persuading their partners to experiment with other women–shockingly, seemingly to remind men that women don’t just do things to make men happy. While the overall message is certainly better than the preceding piece, it’s still an annoying trend piece that makes it seem shocking that a woman might actually leave a man for another woman.

But what might be the worst thing about these articles is that they are, sadly, pretty much standard fair when it comes to magazines–especially non-queer magazines–covering queer women and their relationships. It would be nice to see a non-trend piece about lesbians, and even better, one that doesn’t focus around how men can get into their pants.

Photo by Hans Bruesch, TNG Flickr Pool

So it turns out that it’s a new decade. This fact didn’t really occur to me until I noticed that all the blogs I read were starting to do “best-of-the-aughts” lists. And then I realized, right. 2010. New decade. It was almost as bad as when I asked a British person if there was some big soccer championship that was equivalent to the Super Bowl. Oh, right. Of course. The World Cup. Anyway, in honor of the new decade beginning, I decided to create a list of things I would like to see in the next decade, rather than trying to recap the last one.

1) A certain lady pop star coming out of the closet. There is a certain lady pop star who I very, very sincerely believe to be a big ole’ lesbian. I would very much like for her to come out of the closet. In fact, I would like more celebrities in general to come out. Because really? The tally of out lesbian actresses (with big careers) is like, four. And I know there have to be more than that.

2) A lesbian couple on a show that isn’t “Grey’s Anatomy.” It’s been documented that the only way that I can watch “Grey’s Anatomy” is if I fast forward through anything that involves illness, surgery, etc., which means I basically fast forward through the entire show, stopping just to watch the lezzy bits. This was kind of worth it when Callie (Sara Rodriguez) was dating Erica Hahn (Brooke Smith), but is completely not worth it now since Callie is dating that annoying girl from the “L Word” that was Bette’s inappropriate TA. My top choices? I think it would be nice if “Glee”‘s Emma Pillsbury found a lady to love, rather than loving annoying Will Schuester. Dude practically ruins the show for me. Also I think it would be nice if Anne on “Parks and Recreation,” aka Rashida Jones, started macking with a girl rather than that dude she’s currently macking with.

3) A TV show about lesbians that is 100 times better than “The L Word.” “The L Word” was an absolutely terrible, horrible TV show. It started out alright, but by the third season it was a disaster that we only kept watching, because we had absolutely nothing else. I propose a new show about lesbians, but one that actually has a decent plot, that is not helmed by the insane (and insanely self-important) Ilene Chaiken, and is sensitive to trans issues.

4) Gay marriage legalized everywhere. Yes, this is might be a bit far-fetched. But weddings are so much fun! I want to wear a pretty dress and dance all night and get lots of presents! It’s like the best birthday ever! And if you’re going to spend all that money on a party, it might as well be legal, right?

5) New lesbian hairstyles, aka “bye-bye faux hawk.” The faux hawk has had its day in the sun. Yes, some people look nice with them. But overall, I’m bored with them. There are lots of other ways to have cute short hair.

Also, I would like the following things: the New Orleans Saints to make it to a certain aforementioned football championship, a pony, a puppy and admission to Hogwarts. But mainly, more lesbians on TV.

1) FOOD. I cannot emphasize enough what a great gift food is. As someone who loves to eat, baking me a cake or cooking me my favorite dinner would be a gift well, well received. And it can be relatively inexpensive, as well. Does your lady/gentleman friend love fancy cheeses? Whole Foods and gourmet cheese shops may seem out of your reach if you’re on a budget, but these places often have little baskets full of tidbits–small pieces of a variety of cheeses that they had left over. Most of these cheese tidbits only cost about a dollar, so for 10 bucks, you could bring home a plethora of cheese samples to try and share together. Baking is also a great idea, as I don’t really know anyone who isn’t happy when a batch of brownies or a Funfetti cake shows up at their doorstep. Putting together an entire meal can be a little more expensive, but if you shop the sales, it won’t be that bad. Most of the major grocery stores have their circulars up online, so you can even comparison shop for deals before you head out into the cold.

2) Flowers. Most people love flowers. And if you’re somewhere where two feet of snow doesn’t cover the ground right now, you can just go and pick some. A hand-picked bouquet is pretty much the definition of romance. Though you should avoid picking them from strangers’ flower gardens.

3) Beer. Most people also enjoy beer. Generally speaking, fancy hard liquor and wine will run you more than $20 bucks, but for $10-$15 you can get a really fancy six back, or at least one large fancy beer. If there’s a beer that you know your gf/bf has been really wanting to try, pick it up. If you can’t remember, but you have an idea of what kind of beers your significant other enjoys, just got to a fancy beer store and describe it to one of the employees, and they should be able to help you find something satisfactory.

4) Movie Night. No, I am not suggesting that you go out to the movies. Not only are tickets expensive, but the popcorn (my favorite part of going to the movies) has gotten outrageously expensive as well. And in my experience, you aren’t really going to leave the movie to get a refill on that extra large soda, so that’s a rip-off too. Rather, I’m suggesting a movie night in, where you let your partner pick the movie. This one really only works if you and your S.O. have significantly different tastes in movies (like me and my girlfriend), so that it’s kind of a big deal for you to sit through a movie that you probably will not enjoy. But! Before agreeing to this, you should really, really, be prepared to watch five hours of Pride and Prejudice or a documentary about women’s suffrage, because trying to get out of this deal does not go over so well.

5) Wait until after Christmas. I’m not suggesting to try and go crazy getting deals here, but–if you and your special friend are willing to wait a few days, then hold off until after Christmas day. Sales abound, things are cheap, and you can even make it a day of shopping for each other. If you don’t mind the cold, that is. If you do mind the cold, you can make it a day of online shopping, as I probably will.

Anyone else have any ideas for low-budget holiday gifts? Any low-budget holiday gift disasters? I’ll start: last year I gave my girlfriend a novelty CD. She bought me a DVD of Ellen and these ridiculous fingerless weightlifting gloves I thought were hilarious. Yeah, novelty CD, not so much.

Recently, Casey Johnson (the heiress of the Johnson & Johnson fortune) and Tila Tequila, the star of “A Shot of Love with Tila Tequila” (everyone’s favorite bisexual dating show) got engaged. About two weeks before they announced their engagement, they both showcased some pretty bizarro behavior. Johnson apparently broke into her ex’s house, stole some of her possessions and then left a used vibrator in her bed. Tila Tequila came out as a lesbian in an all-caps Twitter rant, and then developed some sort of bizarre alter ego. Why does it matter that two crazypants lesbians got engaged? Because the media keeps referring to them as being “engaged.” With the quotations.

Now, I follow my fair share of celebrity gossip. And by fair share, I mean I follow a lot of it. And I’ve never seen a straight couple, no matter how crazy either of them maybe, referred to being “engaged.” I realize that the main reason for the quotations here is because of the fact that both women appear to be so out of it, and that it seems odd that so soon after Johnson’s vibrator-gate, they are engaged with a 10 caret diamond ring on Tequila’s finger. And while that’s true, the quotations still seem unnecessary.

The usage of the parentheses in the New York Post’s Page Six was probably the most egregious–the validity of the engagement didn’t seem to reside on the fact that both of them are crazypants, thus their behavior is suspect–but that it is an “engagement” because gay marriage isn’t legal. Putting engagement in quotations takes any sort of validity from the relationship and thus makes homosexuality and gay marriage suspect, not their behavior.

Do I think that the relationship with Tila Tequila and Casey Johnson will last? No, not at all. Do I really respect them or their relationship? No, but I didn’t really respect the relationship between Carmen Electra and Dennis Rodman either. But when you put a word like “engaged” in quotation marks just because it’s a couple of crazy lesbians are together, that’s not okay. I’m not going to tell gossip columnists to start respecting the loony pseudo-celebrities they are forced to cover–but at least respect their sexuality.

Photo by Hans Bruesch, TNG Flickr Pool

Hello there dear readers! I’m finally back after my extended vacation, semi-well rested, wearing cowboy boots and holding a Texas Longhorns bottle opener I bought at a gas station. For my first column back, I’m going to treat you to some of my experiences actually getting to Texas.

Just to get this out of the way first: I took the train from D.C. to Texas. I know, I know–that’s crazy Amelie! Why would you do that? Because I don’t like flying. Airplanes are scary. The end.

Anyway, so I took the train to Texas. It’s really not that bad. I do the trip in two legs, with a couple hours break in Chicago. Every year when I stop in Chicago, I try to find pizza near by. I have yet to succeed, and the only pizza I have had in Chicago is Pizza Hut. But that’s not the point. I usually do the trip in two parts, and for one of the parts, I usually get what Amtrak likes to call a “roomette.” Roomettes are definitely tiny, but are also definitely great for pretending that you are riding the Hogwarts Express. For the other portion of the trip, I ride coach, which generally involves a seat buddy.

My general train routine, when riding coach, is such: Sit. Take out teddy bear. Take out laptop. Put on movie/TV show/music. Put on headphones. Ignore pretty much everyone else on the train.

That’s my general rule. Unfortunately, the first part of my trip this time had something unexpected. The nice thing about the train is that even the coach cars generally have two power outlets for each seat. And since my computer’s battery doesn’t work, I’m completely dependent on my powercord, so that outlet was something that was pretty important. When I sat down, the outlet was the first thing I looked for. But it wasn’t there. I turned to my seat buddy–a guy about my age, with a giant camouflage backpack and a Texas sweatshirt. He knew what I was looking for. “I don’t think they have outlets on this type of train–it’s an older one. They have them in one of the other cars, though.” With those words, I knew I wouldn’t be able just plug in my computer and ignore everyone. While I had some music on my iPhone, there wasn’t that much. And, as became evident in the next two minutes, my seat buddy was a talker.

It’s not that I don’t like talking to the people sitting next to me when I travel. Sometimes it can be enjoyable. It’s more just that I’m incredibly bad at small talk, and when I have something else I need to be doing–like studying for the GRE–I don’t really want to make a lot of train small talk. But, sometimes it just ends up happening.

We had been talking for a few minutes when the inevitable question came up. He asked me if I had a “significant other.”

That’s when I almost completely froze up. I hate answering that question. Especially to a person who I now knew to be a native Virginian, who was an Iraq vet, and who really liked guns. Not that liking guns or being a war vet makes someone a bad person (especially not the latter), but it does imply a more conservative worldview that isn’t always consistent with being cool with the gays.

I had about five seconds to make my decision: tell him I had a girlfriend I loved very much, or be intentionally vague, lie and tell him I had a boyfriend.

I chose intentionally vague. I sputtered something about being with someone, but that it was complicated, hoping that he wouldn’t press the issue since I noted that it was complicated. It worked, for the most part. He said he was in the same kind of thing.

We chatted for the next few hours, save the hour or so I used attempting to study for the GRE. A few hours later, while he was telling me why he liked reading the Twilight series, I had a thought. Maybe I was wrong about him. He hadn’t done anything homophobic or said anything that would indicate that he though being queer was horrible. I started to feel a certain amount of guilt for pre-judging him. I thought back to when he asked me if I was in a relationship. I remembered that he asked me if I had a significant other, not if I had a boyfriend, as most people do. I got kind of excited–maybe he was more progressive than I thought! Maybe I was the jerk for judging him!

But then a few minutes later, he brought up relationships again, asking about my boyfriend. I didn’t correct him; I was a little too disheartened. I quickly turned the conversation back to him and his ladyfriend. Through telling a few stories about his friends and ladies, he made a quasi-homophobic remark, which kind of reaffirmed my fear that he probably wasn’t cool with the gays, and that his use of the term “significant other” really had no significance at all.

One night while I was home in Texas, though, I caught a clip of Mary-Louise Parker giving a speech after accepting an award from the Hetrick-Martin Institute. In it she spoke of her father, a coal miner who, by every account, should have been a big ol’ homophobe. But he wasn’t. And that ignorance isn’t an excuse, because some of the people who should be most ignorant, can be aware that discrimination and predjudice are wrong. And that didn’t make me feel much better about the fact that I had pretty much decided someone was probably a homophobe, because he seemed like he was more conservative than I was.

Maybe I didn’t give my seat buddy enough of a chance. Maybe, under his conservative views and his mildly homophobic remark, he was really an accepting guy. But at the same time, I didn’t want to put my safety at jeopardy in order to find out. I’m sure we can all imagine the awkwardness (if it was just awkwardness) that could have ensued if I had told him that I was gay. But, at the same time, it feels weird to pre-judge and stereotype others when that’s what we’re fighting against right now.

Photo by Hans Bruesch, TNG Flickr Pool

When you here the words “gay” and “wedding” in a sentence, you’re first thought is probably of two dudes or two ladies getting married. However, that’s not what I mean. For a long time now, an integral part of the marriage debate has been ignored. Meaning, the part that discusses what a gay person is supposed to do at a straight person’s wedding. Especially if they are with a date.

“Act like you would any other day” isn’t really the right answer here. Weddings aren’t usually the day for anyone to act the way they would any other day. It’s pretty much the exact opposite. For example, when I got to a wedding I generally shower, pluck my eyebrows and attempt to style my hair. On a normal day, I might not shower, maybe pluck my eyebrows and I let my hair do what it wants. That’s the thing with weddings. Everyone is trying a little bit harder.

If it’s a family wedding, you want to look nice for your family and prove that, on some occasions, you can look put together.  If a friend is getting married, you’re basically guaranteed that at least one “frenemy,” if you will, is in attendance, if not an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend.

The awkwardness of weddings goes beyond what you wear and what you look like, though. It can also come down to who you bring, though at this point bring a same-sex guest doesn’t have to mean that you are part of a same-sex couple. But there is one thing that determines that: the dancing.

My girlfriend and I have been to two weddings recently, one was for the sister of her best friend; the other was for one of her good friends. At both weddings, we had no clue about the same thing: whether or not we could dance. At the sister’s wedding, which was much more of a family affair, the answer was a pretty clear no. When the average age of attendees is about 45, it’s probably just a better bet that same-sex slow dancing isn’t going to be welcome. But the wedding we went to last weekend–the friend wedding–it was a little more blurry. A large portion of the guests were young people, which means a generally more inviting atmosphere. But at the same time, there were lots of family. Grandparents, Great Aunts, regular aunts, they were all there.

So, my girlfriend asked the groom if it was okay if we danced during slow songs. His response was, “Of course, duh.”

But still, neither of us really felt comfortable. Yeah, it’s their day, and what they says is cool should be cool. But at the same time, weddings generally aren’t just about the people that are getting married. It’s about the parents, the grandparents, and even the great aunts and uncles. Who wants to start some sort of family uproar by dancing to Etta James?

I know that visibility matters, and that in reality, there’s a good chance that no one would have thought anything of it. How many times have two straight girls or straight guys gone up and danced together as a “joke?” A lot of times. But still, I don’t want to have to pass off what I’m doing as something silly when it’s something real.

My girlfriend and I finally did get out on the dance floor for a slow song, but it didn’t last too long. The general awkwardness of queerness in a hyper-heterosexual environment was one thing, but you know what really didn’t help? That two-lady dancing (or two-gentleman dancing) is also just an anomaly to slow-dancing form–who puts their hand on the waist? Who puts theirs on the shoulder? Both go for the shoulder? Both go for the waist? That conundrum certainly doesn’t help things either. We briefly tried one hand on the shoulder, one around the waist, and when that got weird, we tried high-school dance style, which was even weirder. So at that point, we shuffled off the floor, went back to the bar and waited for “Shout”  to come on. Because that is music for everyone to dance to.

1) Obsessively refreshing the Bangor Daily News, which was posting unofficial results as they came in.

2) Obsessively chatting with friends who were also just waiting to hear, and analyzing every aspect of the results as they came in.

3) Obsessively flipping to CNN whenever Keith Olbermann decided it was time to talk about baseball and/or his voice got to loud.

4) Hoping that when the Yes vote started creeping above 50% that somehow the No vote would suddenly swing back up.

But I’m not a Maine native; I grew up in New Orleans, which is the exact opposite of Maine in a lot of ways (though probably not as many as people would think). After Hurricane Katrina, my family had to move to Houston, Texas. At that point, though, I had already been attending college in Maine for two years, and since my mother’s entire family lives in the state, I was spending good portions of my summer vacations there as well, and had been for many years.

So when I didn’t have New Orleans to go home to, Maine became the place. Soon after the hurricane my parents bought a house there, so when school was out, I would head there, rather than trek to Houston, a place that felt completely soulless compared to both Maine and New Orleans. Maine became my second home, and one of my favorite places. Except in the winter. I’m sorry, 90 inches of snow is just unnecessary.

When the Maine state legislature first passed gay marriage, I was unbelievably excited. When Governor John Baldacci said that he would sign the law, I was even more excited. Maine has some extremely conservative areas, and for that many legislators and the governor to risk alienating them in order to make a strong stand for equal rights really meant something. Unfortunately, Maine has the people’s veto option–and those opposed to gay marriage wasted no time collecting the 55,000 signatures necessary to get that onto the ballot.

Over the past few months, the Yes on 1 campaign has been resorting to scare tactics in their commercials, preying on people’s irrational fears of explicit lessons about gay sex would be taught to children in school. The No on 1 campaign maintained a focus on equality and relied on heartfelt messages from people of all ages. One of my personal favorites is this speech by Philip Spooner, a World War II veteran:

Stories like Spooner’s and the stories of my friends who still live in Maine and have spent hours canvassing and phonebanking, along with Maine being one of my homes,  makes this election incredibly personal for me. Marriage in Maine is important to me because it means that Lindsey, who started canvassing at 6 AM this morning, could marry her long-term girlfriend. It means that I could marry my girlfriend in my parent’s backyard.

When the people of Maine voted not to repeal Maine’s laws preventing discrimination against LGBT people in 2006, it was an exciting moment to end another hard-fought battle. But, as I mentioned before, that battle was so close, I was shocked when the legislature actually passed gay marriage. And I should have been less surprised that the people of Maine voted to repeal the gay marriage law yesterday. But for some reason, maybe since we had done it before, I thought we would be able to do it this time.  But we couldn’t. When the numbers finally came in, we couldn’t, but that doesn’t mean that Maine won’t try again.

But hey, Maine did legalize medicinal marijuana last night.

Photo by Hans Bruesch, TNG Flickr Pool

I love Halloween. But this Halloween is looking like it’s going to be one of the tougher ones. I have no clue what I want to be. I’ve been really struggling to come up with a decent Halloween costume this year. As in, seriously struggling. And that’s the thing. I’m usually pretty good with costumes. In my own personal opinion, I think I’ve had some pretty good costumes over the years. Gay Dumbledore, tinsel (yes, the kind on Christmas trees) and one of my personal favorites, Alex Mack in silver-goop form. You name the theme party, I can find a great costume.

And that’s why it’s particularly embarrassing that I’m having so much trouble with Halloween this year. A few ideas have come and go, but nothing has really seemed right. The one decent idea I had thought of–being Sarah Palin’s book cover–was quickly dismissed. And next to some great ideas my friends had, I understood why.

So, I finally did it. The thing that I usually scorned others for. I used Google to try to think of a costume. My initial search didn’t yield much besides the usual slutty-lady-Halloween costumes, so I decided I might as well type in “lesbian Halloween costumes.”

Completely unsurprisingly, these options weren’t much better.  A few of the suggestions:

- Any character from The L Word.
- Bride & Bride
- Butch or Femme
- Gynecologist
- Slutty Lesbian Disney Princesses

Seriously, these are easily some of the worst ideas I’ve ever heard. Any character from The L Word? That’s probably the least original idea ever. Not to mention the fact that the last thing we need are more Shane wanna-be’s running around. Gynecologist is just awkward and borderline offensive; “slutty lesbian Disney princesses” is just offensive and disgusting.

Granted, in my search, I did find one decent idea: the little Dutch boy and the dike. But that’s about it. I have a few more ideas, but all just about as lame. The girls from Tipping the Velvet. The girls from Fingersmith. Actually, being a character from Tipping the Velvet could actually be fun, if you were going to a very sex-positive party where showing up in gold body paint wearing a gold olden-days style strap-on was appropriate. But that costume would also limit you to just that one party, because I’m guessing most people don’t want to walk from party to party wearing a strap-on. But again, that’s just me.

I know I talked a big game in the first paragraph, but to be honest, I’ve had some throw-away costumes in the last few years. One year I wore all green and duct-taped some cardboard triangles to my back (I was a dinosaur). There was also the year I wore all black and made a star out of cardboard and colored it silver (my highly-creative Ninja costume). And it’s looking like this year is going to be another easy one. As a woman with brown, wavy-shoulder length hair, brown eyes,  thick plastic-framed glasses and a propensity towards fashion sneakers, there the one choice that’s incredibly easy: Tina Fey. More specifically, I’m going to be her character on 30 Rock. Because then I can at least tape a giant “TGS with Tracy Jordan” sign on my hoodie so that everyone won’t just think I decided to dress up as myself for Halloween.

Do you all have any better ideas? At least for lesbian Halloween costumes?

Photo By Ed Jackson, TNG Flickr Pool

One constant in my life as a lesbian has been the search to find the appropriate term for my close male friends that happened to be straight. A lot of my closest friends are straight men, and the term “bro” is thrown around frequently (though always in an ironic sense, of course, to mock the real bros). Which is why when I heard the phrase “lezbro,” I was shocked that in all the hours we devoted to finding a lesbian-straight guy equivalent to “fag hag,” the term “lezbro” never came up.

The relationship between straight and gay men and lesbians is examined in the short film Lezbros by 4Dykes Presents, and back in August, there was an article in Details article describing the “lezbros” phenomenon. While it’s alway good to have some proof that the stereotypes that lesbians are man-haters are false, it seems a little silly to me that these relationships are seen as so unusual. I mean, really. There’s a pretty major similarity: girls.

The Lezbros short discusses this–there’s a segment with one man talking about he can make out with his lesbian friends and it’s not a big deal, and there’s another clip of a man talking about how he can talk to his lez friend about women and it’s not weird because he’s not attracted to her. While the only making out between me and my guy friends occured during our rediscovery Truth-or-Dare one month, talking about girls definitely played a major role.

In my experience, there are two main types of conversations about lesbians and straight men have when they’re talking about women: conversations about hook-ups, and conversations about relationships.

Hook-up conversations are what you can imagine–the sort of braggy, congratulatory conversations that epitomize the stereotype of locker room conversation. When these conversations are had between straight men and lesbians, though, there are a few more dimensions. First off, there’s the fact that there’s definitely an aspect of fantasy involved for the men. Example: there was a girl that guys in my circle had dubbed “Hot Susan.” It turned out that Hot Susan was bisexual, and we had a very brief fling. When the guys found out, there were lots of high-fives, impressed nods and kudos followed by a disscussion of what made Hot Susan so hot–her butt, face, hair, legs, etc. Basically, it was typical male bonding. For me, it was an opportunity to talk about women and get some praise out of a conquest in a completely different way than I would have with my lesbian friends. For the guys, I’m guessing a lot of the fun came out of the sheer fact that two chicks had gotten it on. Awesome!

Relationships conversations are just that: conversations about the girls were currently dating or trying to date. They provide my guy friends with a chance to talk, as they admit, in a more emotional way than they may have with their male friends. And, of course, they got that “feminine insight” they always feel can really help them understand girls. And I get a chance to get rid of that same feminine insight that can often overwhelm any lesbian relationship.

Of course, we talk about other things besides girls. Music, movies, sports, politics, celebrity gossip…my lezbros and I talk about all those things. Friendships can’t be predicated solely on a shared interest of wanting to sleep with the same people. There have to be other things to talk about as well. But then again, being able to talk about girls doesn’t really hurt, either.

Announcements! I’m working on a new series about lesbians and fashions. So, take my survey. And remember Twitter? I’m there too: @TNGAmelie

Original Artwork by Brian Sliwak

All week, we’ve been bringing you coverage of the National Equality March. This weekend’s march was something that was incredibly important for me; it was the biggest call to political action I’ve experienced.

I’ve mentioned in previous columns that while at school, I was lucky enough to have a great professor who really mentored me and inspired me to become much more interested and involved in the queer political movement. That professor was Melinda Plastas, and she was not only a great influence on my academic career, but also a great personal influence.  As an Visting Assistant Professor of Politics at Bates College and a longtime activist, she taught me that having a clear and thorough understanding of what the queer community has done in the past is incredibly important–without understanding what queer activists have done in the past, our own work can fall short.

That’s why, when the National Equality March came around, I found myself thinking of Melinda. She was involved in the anti-racism movement, the women’s rights movement and the queer movement. She was also a participant in the 1987 and 1993 March on Washington, and so for this column, I thought it would be interesting to talk to her, and learn more about her experiences organizing and fighting for queer rights. Below, our conversation about Melinda’s early work in the queer movement, some great stories about the 1987 March on Washington, radicalism in the queer movement, and how she feels about the progress we’ve made since she got involved.

TNG: Could you tell me about some of the work you’ve done in the queer movement?

Melinda Plastas: My early stuff started in Philadelphia. I was a member of the Mayor’s commission for sexual minorities in Philadelphia in the early and mid-80s, and we took the commission over and turned it into an activist commission and worked on a lot of issues like training police officers in homophobia, and looking at race politics in bars in the city and really worked on making the commission multiracial. And then another thing was there was a national gay and lesbian work brigade that went to Nicaragua to help the revolution there, so we thought it was important to link the fact that there were tons of gay activists already working in Central America politics, but our presence really wasn’t acknowledged. So I helped organize a work brigade in Philadelphia that went and did that work. So those were some of the early things.

TNG: Can you tell me more about the ’87 march?

MP: The ’87 march… The figures that the organizers put out is that there were half a million of us there. It was massive and absolutely huge; you had never seen so many people, just so huge. So I was there for the actual march, and then there were–the figures run between 600 and 900 hundred of us–that did the civil disobedience at the Supreme Court, because the Bowers v. Hardwick ruling had just gone through, which basically said that gays don’t have the right to privacy. So we were protesting that ruling. And lots of things were really important about all of that.

Before the civil disobedience action, the night before, there was a huge meeting in one of the churches to sort of talk about how the CD was going to happen. There were hundreds of people there and part of what I remember so much from that march were the gender politics. The AIDS crisis was hitting pretty hard and ACT UP was just getting on the scene, and, in the 70′s, it wasn’t necessarily that gays and lesbians saw themselves as united. Lots of queer women felt that gay men weren’t dealing with sexism and some queer women were judgmental of gay male behavior, so there were rifts, and the rifts started to heal in some ways at the ’87 march. The lesbians who had been doing civil disobedience for quite a while snapped to it and did a good job training folks how to do it. And at the church I remember a bunch of gay men getting up at the front podium and applauding the women in the audience for their organizational capacity, and also for the lessons that they were teaching from the woman’s health care movement that gay men could use in thinking about how to deal with the AIDS crisis. So I just think that there were just a lot of tender and political moments within the movement.

And I can remember when we got arrested and got stuck on a bus for hours with really painful handcuffs on, and the men and women on the bus just having a lot of funny conversations and frank conversations. So I think it was interesting to think about the kind of gender politics that were going on there.

And also, just tons of funny moments. So here we are, all lined up in front of the Supreme Court, arrested with handcuffs on, and the police were serious, there to protect justice from us, and somebody started chanting, “Gay Cops Don’t Smile.” And so here you have all these really serious looking cops going “Uh oh, what are we going to do? What are we going to do at this moment?”

TNG: Can you tell me a little bit more about working with the police officers? At the march they were all respectful and polite, was that always the case?

MP: In the early 80′s, a lot of work still needed to be done to explain what homophobia was, training police what to do when they saw gay bashing incidences, or what gay harassment looked like on the streets and what their job was on intervening on those issues. And I’ve got to say, in the city of Philadelphia–I think if I’m right, it was Mayor Goode–we got support from the mayor’s office, so it wasn’t like it was highly protested. It was just that it was sort of in the early stages of doing those kinds of trainings and just making the police officers aware of what the issues were in our community. So I don’t think it was a hostile environment; it was just some of the early stages of training the police. We would literally just write training manuals for the police so that they would raise their awareness about how homophobia works. And also because it was the early stages of the AIDS crisis, homophobia was on the rise, and gay people were so stigmatized. But I would say that the relationships were pretty much cordial.

And at the March on Washington, it was just hysterical that there were hundreds and hundreds of police lined up as if we were really going to do something violent. So just to break the tension we would come up with these chants and indeed some of the officers would start laughing. So it was a nice kind of way to break the ice and say, “Okay, our issue isn’t necessarily with you, it’s with the justice system of the United States that has just passed this ridiculous ruling.”

TNG: How do you feel about the political direction of the gay movement right now?

MP: Thinking about the ’93 march, what I remember a lot was that there was an active conversation about should queer communities support the first Gulf War. and should we be arguing about letting gays into the military. The NGLTF (National Gay and Lesbian Task Force), and the national director, Urvashi Vaid, really had sort of a radical political perspective that is more in line with my kind of anti-militarist perspective. And I remember just really appreciating that she said, “Queer rights can’t be single-issue.” Does militarization forward gay liberation? Do we want to be asking for the right to join the military, or do we want to be critiquing militarization at its core? That was huge. Those were conversations we were having in our local communities, and conversations the NLGFT were putting out there. And if I remember correctly, the NGLFT came out against the Gulf War. As a gay organization, they had the right and the necessity to think about those kinds of issues. I do fear that things have gotten a little more middle-of-the-road. Are we looking for access to faulty institutions like marriage and the military? Or are we really questioning what creates a nation in which all people are free? I fear that we’ve lost the sharpness of those questions. I wasn’t there over the weekend, but I saw the report back that the movement has lost its edge and it’s radicalism. I don’t like to speak in grand claims, but I would be sorry if those questions aren’t being asked, because I think they are vital questions. I don’t think you have to believe that we’ve got to get rid of marriage or we’ve got to get rid of the military, but I think we need to ask questions about the function of those institutions.

TNG: No, I think a lot of that’s being lost. This weekend it was all about equality, about repealing Don’t Ask Don’t Tell and the Defense of Marriage Act and marriage rights, but there wasn’t a lot of questioning of those institutions.

MP: Again, that’s all very important as well, but I think we’ve all got to be able to say okay, the strategy is now the discourse of equality; it’s not the discourse of radical change. And to realize that many social movements have had real big fights about, “Well, okay, what’s the outcome we want? What are we looking for?”  Is it liberal change or radical change, equality or freedom? But at the same time, as I’m sure you experienced yesterday, I think huge marches–everything from having to raise the money in Idaho to get yourself there, to traveling with your friends to people you randomly meet–I think they do really great things at the same time. There’s been this reporting in the press that, “It was a waste of our time” or, “It was the perfect thing to do.” Those two extremes don’t really capture it. I remember in ’93 seeing the lesbian avengers eating fire in Dupont was the highlight. I can’t even remember who gave the big speeches, I remember watching women eating fire. It was totally great.

TNG: The thing that really stuck out for me at this march was that there were a ton of younger people there. At the rally, a lot of the speakers were older and they kept saying how great it was that all us younger people were out. And I think it was really empowering for a lot of us, to be part of something so huge and to really be active in fighting for what we want.

MP: I think that’s so valuable! That’s what I was going to say. I think I was 27 when I went to my first one, so older than you, but still under 30. And it was so radicalizing, just being there in our nation’s capital with all these random people was really, really important and it was really radicalizing. And I think that can’t be underestimated.

TNG: Right. And I really do think it inspired a lot of people to keep working and fighting.

MP: That is so important. As I’m sitting here talking to you, all I’m thinking, all I can do is talk in these grand-scheme pictures and what’s gotten lost are the texture of those individual stories. I think that’s where all the power really is, is in those individual stories. What’s transformed for the people that you’ve talked to.

TNG: Well, can you tell me about your story and what inspired you to get involved?

MP: I think for me, as to my political development, I’m not really a single-issue person. Coming out as queer was important to me, but even before that I was involved in anti-racism work, the women’s movement and the peace movement. So for me it’s all linked together with the that for freedom to exist it has to exist in all spheres of everyone’s life. So I really came at queer politics with that framework, and because of that  a lot of my early queer political work was working on racism within the gay and lesbian movement. So my political involvement came from a holistic perspective. And you know from being in Women’s Studies that the kind of things I was reading as an undergraduate was early Audre Lorde and early bell hooks, which was really a clear articulation all about having to work on all these issues at the same time. I know that’s not very grounded, but I did come at it from a justice angle. I really came at it through my peace work.

TNG: For my last question, I just wanted to ask you how you feel about the progress that has been made and if you feel like there’s been a lot progress made since you got involved?

MP: I’m not so good with the progress question. I think there’s a way that queers are still seen as sexual strangers, tolerated within society but still the other. Is that necessarily bad? It’s that question of do we want to assimilate or do we want to create completely different views about family and marriage and community and morality and all that kind of stuff. I do have a sense that for more and more gay youth it’s easier to be out, and that’s so absolutely important, but that the politics of our elected officials remain weak, and that’s a shame. That they can’t just step up and do what’s right. I think there’s more safety out there, more general acceptance, less turmoil for gay youth. So I think on some level, grassroots people and families and communities and schools might be doing a lot more better work than our elected officials are on queer issues.

Photo: Justin van Dyke, TNG Flickr Pool

On Tuesday, Zack created his Field Guide to DC Fags for all of you out-of-towners coming to DC for the National Equality March. Since we believe in equal opportunity here at The New Gay, I’ve created a field guide to D.C. lesbians for all of you ladies planning on marching (and socializing) this weekend.

Old-School Lesbians–You know the type of lesbians I’m talking about. The ones who are older, still live by some of the butch-femme rules, and can teach you more about lesbian history than you could imagine. You can usually find these women at Phase 1, playing pool and thinking about the good ole days.

Hipster Lesbians–Hipster lesbians in D.C. are pretty much the same as hipster lesbians everywhere. Skinny jeans, plaids and flannels, asymmetrical short haircuts. They’ve got messenger bags and ironic glasses. The main difference is that D.C. hipster lesbians are probably a little more genuine and self-aware than your average Brooklyn hipster. Though there’s definitely that faction that’s always threatening to book it to Brooklyn.

Organic/Vegan Lesbians–These lesbians buy all their food at the local farmer’s market every weekend, protest capitalism, write spoken-word poetry and are vegan. You can usually find them at the Takoma Park farmer’s market. They are also really into grey water, compost and bike riding. If you are a carnivorous person who doesn’t know much about environmentalism, your conversation topics may be limited.

Rugby Lesbians–Rugby lesbians play on one of the D.C. area’s three women’s rugby teams: the Maryland Stingers, the D.C. Furies and the NOVA Piranhas. There are also rugby lesbians from the area colleges–American, Georgetown and George Washington. Rugby lesbians tend to roam in packs, hitting up good beer specials. They also tend to only sleep with their teammates or other ruggers–so your best pick-up line option is probably something related to that time you got stuck in a monster ruck.

Non-Profit Lesbians–These lesbians work for non-profits and are really, really, into their work, which probably revolves around saving whales, the planet or cats. These lesbians are dedicated to most things political, and are generally lucky enough to have partner healthcare. They are good catches.

HRC Lesbians–Older lesbians that have the money to make big donations to HRC. Some of these lesbians will befriend you and your girlfriend at a semi-awkward, semi-empty HRC cocktail hour, promise to text you about that weekend’s WNBA game, and then never text you. These women are heartbreakers.

Power Lesbians– While power lesbians are everywhere, there’s no shortage in D.C. These women have some of the best jobs in the District, whether they are journalists, non-profit leaders, lobbyists, lawyers or working on the Hill. These ladies are fierce and probably will be in some sort of V.I.P. area at all times, even at the march.

The ‘Is She a Lesbian?’ Lesbian–It’s not that you don’t think this lesbian is gay. It’s just that you just don’t know that she’s gay until she casually mentions her girlfriend (or her ex-girlfriend) in conversation. Most of her friends are straight, and she’s not out on the scene that much. She’s probably pretty femme-y and works the usual 9 to 5, probably for a consulting firm.

These are just some of the lesbians I’ve noticed around the D.C. area. Other D.C. lezzies, make sure to chime in. And those of you in town for the march, feel free to post your finding in the comments as well.

And don’t forget, I’m on Twitter now. For all things TNG and whatever I happen to be up to, follow me @tngamelie

Photo: www.phase1dc.com

I should probably be honest here. Last year, Phasefest (at D.C.’s Phase 1) happened about a month after I moved to D.C., and even though I was desperate to meet lesbians (both for innocent and not-so-innocent purposes), there was no way you were going to get me to go to Phasefest. Why the fear? I’ll explain.

Amelie’s biggest fears:

1) Feelings
2) Spoken word poetry
3) Large groups of lesbians.

These fears probably seem ridiculous, and to a large extent, they are. But I can’t help it. I hate talking about feelings. I’ve gotten somewhat better at it as I’ve gotten older, but I’m still not great with them. I actually had a girl break things off with me because I wouldn’t have deep conversations about my feelings, or her feelings, or the world’s feelings with her. My fear of spoken word poetry? See above. And as for large groups of lesbians, I’m not sure why that makes me feel uncomfortable. Though it’s something that’s gotten easier lately as I’ve been getting put into more situations that revolve around queer women. I think the fact that for the majority of my life, I was the only queer woman in the room made it really intimidating walking into a room of queer women.

How did I end up at Phasefest this year? Well, TNG Zack wanted people to do interviews with participating artists, which I jumped at the chance to do. As I mentioned before, my girlfriend is a huge fan of Bitch and really wanted me to interview her. I figured I could do a few more since I was already doing one. But I still wasn’t really planning on doing anything for Phasefest. All those feelings! And then, I realized something.

One of my college mentors used to tell us stories about her times at the Michigan Womyn’s Music Festival–about the sense of solidarity it provided queer women when being queer wasn’t nearly as accepted as it is today, about tearing down fences to let in transmen and transwomen. I had always been jealous of these stories, wishing that I could be a part of something like that, a celebration of being queer and unafraid, and supporting the music and the talent that spoke for our community. And then I realized–that’s what Phasefest was. Phasefest was the chance for queers on the East Coast to gather and unite, to celebrate the art of community.

So I went. Well, okay, I missed Friday night–between working the 9-to-5 and getting all those interviews together, come 9:30 Friday night, I was fast asleep. But I went Thursday and Saturday.

Thursday night was a pretty cool, low-key night. I’ll admit, I was a little nervous, so I put on my best vest (made out of a lovely horse pattern and sewn for me by my grandmother when I was ten) and headed out. It wasn’t too packed, and I got the chance to see some great acts. Good Asian Drivers were probably the best discovery I made that night; Bitch and the Omega Band were also great. The scene was interesting. There were a decent number of your average, tote-bag carrying, skinny jean wearing lesbians, some older lesbians and a group of younger women who reminded me that wasted sorority sisters aren’t always straight. Sometimes they’re gay, and no less obnoxious.

Saturday night seemed like a totally different bar. It was much more crowded, and the hipster quotient had gone up by about 75%–but I’m chalking that up to the fact that several Brooklyn-based bands were playing that night. Rad Pony! played a short, but solid set. One of the highlights of the night came during their set, when lead singer Ingrid Dahl asked how lesbians in D.C. are different than lesbians in Brooklyn. The loudest answer? “We’re not as big of assholes.” I don’t really have enough experience with Brooklyn lesbians to make a comparison, but it was a pretty hilarious moment all the same.

The other bands that stood out for me that night were Bellafea, a great trio from North Carolina. They were super-loud, but also really musically interesting and a really solid band. One of the performers I was most nervous to see was Athens Boys Choir. While I knew that “Fagette” was a fun song, I had some misguided notion that all his other work was very serious, and very feelings-y. But while there were a few pieces that were more serious, they didn’t make me uncomfortable at all. They were very well composed and thought provoking, though I will admit that my favorite pieces were the most lighthearted, like “Tranny’s Got Pack” and one of my favorite things all night, “EZ Heeb,” which Katz performed to a video montage of his Bat Mitzvah.

The bands that wrapped up the night were great as well. But more than getting introduced to some great music that I never would have found on my own, I was able to see the larger importance of festivals like this. The chance for queer people to get together and to support queer artists and each other is something that’s invaluable, especially right now, when we’re fighting so hard for equal rights. Phasefest brings queer people together–young and old, the hipster and not-so-hipster, the femmes and butches–in a celebration of what we have in common, and takes away the focus of what we don’t.

And oh hey, guess what? You can follow me on Twitter now: @tngamelie

Photo courtesy of Bitch

In The Ladies’ Room is on a bit of a hiatus this week while I’m busy covering DC’s premiere queer music festival, Phasefest. Spanning three days
and featuring 25 artists including The Cliks, Partyline and Athen’s Boy’s Choir, Phasefest is an awesome celebration of queer performers. This week, I’ll be conducting my first interviews ever for TNG. Here’s my interview with Bitch, the first of three interviews with Phasefest performers.

When my girlfriend found out that Bitch was coming to Phasefest this year, the first words out of her mouth were, “You have to interview her.” So I agreed, and got on the phone for a whirlwind chat with Bitch about the two-woman show she performed in over the summer, fundraising for her new album, what it’s like to produce her own album for the first time, and why she keeps coming back to Phasefest.

TNG Staff Contributor Amelie: You’ve been in Asheville [NC] doing your one woman show. Can you tell me a little bit about that? What’s that been like?

Bitch: I’ve been doing a show with one of my best friends. When I started my first band I was in acting school, and that’s where I met Animal.  I’ve always taken a music-is-theater approach to life and work. And one of my best friends from acting school was doing this show, a two-woman show in Asheville, and she was already cast. They were looking for the other actress, and she kept thinking of me. I hadn’t acted in a while, and then I did Shortbus, and that re-reminded me of that side of myself and it was perfect timing. When she said she was doing the play in the summer, I knew I would be done recording the record by then. She tried to convince them to hire me sight unseen, but I guess they were intimidated by my name so I had to fly down and audition. And then I came down to do the show for the summer and stayed through the fall.

TNG: I’ve seen a bunch of the YouTube videos you created to try to help raise money for your album. What was the inspiration behind that?

B: The medium is so fun to play with, making videos like that and being able to post them on YouTube is so fun. I’ve done this a few times where I’ve gone to fans for support and I’ve done it with other albums. This also comes with recent discovery of video and how easy and accessible video is and getting to make art on another level. The fundraising is fun, it’s like hosting a game show.

TNG: How has the fundraising process been going?

B: We have 17 days left. Our fundraising goal was $10,000 and we have almost $6,000

TNG: Are we going to see a fundraising video blitz in the next few weeks?

B: I have a last minute plan. I have three videos ready to go and one will be out in the next few days.

TNG: This is also the first record you’ve produced all on your own. How do you think that effected the record?

B: I think this record–I think it was a way for me to step up to the plate. I produced Ferron‘s album and that was an enjoyable experience and I thought I was good at it, good at hearing the way I wanted the song to be.

It’s an interesting step…you would have thought that I would have had that thought of how I wanted to hear it, but I just realized I was able to hear the song before I actually heard it, if that makes sense.

Putting that with my own songs was challenging, but it made me take that next step of being a more empowered person. This is most clear collection of recordings I’ve put out. It’s all unavoidably me.

TNG: I know you’ve played Phasefest before. Why do you keep coming back?

B: We had such a good time there last year. I just find it inspiring, getting to share the stage with queer artists in the area. it’s just such an inspiration.

For more about Bitch, visit www.bitchmusic.com. Her new album, Blasted!, will be released next spring. And to help Bitch reach her fundraising goal to make the album a reality, click here.

Bitch plays Phasefest tonight at Phase 1. Tickets $15, Doors at 7pm, 21+

One of Curve's many L Word covers

My train of thought doesn’t really work like most people’s. For the past week I’ve been dogsitting for some British people. That got me thinking about the differences between British things and American things. Which got me thinking about the differences between the British version of women’s magazines and American ones. Still following me? That led me to arrive at the point of this article–lesbo mags versus lady mags.

When it comes to magazines, like most things, lesbians don’t really have that many to choose from. There’s Curve, which is touted as the best-selling lesbian magazine. There’s the British magazine Diva, but that’s not fully available online, and, let’s face it, not that many of us are going to make the hike all the way to the Barnes and Noble to pick up the latest copy. Those are the only two magazines I could think of off of the top of my head.

Now, I realize that you could technically argue that Out and The Advocate are technically “LGBT” magazines. But, when you look at the content it becomes clear that the audience is really for men, not women. Quick glances at the magazines’ websites will tell you this–the only women present on the front page of Out? Kathy Griffin, Pink and Anna Wintour. On last year’s most influential list, the only woman they featured on the cover was Katy Perry. While The Advocate does a better job of including women, the magazine still tends to be dominated by male imagery.

I had to do a Google search to look for other lesbian magazines–there are a few other British publications, and Australia and Amsterdam both have magazines. In the US, there is another national lesbian magazine to compete with Curve–Jane and Jane.

Apparently the target audience of Jane and Jane is older lesbians. This is probably why I liked it slightly more than Curve. I very much enjoyed their article “Legends: Then and Now,” which is fairly self-explanatory. Who knew that Rita Mae Brown now writes mystery novels that she “co-writes” with her cat, Sneaky Pie Brown? Okay, I did, but still. I appreciate these sorts of articles a lot more than what Curve has to offer.

Curve tends to feature articles like “Lezzie Lyric Smack Down!” in which readers were asked to choose whether Katy Perry or Jen Foster (who apparently did a response song to “I Kissed A Girl”) was gayer. There was also the thrilling article “10 Things Femmes Want You To Know.” Not only was this article insipid, it was downright offensive. Among the things that femmes want you to know: we aren’t interested in sports, we only like small dogs, we are bottoms and we like to have someone pay all our bills. I found this to be very informative, since I identify as femme, and I enjoy sports, large dogs, paying my own bills and not limiting myself to specific sexy-times roles. Apparently, I’ve been doing things wrong.

What did I really learn here? Well, that when it comes to magazines, lesbian magazines aren’t that much better than straight-lady magazines. Where Marie Clarie is stuffed with overpriced beauty products and lame sex tips, Curve is stuffed with a really impressive amount of articles about The L Word (seriously, I counted twelve L Word covers on the first page of my Google image search) and not that much else. But they both like perpetuating stereotypes of femininity. Blegh.

But hey, I guess that’s why so many of us turned to blogs over magazines. I know you’d all rather hear about fancy lesbians than Katy Perry, right?

But, times have changed, and I figured it would be a good thing to write about. So I watched the first 15-minute segment of the pilot, which was released on September 6th. And it was actually pretty good.

The show’s basic premise, which follows the lives of a group of friends is certainly a familiar one, but Far Out seems to do it better than most other shows about lesbians. Where The L Word was clearly off in fantasy land, I can actually see myself and my friends in these characters. And the situations are much more run-of-the-mill: dealing with a friend who’s going back to her on-again, off-again girlfriend, a single girl trying to make a match, a new couple deciding that they are a couple.

There were a moments that weren’t so great, which came in the form of some odd camera angle and cuts, but there was only one moment where I had to stand strong and resist the urge to quell my discomfort and fast forward. In one of the opening scenes, the bartender had a bizarre monologue about embracing shades of gray that seemed almost Shakesperian and out-of-place.  I mean, what bartender randomly makes a speech to the rest of the bar?

All in all though, Far Out seems to be one of the better offerings for lesbians that I’ve seen. The characters already seem to have more depth than those on The L Word, and the quality is a huge step up from most other web series. Granted, I’ve only seen the first 15 minutes–the second segment of the pilot doesn’t come out until October 4th–but so far, so good. When there are so few fair, accurate and multi-dimensional portrayals of lesbians in the media, we need to support the ones that are.

And, hey, I also learned a few things from Far Out. Lesbians enjoy flannel, scarves, and vests  in the U.S. and in England. In London, instead of liking to drink Dos Equis, lesbians enjoy drinking Coors Light. But for the most part, we’re the same.

To learn more about Far Out, visit the website.