I’m embarrassed to say I’ve been watching the new season of the Millionaire Matchmaker. For those of you who haven’t seen it, it’s exactly what it sounds like – matchmaker Patti Stanger matches millionaires with prospective mates (who aren’t necessarily millionaires)…

So I don’t know if you have seen the “it gets better” videos that have been circling youtube, but when I started watching them I quickly realized they are all directed at high school kids. But being discriminated against and feeling rejected or alienated because of your sexuality doesn’t only apply to high school students…

Apparently there’s a groping epidemic. That’s right. In gay clubs everywhere, a man can walk past another man he finds attractive and cup his butt, or if he’s feeling bold, his crotch.

A man and a woman walk down the street holding hands. At one point they stop, the girl smiles and looks up into the boy’s eyes. They kiss, sharing a brief, private moment with passersby. Both smiling now, they continue their walk.

Even a conservative person would not consider this pda. In fact, if anything, it might be termed endearing.

But when the same moment is shared between two girls or two boys it’s grotesque or perverted.

The first kiss. A flutter of nerves and emotions. How’s your breath? Are you comfortable in your clothes and skin? Will she kiss you back? A million doubts and possibilities fly through your head. You wonder as each moment passes “when’s it going to happen?” Finally you find the courage and go for it. She kisses you back and melts your heart.

There are two sides to every story. Sometimes you’re right and sometimes you’re just not. At times you’re both right in different ways. In a relationship you have to pick your battles and sometimes it’s not worth being right.

“I’m dating a girl…I’m bi” I blurted out late one night. My parents who never fought, were arguing over some incident involving a random woman and I was so taken off guard and so excited over my new discovery that I just couldn’t contain my secret. “That’s great,” my Mom replied, “you can get married in Massachusetts. Tomorrow will you go to the store…” she proceeded to list all the groceries I needed to purchase. My heart was racing, I cut her off- “I just told you I’m bisexual and you told me to run an errand?!” Suddenly their faces fell and the room seemed to darken. “What. I thought you were joking,” she said. “Well I don’t believe in this, I’m going to bed,” my Dad responded as he left the room confused. My Mom was not finished. She proceeded to berate me and lobby questions that were misinformed and driven by fear.

I will never forget that night.

Lift the covers and lay down in your plush bed. Pull her body towards yours. Let your silky smooth legs intertwine with hers. Even writing this, I get goosebumps.

Two sets of freshly shaven legs in a soft bed is the best feeling and one of the many perks of being a lesbian.

You’re going out and you have to bring a purse. You’re drinking at the bar feeling hot and some chick asks you to dance. All of a sudden you realize you’re not an octopus. How do you manage to hang on to your purse, drink and sex appeal with the body God gave you?

First of all, this question should be irrelevant for lesbians. Being a lesbian gives us the unique freedom to wear pants with pockets and still get laid…we should all be taking advantage of this. Actually, we should take a page out of Paris Hilton’s book – she needs her drink and her cell and that bitch is good to go. But ok, lesbians come in all types, and if we all wore jeans with pockets or fanny packs, there would be nothing for me to write about, so here’s what I think.

Meeting the parents is always nerve-racking. Even more so when you’re the wrong gender.

Everything is awkward, uncomfortable, and “wrong.” If coming out allows you to be yourself most, the first time you introduce your parents to your girlfriend, puts you right back in the closet, in the darkest corner.