Yes, Master: It’s The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year
As you can probably imagine, Halloween is my favorite holiday. It happens to be one of the points throughout the year with the most business (people tend to be in the mood for getting whipped when they see jack-o’-lanterns–go figure) but the thing that you can depend on totally is this:
Everyone dresses up like skanks.
It started to get really ridiculous in the 90′s and, now, it’s just gotten worse and worse. The girls lead the pack when it comes to provacative outfits but, increasingly, the guys are following suit. I wouldn’t have it any other way!
I live in Chicago which includes Boystown, the main gayborhood within the city, where every Halloween you can be certain to see an endless parade of male and female flesh popping out at all angles. Some people find it obnoxious and annoying. Bumping into an infinite number of 20-something trixies made up as Sexy Little Bo Peep, Sexy Strawberry Shortcake, Sexy Cat, Sexy Angel, Sexy Devil, Sexy Alice in Wonderland, Sexy Dorothy Gale, etc., etc. can be exhausting. Maybe for some people, but not for me. I truly enjoy staring at everyone looking like sluts because it just seems more natural and fun. Plus, I’m a huge pervert so that kind of helps.
What makes Halloween truly impressive, to me, is what it unleashes within the male psyche. It’s difficult to tell the difference between the gay boys and the straight ones. Many girls’ boyfriends will go in drag and other “completely hetero” guys will appear in some suspiciously revealing costumes and will encourage being molested by their straight (enough) buddies throughout the evening. And it will seem like a joke until the fondling continues on past the 20-second grace period and re-emerges throughout the evening. Things can get weird.
“No homo”? Well, not on Halloween. Halloween these days has a very murky sexual fluidity to it and it’s completely fantastic. Yes homo.
I hate calling myself a spiritual person because I tend to want to smack the shit out of spiritual people. But I still have faint traces of spirituality (even typing that word makes me throw up in my mouth a little bit) and I recognize that Halloween serves as a time of literal and personal harvest, of memorial, and end-of-year reflection. It also serves as a subversive death festival which our culture needs (we have some serious death-denial issues going on, especially in America). I hate admitting it but I am a reflective person and autumn brings out the best (and worst) in me.
We Americans can only deal with a certain amount of reflection, seriousness, and darkness however. Enough is enough! So we turned our death festival into a fucked up fertility festival while we were at it. It may be tempting to believe that Halloween is “meant for the kids” which it never truly was if you’re willing to scratch the surface–usually, in our culture, we take that out when we’re looking to explore something absurd while attempting to avoid the risk of embarassment. Halloween may be a time for kids in some respects but, let’s face it, it’s also an excuse for adults to hang up paper skulls on their doors and parade around in kinky roleplay outfits.
Go out on Halloween, to any place of partying and adult congregation, and this will be brutally evident. Cassie from Human Resources wants to show the world that she’d make a really saucy Laura Croft. So here she is with countless Becky’s, Jennifers, and Brianna’s strutting around like we’re trapped in red light district sponsored by Walt Disney. And all the hot and semi-hot guys want to wear hot pants and weird wigs. I wouldn’t change a thing.
Is Halloween the time when we see the real you? Are you trying to tell us that your secret self is actually a whorish-looking cyborg? Maybe we should have known all along.
Whether you want to celebrate it as a candlelit bummer/mope-fest, a tacky excuse for rubber spiders, or as your one-night chance to wear fetish outfits and be an exhibitionist, All Hallow’s Eve is everyone’s best hope for personal expression. I see it as insightful and honest. But maybe that’s being too serious….
What does a Dom wear on Halloween? This year I’m going as an animal cracker werewolf. What that says about me is anyone’s guess.
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