Yes, Master: Time and Time Again
To me, more specifically, Scheduling Is Everything – but I’ll discuss BDSM in general rather than get to the nitty-gritty of my personal life.
I’m a big believer in the 10-Minute Rule. What I mean by this is that, in most cases, it’s best to do one particular activity (for example: spanking, nipple torture, electro play, etc.) and then move on to another one. Give or take 10-minutes, depending on how the parties involved favor individual activities. When it comes to extreme favorites and number one fetishes, then that length of time should be obviously extended – go for 20 minutes, a half hour, or even an hour or more on one activity if the time and passion are present.
If you’re trying something out, something new you’re not sure you and/or your partner will enjoy, it’s best to start out on that activity using a 2 or 3-minute time frame. That gives you just enough time to say “yes, we did it and we tried it thoroughly,” allowing sensations to sink in and psychologically process without overdoing it to the point of someone getting bored, grossed out, or hurt by an unfavorable activity. If you end up loving an activity, then you can continue along with it.
In my opinion, the dependable and safe amount of time for favored individual BDSM activities is 10 minutes each unless the submissive requests otherwise. It’s just enough time to dive into an individual scene completely but not enough time to allow redundancy or boredom.
Often times, with bondage slaves, their eyes are bigger than their stomaches in the sense that they think (in their fantasies) that they can handle a certain kind of scene longer than they actually can. For example, hearing a slave say that they want to be kept in a dog cage for an entire day should be taken with an extreme grain of salt. A slave may insist “Really! I really want to be kept in a cage for 24 hours! I know that I’d love it and I know that I can handle it!” but then, after 15 minutes, they realize that the sitting or knealing in cramped conditions causes — you guessed it — cramps. Or whatever. Every once in a while, I’ll give someone exactly what they asked for just to prove that they don’t truly want it. As a Dom, it’s part of my job to be a dick sometimes.
Rather than getting frustrated with some slaves, I’m at the point where I usually know how to translate their verbalized desires into realistic scenes. Like everything else in life, if something sounds exaggerated and unrealistic, it probably is. The same rule applies to BDSM timing. If the slave says that they want to kept in a dog cage for an entire day, I immediately translate that to 25 minutes. If they can go for an hour or two, then I’m definitely impressed. We take it as it goes. Needless to say, you must check in on your slave at intervals as the scene continues along. Leaving them completely alone, in bondage, is a big fat NO and completely out of the question.
The perfect length for a full out, full meal BDSM session is anywhere from 1 to 3 hours, going from scene to scene, activity to activity. It all depends on who you’re sessioning with. There are some slaves who love a quick, 45-minute blast of S&M and that’s that for them for the day. Other slaves can handle 5 hour sessions without blinking. Everyone is different.
Here’s something to take with you….
If you’re a typical guy or gal and you’re into BDSM and your partner is into BDSM and they want to do some bondage play with you but they’re being coy and unspecific about what they want to do and how they want to go about it, just fall back on this:
An hour or so of play time and, when in doubt, indulging in one activity for about 10 minutes before moving on to another activity. That’s safe and no one will argue with you for that. Adjust the time lengths accordingly depending on your favorites and the favorites of your partner. There you go.
Should you watch the clock? Should you be overly invested in time management during what is supposed to be free-wheeling fun?
No, of course not. You can feel time without looking at numbers. You just go with what feels right, natural, and hot. That’s all that there is to it. However, it’s best not to linger or get frozen in particular activities to the point where it’s feeling stale or someone is getting sore. When in doubt, leave them wanting more. Or requesting more, for that matter.
But if you need to fall back on anything having to do with pacing a bondage session and you’re not sure what to do or how to progress a scene with your partner, relying on around 10 minutes (or less) per activity is a reasonable bet. Be sure to try out new things and always play safe.
I realize that this is the most generalized timing approach to BDSM, but it’s a good foundation to adjust according to your liking. S&M kinksters, especially those starting out, can get easily flustered by pacing issues with new play partners and this is meant to help you out a little.
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