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5 August 2011, 2:00 pm 13 Comments

An Open Letter to Creepy Pee-Daddy

This post was submitted by Andrew D


To some degree everyone has a fetish; some might call them preferences, while others are more honest with themselves. Fetish connotes that a particular sexual or erotic taste lies outside of the ‘ordinary’ realm, but adhering to an active socially accepted preference is still a fetish.

On a recent trip to San Francisco, I spent my last night in town out with my local queer friends indulging in a few drinks and catching up. It was a three bar kind of night and our numbers dwindled with each change of scene. A night out in San Francisco, a city where just about anything goes, can get pretty interesting without walking more than a few blocks.

The first stop of the night, Blackbird, was a cute new quasi-hipster bar with modern interior fused with a bit of vintage flair. Ten of us had gathered and enjoyed a few libations before deciding to shift to the next bar. The second bar was 440 Castro and Mondays at 440 are daddy underwear night. My two friends who suggested the dive assured me that not everyone was older and dumpy and that frequently, a handful of eye-catching 30-somethings could be found carousing in their skivvies. As I’m generally game for most anything, especially after a few drinks, our now posse of four meandered a few blocks to 440 bar.

The bar was exactly what I expected with 40-50 year old hyper gays flubbing around in their Hanes tighty-whiteys. I’m not actually sure if there were any good looking guys in the entire bar as when faced with this situation you start playing ‘shiniest fish in the fish bowl’ and quickly make the most out of the otherwise mediocre. We bought a drink and made our way to the back of the bar where a few people were amiably gyrating to whatever terrible pop music was blaring from the ceiling. Older gay men in underwear showcasing their finest pot bellies is a fetish and I can now definitively state that it’s not a genre that does anything for me!

The two IPAs I had enjoyed at Blackbird were demanding evacuation so I made my way to the dingy pair of dimly lit bathrooms in the rear. One was a private stall with a lengthy line and the other an open door trough urinal, which I’ve only ever seen in gay bars and once at a high school gym! Next in line for the trough cave, I noticed a disheveled 45ish guy standing dead center chatting up the younger guy to his right and actively eye fucking his urinating member. Young guy finished his business and made haste vacating creepy pee-daddy’s viewing station. I stepped up to the show and tell stage, unfurled my manhood and attempted to pee while trying not to think about the creeper next to me salaciously watching! NOT A DROP!  I’ve never been pee shy in my life but clearly the instance of a half naked Ron Jeremy ogling my goods dammed up the floodgate. With no luck I zipped up and re-joined my friends.

While the trough might be more efficient than individual urinals, I really can’t get behind them! To creepy pee-daddy, please at least try to be discreet when visually molesting those next to you at the trough… even on underwear night when it seems like everything goes!

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  • Troy said:

    we’ve all had our weird trough experiences, but here it seems more a pretext for putting down guys just hanging in their natural habitat. the guys being insulted at 440 are the guys i and many go to 440 to meet; many of us are there because guys like you have helped us feel unwelcome in other places. if it’s not what you’re looking for, then you’re the one out of place.

    in this case the new gay sounds disappointingly like the old gay.

  • Doctor Whom said:

    It must be terrible to be a special snowflake like you, living in a world full of people who are plainly unworthy to share that world with you. In other words, welcome to life. By the way, you’d hate London.

  • KJN said:

    Andrew, clearly you were not at a bar you would be comfortable at. It wasn’t your scene. This brings up two issues: 1) when you are somewhere that clearly isn’t your milieu, either adapt to it or leave—there’s no need to complain about it, just learn and move on; and 2) the world doesn’t owe you a scene to be in anyway—I say that merely to forestall any assertions that this bar was the only venue available to you.

  • Andrew D (author) said:

    Troy: I’m all for people living it up in their safe space and the fact that I even went into the bar on such a night shows I’m more open minded than most. This was supposed to be less of a comment on the daddies at play as it was on the particular creeper. To each their own.

    Doctor Whom: It’s pretty awesome being a special snowflake actually and there’s nothing wrong with having high standards or a different set of tastes. To the daddy lovers out there more power to you. I’m all about everyone doing their thing. And London isn’t so bad I’ve had a great time the two times i visited.

  • Troy said:

    well, ‘open-minded’ might be a stretch considering you made a point of saying that it wasn’t your idea, that a friend talked you into it, and that you were assured there would be people there you would find attractive. ‘open-minded’ implies that none of these things would have been necessary, or necessary to mention. 

    if your larger point was the creepy guy at the trough, why did that detail emerge only after you had insulted everyone else in the bar?  ’I’m not actually sure if there were any good looking guys in the entire bar…’ is pretty wide if your subject is just the one guy. and you made a clear distinction between the ‘carousing’, ‘eye-catching 30-somethings’ you were promised and the ‘flubbing’, ’40-50 year old hyper gays’ you encountered.  you’re making a clear qualitative comparison, and you’re asserting that your own preference is superior, though you’re in a place where the clientele does not share that view.  and yet it is they who merit insult.  it’s like going to a foreign country and complaining that they’re stupid because their English is so poor. 

    but added to this is the more journalistic insult that you took what basically is a catty commentary about guys you don’t find attractive, which perhaps elicited a few laughs on the walk or ride home, and tried to wrap it in some kind of relevance by invoking fetishism–the definition of which you seem unfamiliar with. nor does your article give any clue or support for why the distinction between ‘preference’ and ‘fetish’ is at all significant, or why one term is more ‘honest’ than the other, outside perhaps some vague notion that ‘fetish’ just sounds trashier.  not to mention that fetishism related not at all to what is ostensibly the central subject of your article–the guy at the trough.  he seems more like an afterthought, something to prove that your assumptions and biases about the clientele before that point were justified. 

    but again, what is disappointing is that this kind of judgment is not new at all. 

  • Andrew D (author) said:

    I guess I can only hope that the patrons of 440 were equally judging me for not living up to their daddy standards!

  • Kevin said:

    I agree with Troy. You should have had someone proofread your article for consistency of subject matter before you printed this. The article was all over the place and I never really got what the fetish was. Because you called him pee-daddy, I assumed that he was laying in the trough waiting for others to piss on him. Instead what you described was pretty run of the mill. I have witnessed men trying to get a peek at another guy’s junk in all kinds of public pissing situations whether they involved a trough or not. Instead this article just involved pointing and laughing at a gay subculture because you made assumptions about who the audience for the New Gay is which seemed to be an ageist assumption. Grow up Andrew and stop using your claws to shred others’ ideas of fun.

  • KJN said:

    I’m sure some of the patrons were as judgmental as Andrew, but while that is a common human response, it isn’t admirable. This whole article reeks of privilege and superiority. I hope this attitude doesn’t become the norm on TNG.

  • KJN said:

    You know, thinking about this some more, I gotta ask: when we keep telling kids “It gets better” don’t we mean that we get past the sort of junior high school clique-ish judgmentalism that caused us so much pain growing up? So what good reason do we have to continue that sort of judgmentalism against members of our own community once we’ve grown up? (I guess I’m assuming we grew up here.) So, please tell me, does it really get better, or doesn’t it? I really want to know.

  • brianinsanfran said:

    KJN, No, it doesn’t really get better. I find it actually gets worse because adults aren’t forced to spent class time with people they find distasteful five days a week.

    Andrew, if you expected anything else at a trough you are hopelessly naive and would seem not old enough to be in a bar in San Francisco. Please stay home.

  • KJN said:

    brianinsanfran, thanks for the input, although I’d say that working in a cubicle 5 days a week is pretty freaking distasteful, too. Actually, I asked a rhetorical question. In my opinion, “it” doesn’t get better; instead, it’s the individual who gets better, or at least becomes more resilient. With due respect to Dan Savage (whom I admire, and who by default has become our de facto reigning ethicist), I wish he’d called the campaign “YOU get better” or something like that.

    Surviving the barbs of one’s adolescent peers should at least make one more resilient to the difficulties of adulthood. Whether or not a person ‘gets better’ in other areas of personality is of course up to her or him. Maturing isn’t about a hardening of viewpoints or merely acquiescing to the grind of living. In fact, I think maturity is about broadening one’s views and taking a more supple approach to dealing with life and with problems and irritations. It means to learn to label behaviors and attitudes rather than people.

    I would hope that everyone’s #1 goal in maturing is to learn not to practice or exhibit assholery.

  • Aneisha said:

    This piece was a lifjecaket that saved me from drowning.

  • yceikoelx said:

    oVsAPp nbucpfrmbidy