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25 July 2011, 9:00 am 4 Comments

Cynical And Southern: Why Are Some Gays So Proud Of Being Bitchy?

This post was submitted by Jeremy Gloff

I’ve met “the biggest bitch in the world” at least thirty times. It’s line that’s been used more times than “I’ll call you tomorrow”.

“I’m the biggest bitch in the world”.

Tony in Jamestown insisted to me that he is indeed the biggest bitch in the world. He then proceeded to spend a half hour recounting all the times he was mean to someone.

Roy, my friend from Atlanta also is certain that he holds the coveted “biggest bitch in the world” prize. The only thing Roy likes more than tossing spear-headed zingers at someone is recounting the story thirty times the next day.

Chuck from Tampa additionally had laid claim on the “biggest bitch” crown. His like-minded friends encourage his tirades and laugh about them behind his back.

With all the many things we can aspire to be as gay men, why do we want so badly to be perceived as bitches?

I understand that with a lot of people gayness is equated with suppression. Perhaps being outrageously “outspoken” is a way to deal with the confinement? Is bitchiness merely a verbal armor to protect ourselves?

Some facets of gay population adore the female “bitch”. We love the footage of Madonna unable to give an interview because she is too hot. We love Julia Sugarbaker’s tirades on Designing Women. I could think of countless examples. I have certainly embraced and even encouraged diva moments.

But why? There’s been many times in my life when the most lauded gay man in the room was the loose-lipped hot head. While he found himself genius I found him in dire need of learning the difference between assertive and aggressive behavior. Recently at a party that exact prototype exited the room proclaiming “aren’t I just the biggest bitch?” Indeed, you aren’t.

Among all these self-proclaimed bitches where is the most heartfelt gay guy in the world? Or the most patient? Or the most articulate?

I equate bitchiness with an underdeveloped personality. I find bitchiness immature. I see bitchiness as a tool for people who are unable to cope with complex adult situations in a mature manner.

I’d love if the next evolution of gay men can be the transition from bitchiness to sincerity. Until then consider me the most annoyed gay in the world.

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  • Jody said:

    I mean, I think it’s pretty obvious. Defense mechanism. When you’ve been treated like hell your entire life, what are you going to be? A bitch. Because you want to be seen as fabulous, but also “strong”. Unfortunately until society treats the LGBT community as a whole a bit better, I think this will continue to happen.

  • g_whiz said:

    Thank you Jody! I was going to log on just to suggest the same idea. I always view guys like this who get the first blood in and go to great pains to alienate others that might do them damage as people who are a.) toxic and worthy of steering clear of and b.) having some of the biggest defense mechanisms imaginable.

    Great food for thought though.

  • Kyle said:

    The bottom line is that this behavior is very unattractive. Furthermore, it is chosen behavior. In other words, individuals who are proud to be bitchy are deliberately choosing to practice behavior that is unattractive.

  • seantrevot said:

    I , too, feel being or acting the ‘bitch’ is a defense mechanism. It also can be interepereted as a compliment – especially if you enjoy being the Bitch of a macho gay man. I was the Bitch of one of these guys – he referred to me in company as ‘my Bitchprince’. I enjoyed every moment of that experience!!