Gender Identity: Masculine to Masculine
Submission by TNG Contributor K. Kriesel
When people see me with a bioguy lover, the few who say something will say one of two things:
1) that I’ve turned straight
2) we might be two gay guys
The main difference between those groups is that 1) sees sex and 2) sees gender expression. Group 1 perceives “opposite sexes” (and don’t know that phrase makes no sense) and expects certain behaviors – like that I secretly loathe my lover and just want him to buy me things. They also usually can’t resolve my queerness with my “heterosexuality;” apparently I must choose one or the other.
What Group 1 can’t see but Group 2 can is that the people to whom I’m attracted are usually masculine and that I’m rather masculine. In addition to just basic attraction, I relate more to masculine people. One thing that I’ve noticed recently is that most of the guys I get along with best have only brothers. Guys with sisters tend to be more protective of me rather than challenging, and I hate being protected.
Anyway, Group 2 is a bit closer to reality. They see gender expression, which is a facet of an individual. Biological sex has no inherent meaning or value, therefore judging a relationship on it ignores the true value of the people involved.
There are some queer people who are in Group 1, which is very disappointing. The queer community has been fighting for decades to be accepted for/despite “same sex” relationships. And now that I have “opposite sex” lovers, some queer people are giving me the same shit they’ve been given. It’s frustrating! And a few can’t/won’t see that we’re in the same predicament!
What those poor misguided queers and Group 1 see are “opposite sexes” and privilege. Yes, there are L.U.G.s (Lesbian Until Graduation) who give up their queerdom to live a “normal” life of straight privilege. That is not me! The people of Group 1 who assume my hatred of my lovers expect me to be like all the breeder women who’d rather be in a miserable relationship than contentedly single. And they do so because they get privileges by being in relationships with normal men.
And I don’t even want a relationship!
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