Cynical And Southern: The Harm in Cruising Online
In 2002 I was leading a double life that I am certain many gay men live. In public I was all smiles and jokes. No matter how outrageously fun the dance floor was or how many laughs I shared at a meal with my friends. I always went home and immediately got on gay chat sites. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing.
My music was doing well and I was having a lot of fun. Once I got home to my silent bedroom I obsessively and feverishly sought late night encounters to dull the aching empty space within myself. I also don’t think this is a bad thing.
There is nothing wrong with sex with strangers if you are mentally equipped to do it. At the time I was much too sensitive for casual sex with gay men. I always fell in love, or at least expected them to talk to me again.
The etiquette of gay online sex was unbeknownst to me. In the 1960s a generation wondered, “Will you still love me tomorrow?” Today this has morphed into “Should I vocalize my goodbye to you when I leave two minutes after you cum?”
My naive self was shredded and splintered by the coldness of it all. My body experienced some really great sex, but my self-esteem endured some massive bullet holes.
In 2002 my artistic reaction to the chaos of my life was a controversial online zine called “Naked Pictures Of People Who Were Mean To Me On The Internet.” This piece was originally published on an edgy site called NakedPoetry.com.
NakedPoetry.com has long been defunct and for one reason or another I didn’t have a copy of this work. Recently on a disc hidden deep in a friend’s drawer I found one sole copy of “Naked Pictures Of People Who Were Mean To Me On The Internet” did indeed still exist.
Reading back on my experiences I mourn for my sensitive younger self…and for all the thousands of gay men that are getting told today how ugly there are shortly after a guy fucks them.
I have restored “Naked Pictures Of People Who Were Mean To Me On The Internet.” When it originally ran the dicks were not censored.
I think this is an accurate document of what gay men can go through cruising online. Please be good to your own minds body, and heart.
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