Sex: Lesbians Can Grindr, Too
Submission by Elizabeth Perlman, TNG reader.
My best gay friend maintains a steady job, is decently attractive, showers on a weekly basis, stays up to date on current events, likes Disney movies, owns a cat, and would — given my brief summation of him —be described as a relatively normal and semi-sophisticated young male.
This same friend also has a photo collection on his iPhone of not only his friends, his cat, Penelope Cruz’s dress at the Oscars, but also a whopping 10 photos and two videos of his questionably aesthetically pleasing erect penis. This collection is meant solely to send out to other gay men through AT&T’s fastest and “growing” network.
I’m not sure whether this describes the current state of “normal” gay men’s social and romantic interaction in America, if a modern definition of romantic courtship includes exchanging dick pictures, but I witness such accepted “slutty” behavior with all of my gay male friends. Many young professionals, students, even closeted frat boys and divorced fathers frequently use internet sites such as Manhunt, Adam4Adam, and the infamous Grindr— a smartphone application similar to the Marauder’s map in Harry Potter that works as a magical map for identifying surrounding gay men within close proximity.
Often my friend gets a little too drunk and shows me pictures and videos of him masturbating, which after viewing succeeding images of his most flattering penis angles, become less horrifying by the 8th image. He had no qualms about revealing these photos to me until I caught a glimpse of his exclusive cumshot photo. He quickly snatched the phone away in an ironic moment of embarrassment. He also showed me a collection of dick pictures he has received all either notably smooth, veiny, small, large, uncircumcised, or what he describes as welcomingly Jew-ish. Face becomes a secondary factor to what level of attractiveness, at least, my friend is looking for in a perfect mate, or more appropriately a perfect hookup.
As a lesbian lady, I am simultaneously shocked, appalled, and jealous. If all it took for me to get laid was to slightly sacrifice my dignity and send a picture of my asymmetrical vagina lips to some fellow lady loving stranger 345 feet away, then I wouldn’t even be writing about this in the first place. Where is my Scissr? There might not be a need for one given the excellent stalking capabilities of lesbians regarding the whereabouts of ex-girlfriends, their girlfriends, and even their ex-girlfriends, but what about my Eve4Eve?
I want an application that reinforces my lesbian stereotypes. All I have is Okcupid and a few other obscure lesbian dating sites. I’m sure many people have success with these sites, but it’s still not as widespread as any dating site, mobile or not, intended for gay men. Even if a “Scissr” application existed, if I ever showed any of my friends a picture of my vagina, wet or not, I guarantee all of them would check me into an insane asylum or call me an absolutely disgusting subhuman.
Even Grindr founder Joel Simkhai announced in The Observer that he is developing a female-friendly, more “straight” application to compete with the already 1.5 million gay male users. As if straight girls needed any more assistance in finding men to notice them other than from simply existing in the outside world.
As for me, I unfortunately do not live in a major urban gay mecca and finding a lesbian within 20 miles feels like searching for the Last Lesbian Mohican. Simply existing as a lesbian is not enough to get noticed anymore, as I either need to strut an alternative Lesbian Who Looks Like Justin Bieber “look,” sign-up for a feminist book club, or yell “I watch the L-Word too!” in public.
Simkhai proclaimed that standards between men and women differ and the new Grindr application for women will contain different features specifically geared towards women and lesbians included. Oh, meaning women are less likely to fuck a stranger in a bathroom stall than the average gay man? He may be right, but I certainly wouldn’t mind competing with the gays to take back my right to be a slut if it meant being a normal person who collects vagina photos on my cell phone. I am still curious to find out how developing applications and dating sites for lesbians might change our losing battle with gay men for their stereotypical reign as the classiest sluts. But until my Scissr debuts, I will just have to settle for meeting girls the old fashion lesbian way — through my exes!
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