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22 March 2011, 12:00 pm 24 Comments

Sex: Lesbians Can Grindr, Too

Submission by Elizabeth Perlman, TNG reader.

My best gay friend maintains a steady job, is decently attractive, showers on a weekly basis, stays up to date on current events, likes Disney movies, owns a cat,  and would — given my brief summation of him —be described as a relatively normal and semi-sophisticated young male.

This same friend also has a photo collection on his iPhone of not only his friends, his cat, Penelope Cruz’s dress at the Oscars, but also a whopping 10 photos and two videos of his questionably aesthetically pleasing erect penis. This collection is meant solely to send out to other gay men through AT&T’s fastest and “growing” network.

I’m not sure whether this describes the current state of “normal” gay men’s social and romantic interaction in America, if a modern definition of romantic courtship includes exchanging dick pictures, but I witness such accepted “slutty” behavior with all of my gay male friends. Many young professionals, students, even closeted frat boys and divorced fathers frequently use internet sites such as Manhunt, Adam4Adam, and the infamous Grindr— a smartphone application similar to the Marauder’s map in Harry Potter that works as a magical map for identifying surrounding gay men within close proximity.

Often my friend gets a little too drunk and shows me pictures and videos of him masturbating, which after viewing succeeding images of his most flattering penis angles, become less horrifying by the 8th image. He had no qualms about revealing these photos to me until I caught a glimpse of his exclusive cumshot photo. He quickly snatched the phone away in an ironic moment of embarrassment. He also showed me a collection of dick pictures he has received all either notably smooth, veiny, small, large, uncircumcised, or what he describes as welcomingly Jew-ish. Face becomes a secondary factor to what level of attractiveness, at least, my friend is looking for in a perfect mate, or more appropriately a perfect hookup.

As a lesbian lady, I am simultaneously shocked, appalled, and jealous. If all it took for me to get laid was to slightly sacrifice my dignity and send a picture of my asymmetrical vagina lips to some fellow lady loving stranger 345 feet away, then I wouldn’t even be writing about this in the first place. Where is my Scissr? There might not be a need for one given the excellent stalking capabilities of lesbians regarding the whereabouts of ex-girlfriends, their girlfriends, and even their ex-girlfriends, but what about my Eve4Eve?

I want an application that reinforces my lesbian stereotypes. All I have is Okcupid and a few other obscure lesbian dating sites. I’m sure many people have success with these sites, but it’s still not as widespread as any dating site, mobile or not, intended for gay men. Even if a “Scissr” application existed, if I ever showed any of my friends a picture of my vagina, wet or not, I guarantee all of them would check me into an insane asylum or call me an absolutely disgusting subhuman.

Even Grindr founder Joel Simkhai announced in The Observer that he is developing a female-friendly, more “straight” application to compete with the already 1.5 million gay male users. As if straight girls needed any more assistance in finding men to notice them other than from simply existing in the outside world.

As for me, I unfortunately do not live in a major urban gay mecca and finding a lesbian within 20 miles feels like searching for the Last Lesbian Mohican. Simply existing as a lesbian is not enough to get noticed anymore, as I either need to strut an alternative Lesbian Who Looks Like Justin Bieber “look,” sign-up for a feminist book club, or yell “I watch the L-Word too!” in public.

Simkhai proclaimed that standards between men and women differ and the new Grindr application for women will contain different features specifically geared towards women and lesbians included. Oh, meaning women are less likely to fuck a stranger in a bathroom stall than the average gay man? He may be right, but I certainly wouldn’t mind competing with the gays to take back my right to be a slut if it meant being a normal person who collects vagina photos on my cell phone. I am still curious to find out how developing applications and dating sites for lesbians might change our losing battle with gay men for their stereotypical reign as the classiest sluts. But until my Scissr debuts, I will just have to settle for meeting girls the old fashion lesbian way — through my exes!

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  • shaniqua said:

    it’s called Qrushr Girls. just sayin’.

  • Kristofer said:

    Oh god. “Where is my Scissr?” Genuine lol. A+

  • kenney said:


  • Michael said:

    TNG has actually purchased the domain scssr.com. Let me know if you want to help secure funding to develop an online lady-friend finder.

  • Hans N said:

    For heaven’s sake, please do not think we are all like that! I’m not saying I’d never use Grindr if I had it, but showing friends explicit photos/videos is a bit much.

  • Mauricio said:

    I would tap that.

  • Christopher in VA said:

    Love it! Brilliant, Elizabeth—this read made a long, tired evening much better. Thanks:-)

  • Jean said:

    Scissr. Awesome. Girls who date girls really don’t have an easy outlet! And your joke about finding a gal through your exes is hilarious, and totally spot on. Great piece!

  • BD said:

    I love the idea of Grinder for women – as a point of reference I looked at the number of postings on Washington DC craigslist w4w (3/22 the date of your posting) it was 27 for the day. The number of m4m postings was 965. Interesting.

  • OberandOut said:

    I think a more appropriate name for a location-based lesbian hook-up app might be Nestr.

  • Doctor Whom said:

    Where do you meet your gay male friends? Yet again, it seems that there is one queer community that my friends and I inhabit and that there is another that the queer mainstream media cover.

  • Sarv said:

    Seamos transparentes

  • Anna said:

    Could I get your number Elizabeth?

  • Kate said:

    Thank you for writing this :) I now know that my lesbian self and grindr obsessed gay bff are not alone.

  • alina said:

    Loking to hoop up today

  • paula said:

    Looking for Ms.right. where ever you are Ian still waiting on you. I am patient.

  • paula said:

    All weekend in San Antonio heading home to Houston. Lot of girls here. Still did not find her.

  • paula said:

    What up for holiday?

  • paula said:

    All the gay clubs in Houston closing or all men. Where the women hanging out?

  • pilar kane said:

    Where is the spirit ladies? I know there are other like minded women out there and I am not ashamed to say I like to fuck … A lot…. And if you’re heathy mind body and soul then why not spread the love? there is no reason why we shouldn’t enjoy this beautiful little life we have…. Im young fun and really enjoy just finding myself in crazy random places with beautiful strangers… There is nothing wrong with that… Once yuan become strong enough to truly love yourself there is no persecution of self worth … We are strong beautiful intelligent human beings and should shake the stigma of social judgment … Now less fuck …

  • Laura P. said:

    I really don’t think we lesbians should encourage one another to adopt the sort of behavior for which lesbians have long rebuked gay men.

  • Julie said:

    This is amazing I am hysterical laughing- do you have a blog?

  • Nikolorraine said:

    Amen, and pass the vagina pics! What is this double standard? It’s bad enuf there is like 8 gay men clubs in a 2 block radius but not 1 lesbian club?! If anything given the amount of neglect in our community in taking an interest in providing anywhere for us to go to meet other lesbians, I feel the least that can be done is something online for those of us who don’t necessarily want to look for anything serious because we have such busy schedules. Our dating sites suck! ‘Ain’t nobody got time for that!’

  • sue said:

    While they don’t have a mobile app, http:GayChix.com looks promising and works well on a mobile phone… and is totally free