Advice: Enjoy Time Spent
Submission by K. Kriesel, TNG contributor
“Longevity is not a good criterion by which to judge the success or failure of a relationship.” - The Ethical Slut by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy
After years of doing the lesbian serial monogamy thing, it dawned on me that each successive relationship was far too similar. With girlfriend after girlfriend, the two choices presented to me were either to work hard on the relationship or to be an independent individual. And if you weren’t having fun, you weren’t working hard enough on commitment.
Is it just me, or should there be more to a relationship than work?
The most meaningful time I’ve spent with a … hmm, which term to use? … a person of romantic interest was four days. The only goal was for two people, both of whom had just been run over by exes, to have fun and to get to know each other. And we succeeded! I learned a lot from this person and then we went our separate ways. We both learned over the course of that Easter vacation that the duration of a relationship doesn’t necessarily impact its quality.
At the end of this year, I’m moving to the middle of nowhere across the country. [Thank you, AmeriCorps!] Does this mean that I should refrain from any sort meaningful relationship, knowing that it’ll be temporary? Hell no! In fact, knowing that the time spent with a special someone is limited encourages me to appreciate it all the more. And I probably wouldn’t want to be with someone who wants me to give up my exciting plans or who tries to follow me.
My point is that I’d like you to question your dating and relationship priorities. If longevity is among them, ask yourself why. It’s one thing to want to spend a lot of time with that special someone and it’s quite another to judge “success” or “failure” on duration.
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