This post was submitted by t

“I’m dating a girl…I’m bi” I blurted out late one night. My parents who never fought, were arguing over some incident involving a random woman and I was so taken off guard and so excited over my new discovery that I just couldn’t contain my secret. “That’s great,” my Mom replied, “You can get married in Massachusetts. Tomorrow will you go to the store…” she proceeded to list all the groceries I needed to purchase. My heart was racing, I cut her off, “I just told you I’m bisexual and you told me to run an errand?!” Suddenly their faces fell and the room seemed to darken. “What. I thought you were joking,” she said. “Well I don’t believe this, I’m going to bed,” my Dad responded as he left the room confused. My Mom was not finished. She proceeded to berate me and lobby questions that were misinformed and driven by fear.

I will never forget that night.

My parents are very liberal. At least they purport to be. I have a lesbian relative in a stable relationship with kids and many gay “uncles.” I didn’t think twice about coming out to them as I thought I’d be embraced with open arms. The problem was I didn’t come out to them, I leaped out and charged full steam ahead.

I held back the tears until I was safely upstairs. Almost safe. “Hey T, come in here,” my sister demanded. “I wana show you pictures of my boyfriend.” I slinked in the room and hid myself in her bed. Luckily her back faced me as she bent over the computer. She rambled on about her newest flavor of the week as I tried to hold back sniffles. One escaped.

“What the hell? Are you crying?”

“Maybe”

“Omg why do you make everything about you? I just wanted to show you a picture!” she said curious but also laughing.

“Well, what is it this time?” I decided to hell with it and told her the whole story.

I had met a girl at college and suddenly started having these vivid dreams about her. They wouldn’t stop. I had never been more turned on and uncomfortable in my own skin in my life. The problem was, they were interrupting my sleep cycle, and with exams only 2 weeks away, I needed my rest and concentration to study. I decided I had to do something about it, and long story short, I kissed her (I knew she was gay and had been flirting with me). In that moment I knew was absolutely not straight. Having been boy crazy in the past I figured I must be bi. The strange thing was, I didn’t think it was ‘weird’ at all. She kept waiting for me to freak out but I didn’t. I was too into her and intrigued by this new side of myself. It wasn’t until a few months later with a different girl that I did freak out and go back to men for a short stint…but that’s another story.

That night my sister just responded, “Yea that makes sense, because you like boys but you obviously seem to like girls too. Okay will you look at him nowwww?” My other sister responded the same way. They embraced me and really didn’t care. I am still confused by their total acceptance and non-curiousity but also immensely grateful.

As time passed, I realized I was really gay and both bi and straight were phases. I am still not completely out, hence the pseudonym, because my grandparents are more conservative and I haven’t quite figured out how to tell them. They probably already know but such is life.

My parents are still coming to terms with my sexuality. That night after saying goodnight to my sister, I went online and did some research on bisexuality since I didn’t know much about it either. I sent them some information and told them that this didn’t change who I was, I just believe in being open with them, etc. My Dad wrote me the nicest email I have ever received. He apologized for his outburst and said that while he wouldn’t have chosen this for me, he supports my path. My Mom is still struggling but she is beginning to understand and agreed to meet my girlfriend, which I think is huge.

But I get frustrated with that word, “huge.” She’s my Mom and she’s liberal, she should embrace me for me – gay or straight. Sometimes I wonder if I had come out the “right” way, if it all would have been different. If I had sat her down and explained my “decision” – as she sees it – maybe she wouldn’t have so many fears or reasons to bully me out of it. If I had waited until I was sure of my sexuality instead of figuring it out with them. Because of that she thinks it’s a phase and an act of rebellion. I know it is not.

I don’t think there is a right way to come out. Though if I had to do it again, I would have done it differently. I would have been more sensitive to them, BUT I would not have done it any later. I want my parents in every part of my life. Some people disagree and don’t think it’s any of their business; and some parents genuinely don’t want to know. To each her own. But this is my story, and if I’ve learned anything from it, I think the moral is to be sensitive to all parties involved but also to hold on to what you believe is true and be sure of yourself in all moments.

It is so important to come out and be out even though it is definitely hard at times, you can do it and it’s totally worth it.

---

First time here? See what we're all about... Get involved... Send us a tip!...

---