This post was submitted by Jean

In one sitting I read two articles, both on LiveScience.com, that made me feel the need to soapbox a little in Defense of Sex.

The first, a countdown called “10 Easy Paths to Self Destruction” listed “Having lots of Sex” among heavy drinking, sacrificing sleep and stressing out as one of these paths. The logic is completely fair, although poorly titled, as the brief blurb comments that having unprotected sex, not knowing your partner’s sexual history and skipping annual doctor’s visits is really what makes this a path to sex destruction.

The second article was also a countdown. This one was called “Top 10 Bad Things That Are Good For You”. Sex also made it on this list.

The blurb:

“Scientists have found that the benefits of sex go beyond immediate, ahem, gratification and satisfying the goal of procreation. Besides the obvious evolutionary purposes, we can all take pleasure in the news that having sex is an easy way to reduce stress, lower cholesterol and improve circulation throughout the body. As if you needed another excuse.”

I would say that most of us would agree that sex makes us happier, keeps us healthy, and is just plain fun—so why is everyone always trying to talk shit about sex? A path to self destruction? A “bad” thing?

“Gay sex,” or simply sex between two members of the same gender, totally gets a bad rap.  Apparently since humans were made to reproduce, what gay people do together is not just useless but it’s wrong. Gay men, of course are also often to blame for the spread of sin and disease.  Or men who have same-sex relationships are actually pedophiles.  ”Lesbian sex”, specifically sex between two women, is often the butt of the joke—that lesbian sex is non-existent or that people can’t even understand how it could possibly be done.

I am certainly an advocate of safe sex, consensual sex, sex that involves open and honest communication—sex that is fun for both parties, and I just can’t understand why sex is hated on so much. Against the gay community, but even more so within the straight community. Well, not all of the straight community, mostly just for straight women.  When straight men have sex for the first time they are “Becoming a Man” and if they have large quantities of sex they are studs. For women, virginity and sexual purity are held to a completely ridiculous and unsafe standard.  Often girls are taught that their “virginity” or their “purity” are such an important part of who they are that losing that cherry means you are used goods. No longer “worthy” of your future husband—because somehow virginity is tied to a woman’s inherent worth (not a man’s mind you). The recent Harvard Rethinking Virginity conference took a new look at some of these ideas about demonizing sex. Feministing had some interesting commentary on myths about women and sex, including about how queer sex really is sex (even if it doesn’t include vaginal intercourse), and how slut-shaming is really just veiled sexism.

In the gay community our sex is mistreated and mislabeled but at least we avoid the “no sex before marriage” hullabaloo, because people don’t always consider what we do to be “sex” AND because most of us aren’t allowed to get married. Having sex, if you are gay or straight, is not a sin, a “bad thing,” or a path to self destruction.  Having unsafe sex or having sex without being emotionally prepared for the experience and consequences, however, is dangerous.

Let’s stop shaming people who enjoy safe sex. Let’s make time in our schedules to have more safe sex. Let’s allow all people to define their consensual sexual experiences however they’d like.

And, in the end, long live (safe and consensual) sex.

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