This post was submitted by Andrew D

While I’ve already gone through the arduous process of answering these questions, there are millions of identifying LGBT individuals out there who are just beginning, half way there, or fighting the quest.

I’m a huge fan of the Showtime series United States of Tara featuring among other amazing characters, an out gay teenager who is an intricate part of the unique focal family unit. The great thing about Tara, and I find this to be common today for many shows featuring out, gay characters, is that from the beginning of the show Marshall (Keir Gilchrist) was out to his family, had already been through the process, and his family was totally accepting and loving of their gay son. Beginning the show like this reflects a modern family unit for some and a futuristic family unit for others, but in both instances it surpasses the need for a coming out episode, the explanation, dealing with the aftermath, etc. While these are all important elements of the process, the 2000’s know that many of us can already relate. The 90’s focused more on the revelation of the gay character, now that we’re here and we’re queer, we’re getting used to it.

On a recent episode of Tara, now in its second season and fantastic as ever, writer Diablo Cody challenges the gay archetype through Marshall while simultaneously processing his internal identity struggle/process. During an LGBT Alliance meeting between eight or so students, Marshall states that an “I” for “Independents” (usually reserved for intersex) should be represented for those that aren’t sure what box they fit into most neatly or whether they fit into a box at all. Later in the episode during a locker-room scene, Marshall converses with Lionell (Michael J. Willett), a loud and proud gay teen who feels the need to be radical and make everything about being gay, sassy, and controversial. In a bold (and personally relevant) move, Marshall calls Lionel out on being a Radical Gay stating, “You ruin it for gay people! […] I’m not you!”

I was genuinely shocked to watch this conversation take place on television and applaud Diablo Cody for breaching the issue. As a contributor for a site that represents the side of the rainbow less traveled by the mainstream media, I relate to Marshall and think it’s fantastic that this is being put on the table. I’ve never connected with the Radical Gay, the Nelly Queen, or any of the gay stereotypes that many equate to ‘being gay.’ I’ve always been an artist, a filmmaker, a designer, a writer, and happened to be gay. Though I must add, that while we sit here on our thrones patting our backs for how ‘passable’ we are to the outside world, Michael Jensen, writer for After Elton, notes that we often dismiss the RG’s of the world and accuse them of setting us back. We “fail to credit […] the Stonewall Rebellion to the drag queens who fought back.” In the end the equality fight rests on all of our shoulders and whether or not we relate to each other, we have to stick together to the end.

The spat between Marshall and Lionel highlighted Marshall’s ongoing discovery/development process and later in the episode he ends up making out with a straight ally from the LGBT Alliance. Another matter I can relate to. Not every gay man or LGBT person develops in the same way. Just like puberty things are clarified/revealed at different stages of our lives. Some know from birth that they are different while others like me, discover the reality later in life. I’m in my late twenties and I am a gay man, but this was not always the case. I dated girls for many years, to be honest I never had a clue I was gay until college. Sure, thinking back there were definitely some telling signs, but it wasn’t till I kissed my first boy during a rousing bout of truth or dare that I realized things were about to change drastically! I was raised in a very conservative, Christian household and I didn’t know any gay people growing up. It wasn’t until I started high school when I got cable and started watching movies like Rocky Horror Picture Show, and hanging out with the alternative kids at school that I even knew what it meant to be gay.

I dated girls throughout high school and never had a single serious thought about kissing a man let alone dating one. In college that all changed. I was eighteen and just discovering there was something changing inside me that felt more right than dating girls ever had. I spent the next five years dating men and women back and forth, convinced it was just a phase and that I would end up with a woman, get married, have a family. After college I moved home for a few months to save money then quickly relocated to Los Angeles with my then girlfriend. Three months later we had broken up and I vowed to never date women again, I am a gay man! A year or so later I came out to my parents and they slowly started to accept me for who I am. Today things are really great with my family, most of my extended family knows and I’m out to just about all of my friends and coworkers. It feels good to not have to hide who I am. It feels really good!

The moral of the story is I wasn’t born in a tiara, dancing to show tunes, and I didn’t find chest hair on men sexy in my younger years. I am a gay man but I didn’t always know that. While we may avoid the queers attending trance clubs and celebrating pop icons, those are still our kin and if we don’t find a tolerant common ground we’ll never accomplish anything. So thank you United States of Tara, Showtime, and Diablo Cody, cheers to you for showing the world that the LGBT community comes in all colors, shapes, and sizes!

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