This post was submitted by t

Some people like to moan, others like dirty talk. Some like verbal abuse while others shower their partners with compliments. Then there are those who prefer total silence. I used to be the latter. Until I slept with a woman. The first time I heard her moan I practically came on the spot. Hearing my partner was so sensual, it sent goosebumps rippling down my spine. I decided I had to let go and reciprocate.

Moaning was just the beginning, though. There’s sighing, different volumes of breathing, exasperated moans, orgasmic moans, and screams. A friend of mine even said her lover made animal noises! Not to mention actual words. I had to learn a whole new language.

At first, I was worried and afraid of the unknown. Don’t be! True, for some people silence is their thing, and yes, there are times when trying to be silent is highly sensual. But that’s usually when noise is the norm. Being vocal gives your partner intimate and instant insight into your pleasure. It’s extremely sexy.

If silence is your standard, talking to your partner about the physical act of sex may sound awfully scary- moaning can be a good and less frightening step down the road to this end. Moaning when she’s pleasing you shows her you’re enjoying what she’s doing – without expressly talking about it. If she’s not completely dense, it will also motivate her to continue pleasing you. And, if nothing else, it reminds your partner that you haven’t fallen asleep.

Ok, so, easier said than done, right? Maybe. It’s really up to you. The first time I tried to be vocal in bed, it was an epic fail. I was with my ex-boyfriend and let out a half-hearted “uh, uh, oh baby, harder…” It was a limp attempt and I could barely contain the ensuing laughter. Next time was with a woman. She was really into being vocal and I was really into pleasing her, so instead of telling her I’m always silent and she should please ignore that about me, I just pretended that being noisy was my thing too and went for it. It was awesome. I felt more in touch with my sexuality. It was liberating, and I’ll admit, overcoming my nerves was part of the excitement.

I discovered that communication is key. Girls talk about everything, put two girls together and you really talk about e-v-e-r-y-thing. So why don’t we talk sex – in the bedroom? Because it’s AWKWARD. So what?! If you are comfortable enough being completely naked with your partner – touching and licking each other, etc. It shouldn’t be so hard for us to talk about pleasure. Just tell her that if she just moved a little to the left you would orgasm. Yes, it will probably be uncomfortable the first time you break the silence. It will feel weird and self-indulgent and too personal. I’m here to tell you it’s not. If you can get past that “it feels weird” feeling and let go, you might add a new layer to your sex life and have more fun. And, it won’t kill the mood – as long as you don’t tell your lover point-blank they suck in the sheets…and not in a good way.

Still sound scary? Experiment with vocals while masturbating. If you can get comfortable with it in private, it may be more natural when you’re ready to try it with your partner. Chances are, if you’re confident in yourself, your significant other will be turned on too. Start softly and then experiment as you grow more comfortable. Just because you want to be quiet doesn’t mean you have to be mute -whispering sweet nothings in your lover’s ear can be extremely titillating.

Try talking about sex outside the bedroom so it feels less awkward in the moment. Or, make it all about her. Compliment your partner, make her feel good about herself and what she’s doing. Then, move the compliments to tips, as in, “ooh, baby, I love it when you do xyz…” She’ll figure it out, and from there it should be easy to move into other vocals, should you choose to. If there’s something you want to try or something you think your partner could do better to please you, she probably wants to know – wouldn’t you? And, it’s equally important to ask her what she wants and if she likes what you’re doing. Talking to your partner can bring you closer together as lovers and enhance your life between the sheets.

Being vocal should be fun, but conversely sex shouldn’t be fun just because you’re making a raucous. Keep those communication lines open and fluid and you may discover some new positions that could rock your world. …I know I did.

*I will conclude future articles with a section entitled “Getting Awkward” which will feature YOUR stories. I’ll provide the topic, you provide the personal testimonials – tune in to see if yours is featured. Anonymous submissions or requests to remain anonymous will be honored. Please submit to: t@thenewgay.net. Topic for next article: The gimp arm: What do you do with that awkward hand when you’re cuddling…

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