This post was submitted by Master Aiden

Hello, Master Aiden:

I want to try S&M with my partner but he isn’t sure if it’s something that he likes.  How can I get him to loosen up and give it a shot?

–C. in Chicago

Hi, C:

Tell him to Man Up for cryin’ out loud!  Just kidding.  Well … you can’t and shouldn’t push people towards activities that they’d feel uncomfortable with.  The best thing to do is try to get him to embrace some light BDSM activities in your private time with him.  Very light bondage, some subtle spanking maybe — nothing too heavy duty.  If he’s not feeling it, you’re either going to have to drop your S & M fantasies altogether or you should possibly seek an outside player with whom you can indulge.  But will your partner give you permission for that?  The best avenue for you depends on how much you want/need BDSM in your life.  You’d better discuss this topic further with your partner.  Hopefully he’s putting out in other ways or your relationship is headed for the junkyard, my friend.  You boys need to head over to Boystown this weekend and pickup some paddles and silicone lubricant, pronto!

Dear Master Aiden:

I am married to a woman (have been for 9 years) yet I’ve always wanted to be with a man sexually but not in a relationship.  I’ve been thinking about meeting up with someone that I’ve met online who is open to the idea and understanding of my situation.  If he and I have something on the side, do you think that I’m cheating on my wife?

–D. in Oak Park

Hello, D:

The rules within every relationship are different.  Do YOU think that you’re cheating on your wife?  Personally, I believe that your interaction with your male play partner will hold an incredibly different dynamic than the one that you have with your wife.  Depending on your wife’s personality, she may actually be open to the idea of you having adventures on the side with another man.  Or she’ll divorce your ass.  Hmmm … I don’t know your wife so I can’t say for sure.  I’m going to take the evil route and say, “What they don’t know can’t hurt them.”  You’d better be using protection, Bucko.

Dear Master Aiden:

I really enjoy reading your postings and I look forward to serving you one day when I come to Chicago!  My question regards my boyfriend and I.  He’s interested in being a Dom but doesn’t know where to start.  Any beginner’s tips?

–M. in Seattle

Dear M:

He needs to just dive in using common sense and allow himself time for the inevitable learning curve.  The more I do Dom work professionally, the more I realize that most people, even the ones that think it’s a glamorous or neato job, are not cut out for it.  It’s an incredibly strange job that, if our American society finally grew some pubes one day, would be a legitimate profession that required some sort of cross-degree of psychology, personal training, and sociology.  Is he good at business?  Does he get easily freaked out?  Is he mature?  Is it something that he wants to do for a month so that he can march around with a riding crop and a harness and tell his little friends how edgy he is?  Or is he actually serious about it?  Being a pro Dom is right for a very, very small percentage.  He needs to try it out for 2 months.  If he likes it and it’s something that works for him, then great!  If not, then he can chalk it up as a life experience and firmly move on.  I’ve trained so many new Doms/Dommes who are clearly not meant for the job that, at this point, I’m a skeptic.  This goes for both guys and girls.

Hi, Master Aiden:

I’m personally not interested in BDSM, but I know that my husband is.  I’ve seen what’s on his computer and it’s not all vanilla!  I’m thinking about hiring a Dominatrix as a gift for him for his birthday.  Any recommendations?

–S. in Chicago

Hello, S.:

I know a number of amazing Dominatrixes in Chicago but I would feel like a traitor recommending one over another.  Google “Chicago BDSM” and research the right lady for your spouse’s birthday.  S., I respect you for having a mature, realistic, and open-minded approach to your relationship with your husband; it’s very healthy and modern of you.

Master Aiden:

A friend of mine brought something new to my attention: Furries.  We both enjoy discovering new and strange fetishes but this is something that I’ve never heard of before.  Have you ever done a session with a Furry before?  What do you know about them?

–A. in Dayton

Dear A:

Oh, the Furries — those wild and wooly kinksters of urban mythic proportions … they require their own article, so that’s exactly what we’ll be discussing for the next “Yes, Master” entry.  Stay tuned.

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