This post was submitted by t

The gimp arm is the WORST! It’s so awkward, and it’s always just there. When cutting it off isn’t an option, what do you do?

If you don’t know what I’m talking about, you’re a top.

The gimp arm just sucks. You lay down to cuddle, while one of your arms wraps freely around your girl, the other imposes itself uncomfortably beneath and/or between you. And then it’s just awkward. Can you push it out to the side? Uncomfortable. Stretch it out straight, parallel to your body, down by your legs? Weird and in the way. Bend it like a chicken arm, where do you put your hand? Under your head? Falls asleep. Under your girl’s arm? Tickles her = no good. Leave it in between you, next to her breast?…not appropriate on a first date.

It interferes with pillow talk. It interrupts cuddling. It makes spooning uncomfortable…or worse, reminds you of your days with men (if you had any). It disrupts kissing, if you’re laying on your sides. Arg! It’s like a whole third person in conversation – not saying much, yet loudly intruding.

Imagine this: you’re on a date with a girl you’re really starting to crush on. You go back to her place to watch a movie. On the couch, she pulls you close and wraps her arm around you. Suddenly it happens. Your arm is caught in an awkward position between your two bodies. But you’re really comfortable and you’re really into her so you don’t want to ruin the mood. 30 minutes later your arm has completely fallen asleep as the mood gets more intimate. She leans in closer and kisses your neck. Her hand moves down your back and onto your thigh. You kiss her lips. She shifts positions and you make your move. But you’re stuck. Your face goes white and you’re mortified as you realize you can’t feel your arm, or move it and suddenly you have pins and needles shooting through it. Fucking gimp arm.

Don’t let this happen to you!

Here are some options to avoid this situation, they’re necessary but kind of boring, so feel free to skim…

Pretend you’re spooning – you’re the big spoon. Stretch the arm that’s smooshed into the bed, up under your head so that it supports your head (with pillow in between) and is out of the way of your body, leaving it nice and close to your girlfriend.

Still spooning. In between your girlfriend’s head (on the pillow) and the mattress is a little space. Carefully thread your arm through this gap (under her neck) and allow it to rest outstretched, or wrap it around her to get even closer. For the hugging position, you may need to move yourself a head above her for a better angle. This position is nice because it gives your arm more freedom so it shouldn’t cramp as easily though it will take some getting used to on your shoulder.

So these are all great if you’re spooning, but what if you’re facing each other? This can be an even worse predicament because now there’s not one but TWO awkward limbs – yours and hers. One option is always the chicken wing, where you both bend your arms and tuck them beneath your head – not ideal if you want to be wrapped up in each other.

Okay, bear with me, because this is slightly complicated but awesome if you can get it to work. One of you puts your bottom arm under the other’s neck, while the top arm goes around the other’s waist. Easy. Meanwhile the other person (this is the trickier one) needs to slide their lower arm (the one smooshed into the bed) into the nook that’s created in your side between hips and ribs – and the bed – play around until you find it. I can’t say it exists or will be comfortable for everyone, but if you find it you’ll know. This person’s other arm should go around the other’s waist or up near the shoulders, wherever is comfortable in relation to the other’s arms. Entangle your legs. Enjoy sheer bliss.

Happy Cuddling.

*I will conclude future articles with a section entitled “Getting Awkward” which will feature YOUR stories. I’ll provide the topic, you provide the personal testimonials – tune in to see if yours is featured. Requests to remain anonymous will be honored. Please submit to: t@thenewgay.net. Topic for next article: What happens when you have to use the bathroom – to freshen up or escape – and your same-sex date follows you in…

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