This post was submitted by Art

I don’t follow the changing of the seasons like most people. I don’t measure how close spring is by the temperature outside, the snow on the ground or whether a rodent living in the ground sees his shadow (seriously now….humanity has an information and communications network to rival what Captain Kirk had on the original U.S.S. Enterprise. Can we stop this silliness of Groundhog’s Day?). I measure the changing of winter into spring through four magical words. Words that have, for the last century and a half, given hope to millions of people in this country.

Pitchers and catchers report.

I speak, of course, about the beginning of the baseball season. Most gays don’t like baseball. Despite the preponderance of baseball games on at DC gay sports bar Nellies over the summer, most of them couldn’t tell you the difference between a cutter and a curve ball. Oh sure, they’ll see David Wright or Matt Kemp or Ichiro and think, “Oh, he’s hot,” but won’t give an iota of thought to any of the three’s Hall of Fame merits or how their play impacts a pennant race. That must change. In baseball, every gay man (and women, for that matter; baseball has a long history of being passed on from fathers to daughters and mothers to sons) has an opportunity to relate a little more easily to straight society.

It has a unique place in American history and culture. Indeed, baseball has made a global impact unlike any other sport this country has played. On a simple level: the game of baseball is the most beautiful game ever invented. The contradictions of the game, fundamental to its nature, are amazing. A leisurely game that demands blazing speed. A game that hates change, but has often times been ahead of larger societal changes. A democratic game that accepts (even to a degree encourages) cheating.

Then there’s the game itself (what you actually do). Baseball is unique: it is the only sport in the world where the defense has control of the ball. A beautiful mathematical game: 90 feet between each base. 3 bases. 60 feet, 6 inches from the mound to home plate. 3 outfielders. 3 outs an inning. 3 strikes, you are out. 27 outs. Baseball is not bound by a clock, so the game is quite literally timeless. Aside from some minor cosmetics done to the mound (and allowing people of color to play [the game cannot hide from its dark past, either]), the game played in Yankee Stadium in 2010 is the exact same game that was played at Shibe Park in 1914.

Every spring bring hope to some 27 cities across the country: this year is going to be THE year for my (fill in the team of your choice). The best part about that hope? Unlike some politicians, the promise of hope can actually be delivered by baseball teams. The 2003 Detroit Tigers set a record for the most losses by an American League team with 119. In 2006, they steamrolled to the World Series, only to lose to the St. Louis Cardinals, who had gotten into the playoffs with the fewest wins EVER by a playoff team. The 2007 Tampa Bay Devil Rays were the the worst team in the American League, and one of the two worst in baseball. In 2008, the Tampa Bay Rays destroyed the competition en route to the World Series (they also had the 2nd lowest payroll in the game that year). The 2009 Yankees outspent all of the other franchises on free agents and won the World Series.

How can all of this help gay people get ahead? It provides an ice breaker, a common frame of reference and can be the jumping off point to any number of different discourses. Your best friend’s new bf? The one you can’t stand? Part of the problem may just be you don’t have anything to relate to. Some of the best friends I have on this planet today where guys who I started talking to only because of baseball. They weren’t comfortable with the fact that I was gay, but little by little, things changed. Dramatically so, to the point where one of the guys (a self described, “Michigan redneck” [yes, he has a little Levi Johnson in him]) confessed to me over the weekend he was disappointed with the President’s handling of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell (in the same way we all are).

I’m certainly not suggesting one needs to have a level of fanaticism which approaches mine (in fact, I’d probably advise against that. You don’t want to be me. I’m crazy). I mean to say that baseball is a beautiful game, which a history and a following unlike any other and one that can provide something to talk about with straight men. You might be surprised, if you make a bit of an effort, at what they’ll do. And, I’ll be perfectly honest, there are a TON of hotties that play baseball. To wit:

AL East:
Baltimore: Nick Markakis
Boston: Jonathan Papelbon
New York: Jeter, obvi.
Tampa Bay: Carl Crawford/Evan Longoria (and OH MY GOD CAN THEY PLAY THE GAME!!!)
Toronto: Aaron Hill

AL Central:
Chicago: Alex Rios/Carlos Quentin/Gordon Beckham
Cleveland: Grady Sizemore
Detroit: Justin Verlander
Kansas City: Zack Grienke/Scott Podsednik
Minnesota: Joe Mauer

AL West:
Anahiem/Los Angeles: Howey Kendrick
Oakland: Jack Cust/Gio Gonzalez
Seattle: Ichiro Suzuki
Texas: Ian Kinsler

NL East:
Atlanta: Chipper Jones
Florida: Dan Uggla (those eyes!!!!)
New York: DAVID WRIGHT
Philadelphia: Cole Hammels/Ryan Howard
Washington: Ryan Zimmerman

NL Central:
Chicago: Derek Lee/Randy Wells
Cincinnati: Homer Bailey
Houston: Lance Berkman
Milwaukee: Ryan Braun
Pittsburgh: Andrew McCutchen
St. Louis: Albert Pujols

NL West:
Arizona: Dan Haren
Colorado: Troy Tulowitzki
Los Angeles: Andre Either
San Diego: Adrian Gonzalez
San Francisco: Tim Lincecum (if he cuts his hair)

If you want to see the others, just go google their names. I’m not going to do all the work for you.

So, baseball’s got that going for it as well. Maybe you should watch for that. Peace and love.

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