This post was submitted by Hannah Everhart

I made this phrase up after getting asked many questions that were completely ignorant (but well intended).  Sometimes I think that folks just didn’t have adequate words while sometimes people were just mean spirited but humorous in and ‘did that really just happen?’ way.

I worked as a barista at a Starbucks in Northern Virginia for six months.  People always glamorize the job, but being a barista is far from glamorous.  (Unless you like to wear black polos and khakis, and smell like a combination of burnt coffee, milk, and cigarette smoke.)  Every Thursday night it seemed like every high school student in the area came and would hang out.  And they all wanted frappachino’s and thought they were cool for drinking ‘coffee’.

I’m working alone behind the counter; two boys who look about 12 came up and ordered.

Me: What can I get for you?

Boy 1: I wanna vanilla frappachino

Boy 2: You’re getting coffee?!?

Me: (silently in my head) So glad I’m not 12 anymore!  And a frappachino isn’t coffee.

Boy 1: Are you hiring?

Me: Yes, do you want an application?  (We have to offer even if the person looks way too young)

Boy 1: Do you have to be a f*g to work here?

Me: Blank stare

Boy 2: looks at Boy 1 with a “did you really just ask her that?” face

Boy 1: She wouldn’t know if you have to be a f*g.  She can’t be a f*g.  She’s a girl.

Boy 2: That might not be a nice question to ask…

Boy 1: But she would know if the other people were f*gs.  So.  Do you have to be a faggot to work here?

Me: That’s actually a completely inappropriate and offensive question to ask

Boy 1: Oh

Boy 2: See I told you that wasn’t a nice question

Me: Your total is $4.20

Boy 1: (pays cash while saying) Oh my God the total is $4.20!!  Get it?! Four. Twenty!

After this interaction I honestly did not know what to think.  On one hand, these boys seemed to have no understanding that the word f*ggot could be offense to some people—maybe they don’t even know the roots of where ‘f*ggot’ came from.  (And giggling while hearing the total $4.20 was common with high schoolers) while on the other hand was I completely overanalyzing this interaction with two pre-teens who have their own experiences and reactions/assumptions to the word f*ggot?  What I always wonder about these micro-interactions is if the person will actually realize that what they’re saying can be perceived as ignorant. And on the flipside—wondering what I might say that’s completely ignorant, yet well intended.

*I choose to exclude the word f*ggot from my vocabulary and choose to censor it in my writing. However, I also respect that others have reclaimed the word and use it freely in their speech and/or writing.

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