Race: Racism in the Queer Scene
“Man, there’s a lot of white people here!” was my greeting when I first arrived at the UCSB’s Resource Center for Sexual and Gender Diversity, a supposed safe place for all students. “Okay.” I replied, really not knowing what to say. Was I supposed to say “I’m sorry?” My race isn’t anymore my fault than the sex I was born into. Later, t
he speaker of my greeting would turn me down for a dance because I was white. That was the beginning of my experience of racism in the queer scene, that is dividing the movement.
“Racism is dead. We have a black president,” were words spoken out of ignorance by someone I know.   I was just at a lost for words to how to reply. They haven’t seen the black ghettos on the outskirts of Manhattan. They haven’t been to a queer gathering and heard the accusations that any white woman who voted for Hilary was racist against Obama. They’ve never been turn down for a date due to the color of their skin. I’m responding to their comment by giving them a copy of Speaking Treason Fluently: Anti-Racist Reflections From An Angry White Man by Tim Wise.
Color divides the queer scene. Whites go to one party, blacks to another, Latinas to another, and Asians to another. For the most part, I don’t know where people of color go to party. Or if I manage to find a party where they are – they don’t want me there because I am white. I am against all forms of oppression but when my allies don’t even want me to associate with them because of my skin, it upsets me. Skin shouldn’t be the deciding factor in what parties someone goes to – but it is.
I’ve also noticed online dating is insanely racist and people seem okay with that. People of color not wanting to date someone white. Someone white not wanting to date a person of color. It’s ridiculous. That’s stuff that shouldn’t matter. It should matter if you are kind, compassionate, and loving. Not what your meatsuit happens to be.
Newsflash: We’re all oppressed in the capitalistic system. Everyone. Some have more privileges than others but we’re all prisoners. Instead of fighting among ourselves for scraps and dealing with the branches of the problem, we should go for the root. As long as we’re living in a system that thrives on oppression, division, and “us” against “them” – we’re not going to get anywhere. We need to stop fighting over silly things and agree to disagree to tolerate and respect each other.
Separatism isn’t real world conditions. By separatism, I mean dividing ourselves based on sex or race. Men can be just as proactive in the battle against sexism as women. Whites can be just as effective in combating racism as persons of color. But to simply devalue someone based on something beyond their control is ridiculous. I get really upset when I see individuals show special interest in wanting a social group composed of a certain sex or race. It shouldn’t matter. Their attempt at being politically correct is making them an anti-racist racist.
I would like to see a queer scene where everyone – all races and sexes – come to the parties together. I was really disappointed by the New York City queer scene and the division. I am disappointed by people who claim to be anti-racist but then won’t date me because I’m white. If the cycle won’t end with you, who do you expect it to end with?
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People of color not wanting to date you as a white person is not racism. Maybe you don’t find people of color who will date you because your understanding of racism is off.
As a white person who’s is continuing to learn about the effects of racism and privilege, and what anti-racism really means…
Ummm’s right – you’ve got some work left. For one, a fairly cursory familiarity with anti-racism work would reveal that the common working definition of “racism” is “power+prejudice” – “reverse racism” does not exist by definition.
POCs are under no obligation to give white people who claim to be “not racist” or anti-racist the benefit of the doubt, and wanting to create spaces where they can exist without dealing with white folks’ blithe sense of privilege or frequently ham-handed attempts at being “not racist” does not make them racist.
@ummm agreed. I am an Indian, and I have yet to encounter any “racism”. I have never been turned away because i wasn’t a certain color or whatever. Actually I have had guys that did want to sleep with me because I was Indian – see “curry-chasers”. Jenn I think that you just have bad experiences where ever you go. Maybe it is your politics or how you carry yourself. One word of advice: stop being overly pushy with your ideas.
May I also suggest you put down the anarchy books for a second and read this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Elements_of_Style.
Just my two cents….
I hate using the word “reverse” with forms of oppression. Racism is not defined as prejudice against POC, it’s prejudice against someone because of their race. If people are so quick to dismiss an ally in their struggle, it just makes it that much harder to be successful. Of course a little skepticism can be good, but to dismiss them completely is foolish. It’s the same thing with sexism: of course there are going to be some issues that men can’t completely understand but that doesn’t mean that they can’t be feminists.
Oh shit, Rohan! Go girl.
There two um../ummm’s? Ha.
I’m a POC. How does a POC not wanting to date a white person because they are white…not racism? Because isn’t that just racial discrimination?
@Rohan: Totally know what you mean, but instead of curry-chasers it’s yellow fever for me.
To clarify my vocabulary use, in a lot of anti-racist social justice work, there is a distinction made between “racism” and “(racially motivated) prejudice”. White people may be on the receiving end of racial prejudice, but are never going to experience racism – the compound impact of racial prejudice, pervasive social stereotyping, and institutionalised disadvantage – the way POCs do.
As an extra white girl (I basically glow in the dark) who has recently been hanging out in the DC queer/lesbian scene, I’ve had a rather different set of experiences. The opening night party at the District (a predominately AA club) was wicked awesome as is any Sunday night at FAB (also largely AA). Everyone is generally welcoming and looking to have fun.
I spent a good chunk of last night hanging out with a new barstool buddy, an African American woman in her late 40s; talking about life (at Phase I – a mixed crowd although largely white lesbian club) and had a few really fun dances with a cute Asian girl.
I do believe that racism is alive and actively malignant, I also think the attitude you put out and the way you make people around you feel is a significant factor too (most especially in “romantic” interactions).
I know you are taking a lot of crap for this post, but thanks for sharing your thoughts Jess. It’s elucidating to have a bit of insight into the way other people interact with the world.
Alex, of course there are aspects of racism that white people can never fully grasp. Also, racially motivated prejudice is the definition of racism. Using slightly different terminology doesn’t make the idea any different.
It’s kind of cute to think about that instead of focusing on the issue of racism – you are focusing on the issue of -me-, which you know almost nothing about rather than focusing on the real problem. You are missing the point.
P.S. @Rohen I read the Elements of Style and I know how to properly use a comma. kthx
The author’s point was good, even if she didn’t use all the most “correct” meanings of words. Can we drop the “i’m more oppressed than you and/or im white but so above racism that i admit im racist even if i hate racism” argument, please, for once? Yes, in sociology and social justice “racism” is a complex of institutionalized and societal things in addition to individual prejudice. But, thats not how the vast majority of people use the word. Plus, that is racism in the US setting, its slightly different in different cultures and countries. Also, most of your comments ignore her whole point and take issue with her wording, rather than the substance of her message. I for one would rather people not divvy themselves up by race/sex/age/whatever, because it is rather arbitrary. I understand where the desire to do so comes from, but the only way to move past racism in every sense, is for people to make an effort to break out of the cycle of oppressor/oppressed. Stop performing that narrative, and it starts to weaken. Yes, that means white and non-white all have to make an effort to understand each other and act accordingly. Give the author a break, please.
jess:
youre a complete idiot with no understand of the race/power dynamics. did it ever occur too you that poc dont want to date white people cause youre almost all racist? i cant believe i wasted my time reading this whiny bullshit “article”
@Tessa – I’m not making this up, it’s a distinction people use. For a longer discussion on the idea, I think this blog post does a pretty good job.
@Jess – I think the point to the criticism is that your post itself is illustrative of some aspects of the problem. A white person calling out POCs for being racist is seriously sketchy. Beyond that, the rest of the post seems to be mostly “Racism is bad. Why won’t people just stop being racist?” which really doesn’t do much to advance the discussion.
Jess,
You are right that a lot of the comments are about you, and not about racism. We can all agree that comments like these are typical for blogs, but sometimes they can point out issues in the original text.
While I applaud your attempts to discuss issues like racism, queer vs gay/lesbian identity, vegan anarcho-pacifism, etc. on TNG, your articles have a tendency to come across as skimming the surface, or sometimes missing the point entirely. Having a discussion about racism in the queer scene is great, but a text consisting of personal anecdotes about being a white person denied access to people of color and their spaces isn’t about racism in the queer scene, it’s about a much narrower topic altogether (and one that some of the comments would suggest isn’t about racism at all).
Your posts come across as a little gender studies/leftist thought 101, like a college freshman who is just discovering the world beyond their upper middle class Minneapolis suburb for the first time. Rather than trying to tackle gigantic topics in however many words TNG allots to you, try to focus on a narrower topic. I think you’ll end up making more of an impact, and hopefully avoid these comments you dislike so much.
Alex, my point was more that the terms are irrelevant, it’s the same idea, and it’s counterproductive.
Did you seriously just compare the black ghettos and projects (where people, you know, get killed and kids sell drugs) to you not being able to get a dance?
I agree with the first Ummm…, Alex, and Rohan.
Oh yeah, then there is this statement:
“We need to stop fighting over silly things and agree to disagree to tolerate and respect each other.”
I don’t really think it is a “silly thing” that from an early age my mom told me and my siblings that we should never bring our backpacks into stores because people will automatically think that we’re going to steal or are stealing stuff…And I still walk around stores thinking people are watching me to see whether or not I’m stealing.
Or the fact that the main reasons I would be accepted to say…Princeton, would be as a “token” to help fill a quota…Despite my academic records.
Or the fact that my uncle, who just happens to have a full beard, always gets extra-checked at airports because of profiling.
Yeah, your understanding of racism and how to counter-act it is waaaayyy off.
@fskjhds Sounds like someone is a racist and it isn’t me. You’re comment is really racist because you are judging people due to skin color. That’s the definition of racism right there. Shame on you.
@Stephen Thanks for the constructive criticism.
Levi – Your reading comprehension is off. And by agreeing with them – you to are being a racist as they are. Discrimination based on skin is racism. To call it something else to give it euphemisms is cute but not very productive. You can call something whatever you want but you are really just a cauldron calling the kettle black.
And now you’re calling people racist for disagreeing with or correcting you? Wow…What happened to the “agree to disagree”?
Levi – Again, your reading comprehension is off. I validated my point with “facts” as to why you and the others are being racists; re-read my statement if necessary, but you have no counterargument as to why it isn’t racism? Tessa, qwertpoiuy, and I would like to know how discrimination based on skin color is not racists? If you can prove that than maybe you can turn lead into gold.
I agree that racism remains problematic in both the mainstream and gay community. However, something I noticed growing up in the midwest was that the gay (and especially lesbian) scene was so small that segregation along racial lines was far less prevalent. When there’s only one gay bar or gay-friendly cafe in your city, chances are the groups are going to be more inclusive because to segregate oneself in such a small community could mean losing the majority of your friends.
Now that I’ve lived on the east coast and abroad the racial segregation is apparent, but even so, I’ve actually felt more marginalized within the gay community for being a feminine lesbian than I have for my race. I’ve never walked into a bar and been told I shouldn’t be there because I’m white, but I have been told I would be better off in a straight bar because of the way I look and dress.
jess:
again, you show yourself to not even have the most basic understanding of the subjects you are writing about. the only people with the power to perpetrate racism in this country are WHITE PEOPLE. that means YOU. my stating this, and calling white people out on their racism doesnt make me a racist. however, you’re denial of this shows you are no different than all those people you criticize for claiming racism is dead in this country because obama is president.
you’re analysis is too basic and mis-informed even for a crimethinc publication meant for 12 year old buddiing white anarchists. find a new hobby.
i hate to continue the comment trend of throwing the “racist” label around BUT,
implying that a particular race should find you attractive (i.e. want to date or dance with you) IS racist. perhaps the article should be retitled, “How dare you not want to date me? I’m white!”
Haha, I may not be an anarchist, but I know enough of them and have read enough of their writings and literature you know that you’re failing pretty hard at it right now by refusing to address or admit to your own privilege.
[...] Silly Monkeys they don’t get it. Some monkies dislike other monkies because what they look like. They like to justify their dislikes with theories to make it valid and okay in their messed up minds. Weird. Hate is hate no matter what you chose to call it. Get over it. After all, we’re just monkies. | Tags: monkies « Genderqueer: Breaking the Mold Article [...]
My question has nothing to do with me or my race. You are avoiding the issue by projection on me for my meatsuit. You have no answered what I have asked: I validated my point with “facts” as to why you and the others are being racists; re-read my statement if necessary, but you have no counterargument as to why it isn’t racism? Tessa, qwertpoiuy, and I would like to know how discrimination based on skin color is not racists? If you can prove that than maybe you can turn lead into gold. It’s easy to call names and point fingers – but this is the meat of the problem and no amount of theories can justify your hate. I have nothing more to say to you nor do I need to explain myself.
P.S. I do admit and realize my privilege but that’s not what this article is about. READ. The article speaks for itself.
did you just call me a fucking monkey?
If you are not attracted to someone of a certain race, that doesn’t make you racist. I am not attracted to men, and that doesn’t make me sexist. I have gay guy friends who are only attracted to other bears. They have twink friends in their circle, but they don’t want to have sex with them because they aren’t attracted to twinks. It doesn’t make them bear-ist.
“I’m not into white girls” doesn’t mean someone is racist. One of my closest friends is a Black woman who “isn’t into” white girls, yet her two best friends are white women. She would take a bullet for her two best friends, so I’m not going to force her to order from the LL Bean catalog to prove she isn’t racist. Taste is taste and not racism. If white girls don’t push her buttons, then let her be.
I think that part of being queer means not apologizing for your attractions.
I think that we can all agree that within the homosexual world and/or queer scene there is a definite division among folks. Whether that is related to class, race, gender, etc. I am in total agreement that this division that exists is the pits. I would love to see this divide be destroyed once and for all, however, I’m not sure how we would go about inclusion among all individuals while maintaining a safe space for folks who feel the need for said space.
And what about the individuals who I don’t want to mingle with- HRC supporting, upper middle class, white men (I hate to generalize, but..). Does this make me classist? Racist? I don’t think so. My disinterest in engaging with these types of folks comes from various experiences and I don’t really want to put my comfort aside to include them (Just to clarify- I have no problem having a chat with an HRC supporting, upper middle class, white man. I’m sure there are plenty who I would adore and get along with, it’s just that I’d prefer to surround myself with individuals who I more closely relate to). I guess what I’m getting at is, we all have our comfort levels.
You reference parties in which people of color are the dominant group and you’re turned away for being white. While that certainly is not inclusive, I think it’s pretty terrific that these individuals who have been systematically oppressed are creating safe spaces in which feelings of solidarity and understanding are being shared. My hope is that these parties or gatherings are not a result of being excluded from other events.
I know you disagree with this perspective, but I’m just throwing it out there.
Yes, we must create parties/spaces/actions that all individuals regardless of race, class, and gender feel safe and included but a little autonomy (a party for and by people of color) can be a rewarding and a beautiful experience. But, I agree, when this division is the norm- it’s troublesome. I just think it’s kind of silly for a white individual to claim victimization for being white.
I understand your argument as to why you feel like you’ve been subject to racism- I just cannot agree with you. Perhaps we should look at why people of color may have reacted that way towards you? There are various reasons, some have been mentioned above.
I’m excited to see your perspective added to the mix on this blog. It has already sparked quite a few comments.
Just being nit-picky but perhaps using the anarchist queer flag for the image of each of your articles is a bit redundant, something tells me you’re more creative then that. Also, the term meatsuit is disgusting.
I agree Stephen, fskjhds, cdc,and Levi. Jess Five –go back to racism and anti-oppression training 101. You are the epitome of the white ally that is colorblind in your approach to race and diversity, and you focus on how racism victimizes you. I could go on and on, but based on your responses to other posters (did you rally use a quote calling people monkeys in a discussion about racism?, I’m checking out and not returning.
This article is so incredibly offensive. I guess this website is only good for finding events and what not.
We interrupt this Blog for a special bulletin!!!
NEWSFLASH NEWSFLASH
RACIST QUEERS ON A RAMPAGE!!
ok
enough already.
first off can we all get rid of the ISM’s already
that’s the root of the problem.
secondly
PREFERENCE does not necessarily mean prejudice. or does it?
i mean seriously, if i prefer white guys over blacks does that make me prejudice or one who knows his/her likes and dislikes(what i base that on should always be my right–RIGHT!, or should it?)
If i prefer straight friends over queers does that mean I am a bigot or shit just a straight guy that likes the company of like-minded individuals.
(are they truly like-minded because of whatever variance of human nature that i grouped them in or because i haven’t taken a sec to step outside myself and really know who i am)(since i am sure there are some gay guys that may not be in my circle yet i amy still find some other common ground with)
The problem is exclusivity
not race, gender, sexuality etc etc etc
On a human level we seem to confuse what we like ,or what we are, as being the preferred choice or the right choice. Hence all the ism’s
We are a species hellbent on our own destruction due to our own narcissistic predisposition. Once we consciously acknowledge this we might actually get somewhere and who knows maybe one day laugh at all these isms we projected onto ourselves and realize we’re a bunch of multiawared organic information storage units that operate based upon pattern recognition.
and actually become conscious enough to affect and change the patterns around us.
So that is why i am a unnamed gay American patriot son of a immigrated black preacher that exclusively dates white guys who preferably are atheists and dumb. LOL jk or maybe i’m not
NEWSFLASH NEWSFLASH
THAT HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS POST or did it?
THIS CONCLUDES OUR SPECIAL REPORT
–and now back to your ordinary pattern of blogging–
I agree with Maggie and Raphael. Two very valid points. And, Carrie, I know exactly what you’re talking about. I experience the same thing, myself, every time I go to a queer bar, club or space. I always just figure that the girls that were there just aren’t into femme women, but maybe next time. And, I leave it at that. Most of the relationships that I have had have been with women that I befriend, and eventually we get together if ever. The other thing is that there are those who are intimidated by some people for whatever reason: too smart, too pretty, too athletic, too tough, or whatnot. So that’s also something to consider.
Going back to the bickering back and forth, I think Jess’s statement has a lot to do with separatism and how it’s counterintuitive or problematic. Not to knock you or anyone, Jess, but maybe the rejection of some females has more to do with their lack of politicized thought. The movements of the past have created a space for us now to have the opportunity to have a choice and to be selective of who we want to exchange our time with. For some, it’s a privilege they are not even cognizant about and are unaware of how their actions affect or hurt others. And for others, it’s not that way. One thing is for certain, a safe and welcoming space is something that we all desire, therefore, we have much more in common than we think.
@ Jess Five
As a person of color your article completely offended me. You need to do a lot more reading on anti-racist politics and how to be an ally (I’m sure you can find resources online). Clearly you have no analysis regarding racism and therefore are not fit to write about it. You don’t even have a basic understand of what racism actually is! Not to mention, the space you are taking up makes me ill. White people and their privilege… It never ends.
After reading the article and the comments thread, a question entered my mind: Could it be that many people just MAY prefer associating more often with others who share their same race, ethnicity, orientation and/or gender? Are we so convoluted with political correctness, sociology, cultural relativism and race-oriented theorizing that we can’t just understand the basic idea of shared commonality? I enjoy having friends (and partners) of all colors and backgrounds but I find that I have more in common with those who share a similar identity with me: queer, Caucasian, middle-class background, male. Sorry, I do not think that it’s wrong or racist or unhealthy. It’s just honest.
It seems as if people are constantly trying more and more to force upon themselves and others the idea that we are all supposed to think the same and have the same opinions and constantly embrace the fallacy that is “multiculturalism”. This is damaging. If I immediately associate negativity towards someone of a different race than mine solely based on the color of their skin, that, to me, is racist. Wanting or preferring to be around those most similar to me is not. A bit egocentric or limiting, perhaps, but not racist. Sometimes I think the queer community acts even more self-righteous than the right wing “family values” freaks.
People, I live in South Africa – the home of apartheid. We have managed to transform from an absolute segregated nation into a fully integrated nation very peacefully. That doesn’t mean apartheid is dead. It’s very much alive and well here in SA but its also very much alive and well in the US, Europe, Australia and everywhere else. We’d like to pride ourselves that we have grown or advanced beyond the point that skin colour doesn’t matter but it does. On certain topics it does matter and on other topics it doesn’t. The question is, what’s important to you? In an ideal world the colour of one’s skin doesn’t matter but then again sexual orientation and class and elite-ism and whatever else wouldn’t matter either. Fact is, we live in the real world and people are spoilt for choice and people are people and let them be people by making their own personal choices. Live and let live. We HAVE to be different on many levels and if people choore to form little exclurive groups then let them be. You wouldn’t want anyone to make you choose any flavour icecream just because its politically correct? If you don’t like broccoli flavoured icecream then you simply won’t eat it. It doesn!t mean you don’t like icecream. You may like any flavour you like AND you MAY choose any flavour combination you like AND any toping you choose. Its a free world. The mere fact that you might not like a certain flavour doesn’t make you a hater of icecream but an individual.
People need to get over themselves and realize that they might not be everyone’s flavour and that’s okay.
Racism is a relative term as long as its not enforced by the government of the day. Not everyone has to like vanilla or chocolate icecream. Choose what you like and to hell with everyone else. I’m a white man and I refuse to apologise for who I am or what I like. I like white men and light skinned latino men. Period. Live with it or don’t. It doesn’t make me a racist. That’s where one’s upbringing and manners and respect for others come into the picture.
[...] and this piece about DADT that questions the most familiar narratives, also publishes things like this piece on racism in queer communities that utterly misses the boat, where ‘racism’ is [...]
How about a person of mixed races? Where do we fit in? Is there a club we go to? :P
I think everyone should dig a bit deeper into what they mean when they say they aren’t into a person based on the superficial hue of their “meatsuit”, as the author of this post put it. At this stage in the evolution of human beings, I think it is obvious that all men and all women (white, yellow, red, black, brown or blue if they existed) are created in about the same way; some are taller, or darker/paler versions of their counterpart from one contintental origin to another, but on the whole (with a few phenotypic exceptions) we’re all the same. If your disapproval of a person is centered around these genetically unalterable traits, then you are choosing to deny someone the chance to get to know you (and vice versa) for a discriminatory reason that is undeniably related to race (whether you want to say racist, reverse-racist… call it what you want to, it sucks and not in the way I like).
It’s when we tie what we percieve as the ideal of the “nature” (color) to what we’re looking for from the “nurture” (personality) and choose to ignore the possibility of interacting with someone who we perceive won’t have been nurtured the same way we have because their nature is sooo different from our own that we really lose out. That is true whether you’re a white guy that grew up in Harlem with “gangstas” at your doorstep, or a black guy that loves techno, took ballet and can belt A#s at random, or a gothic asian, or someone who fits into the stereotype for their culture. Oftentimes we assume that a person from one perceived background won’t be able to interact in the world from which we grew, but whether you’re from the dominant world or a rising subculture, any other person could easily have grown up a part of your world (did you catch/like that reference?).
As a black guy that grew up in white suburbs (with what others perceived as soft mannerisms but what he only knew as how he was) and then was transplanted into a more diverse locale, I have been both victim and villian; ignored by whites who thought I would never be able to mingle casually at their events while ignoring blacks who I thought wouldn’t be able to interact with me on the level I have grown accustomed.
I have since learned to see the error in both angles and now attempt to see the world from a balanced point of view. Once others do the same, maybe we won’t NEED places to escape to to feel validated.
Chillipip69 said: “I’m a white man and I refuse to apologise for who I am or what I like. I like white men and light skinned latino men. Period. Live with it or don’t. It doesn’t make me a racist. That’s where one’s upbringing and manners and respect for others come into the picture”. Am I to understand from this that all non white/latino men are disrespectful and ill mannered? Or is this just a badly written statement? POC listen up – White people will never understand their privileged positions with respect to absolutely everything to do with life, especially social interactions. White Europeans have “invaded” just about everywhere on this planet and in so doing established systems of discrimination in order to conquer and dominate. This is the simple truth of history. And now many generations later white Europeans are at the apex of this acknowledged and unacknowledged system(s) of race discrimination as practiced by the media et al. Expecting white Europeans to understand or empathize is simply naive and immature. Do the myriad comments telling poc to “deal with it” and “I’m not apologizing” tell you that?
Caste and color discrimination were unknown in Africa and the “New World” until the colonizers arrived. And yes I include here the Arab invasion(s) of Africa. It’s so simple, form your own communities first and foremost, don’t go looking for acceptance in the community of others before you learn to love and accept your own. Date and love whom you will but from a position of understanding. If you don’t understand this then you really need some pertinent lessons in history, especially that of race relations in America.
And to those Asians that I constantly meet and whom feel “privileged” to be dating a white European and whom constantly defend racism, get a grip, your stance is extremely ugly to all concerned!
I’m discriminating against black guys by not hooking up with them? Sorry but that doesn’t pass the laugh test. It’s one thing for me to say that I don’t serve black guys at my lunch counter, because I have control over who I can and can’t serve. That would be racist. But I don’t have control over the traits that turn me on sexually… The type of guy who turns me on are other young, fit white guys like myself. Therefore, I don’t think I deserve to get beat over the head about privilege for what I choose to do in my bedroom.
And let me be clear… I’m not saying “I’ll never be attracted to a black guy in the future” What I am saying is “From my past and present experience, I only find myself getting turned on by a certain type of white guy” I think instead of trying to tell people they’re wrong to like what they like … we should encourage guys to just be honest. Avoid broadcasting what you don’t want, and just be positive about what you do want, whatever that may be.
In public, I’ll show respect to anyone who shows respect to me, and I think that’s where we should focus our energy.
Mike said: “I’m discriminating against black guys by not hooking up with them? Sorry but that doesn’t pass the laugh test.” I don’t think that anyone is accusing you of discrimination Mike, but if they are, then they are fools to be ignored. Speaking for myself I was demonstrating the hypocrisy of white gay men, in that it seems fair game to discriminate when race is the issue, but not so when the rather exclusive “gay community”; consisting predominantly and vocally of white gay men, is the recipient of said discrimination. Personally I don’t find Asian men attractive, is this due to racism? No just simple aesthetic attraction. And if poc are mindful of white European gays, it’s merely a reactionary and completely understandable stance, especially with regard to my previous post.
I would be genuinely surprised if anyone who has actually read all of Mike’s comments on this site actually believes that he is a harbinger of respect or equality. The only interest he has is in lecturing everyone about how is incredibly mature and enlightened despite making completely inaccurate and racist statements.
Many gay white men love to pretend that their aversion to black men is only sexual, but a quick glimpse through in the comment section of “Why am I not Attracted to Black Men” gets to the guts of this issue. No one is saying any person should be attracted to/or fuck anyone. This is a ridiculous straw man that only a prepubescent teenager would consider a rational argument. We all have to right to sleep with/date who ever we want. We don’t have the right to say black people or white people or Asian people are all X and then claim that this is somehow exempted from it’s appropriate label of racial stereotyping. This is not about political correctness or legislating sexual intercourse, it’s about reserving judgements about what is or is not desirable for individuals. Everyone seems to understand this concept when it applies to their identities, but for some reason it gets fuzzy when it applies to black guys. Or Asian guys.
But of course, the people who are partake most readily in this racist behavior will simply refuse to hear otherwise. They can’t help who they wanna fuck, and it’s just a total coincidence that they exclusively desire the ever glorified “fit white man.” Oh yeah, and they’re scared of black people because of Marion Barry. And one time a black guy tried to rob them. No reflection of the causation of this exclusionary choice is necessary. Just finger pointing. If only those mean black guys would stop calling them racist, maybe they wouldn’t be racist.
But honestly, I’m beginning to wonder if the issue is more related to racism or just superficiality. Maybe the real question is why do so many gay men have a very difficult time distinguishing between the boner in their skinny jeans and an actual connection with someone else. The fact that this topic is always synthesized to “I can’t help who I want to have sex with” is a huge part of the problem.
I’ve always said we should respect people in public. That’s my whole point. What goes on in private might be some ridiculous F’d up stuff for all we know, but if it’s between consenting adults, why spend so much time harping on it?
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