This post was submitted by Master Aiden

Sometimes one of my challenges can be communicating why it is exactly that people are into the spanking, bondage, ballgags, roleplay, nipple clamps, etc.

For those of you who are into this kind of stuff, no explanation is really needed. Many people feel comfortable just saying “Because it’s hot!” or “It just IS!” and leave it at that (which may be the best way to approach it).

BDSM is kind of polarizing for most folks, especially once you get into the more obscure or heavy-duty practices so I’m going to try explaining what it is exactly that makes the blood boil.

Keep in mind, this is just me theorizing through my own experiences so take it all with a grain of salt. It doesn’t, by any stretch of the imagination, reflect the overall thoughts of the BDSM community since all experiences/feelings are unique to each individual.

Why do people enjoy being vulnerable and getting tied up?

Part of it has to do with the relief connected to the loss of control.  I strongly believe that it’s similar to why people enjoy going on rollercoasters.  It’s a thrill.  You’re going on a ride, through your own helplessness, and anything could happen.  Secondly, it’s the focus on the slave.  You’re the center of attention; you’re in the spotlight.  Possibly, depending on the scene and those involved, the erogenous zones of the body are being addressed and manipulated through an outside force. There is, undoubtedy, a strong element of the rape fantasy coming into play.  Most don’t admit to this fantasy, yet all have dreamed it at some point.  You are, more or less, being ravished OR in a position in which that could possibly occur (and, for some, the possibility is just as good if not better than the actualization).  You are in a state of forced surrender and this can provide a psychological lift/vacation.  You give up responsibility.  And who doesn’t want that every once in a while?  But I believe that the cornerstone of masochism is undivided attention.  The Master, when punishing a slave, has the slave and only the slave as their world during that moment.  Think of it as a song being played only for you…

What about spanking, whipping, pain?

First, let’s talk about roleplay, which is linked to the appeal of pain.  Even a hardcore masochist wouldn’t go, “Oooh, yeah, that feels so good….” when they get a papercut or stub their toe.  The reason why people like the pain in BDSM play is the person creating that pain.  It’s someone they’re attracted to, intrigued by, or someone that they want in control of their manipulation–it’s all about who is pulling the levers.  The application of pain is a form of sacrifice and a connecting point between the slave and the Master or Mistress, even though I know that some people would find that weird.  What it boils down to is that line of electricity between two beings.  Some people want kisses, others want spankings.  The difference is in the delivery.  And those people who like pain are only (usually) turned on by certain kinds of pain, not all pain in general. Similar to food tastes.  Some people like tomatoes, others don’t.  Sure you could try to psychoanalyze or bring up some Freudian reasons as to why tomatoes appeal (or don’t) to this person or that person and in the process just cook up all kinds of false conclusions for the satisfaction of supposed finality.  That’s done all the time.  Saying, “Mystery solved!” as though you’re going to get a certificate in the mail or whatever but, in truth, there is no means of reaching a firm conclusion.  It just is.

You’d assume that people who are into heavy belting, for example, are reliving some past childhood trauma which is manifesting as a perverted sexual stimulus.  For some slaves, sure, this is the case, but you’d be surprised how many of those whipped individuals never received corporal punishment by any authority figure at any time in the past.  They just thought that it seemed sexy–maybe they saw a belting scene in a movie or a porn magazine.  Once they grew up, they tried out that fantasy and the rest is history.  Yes, sometimes it is that simple.

For the Dom/Domme (the person in control), the appeal is the power involved and/or your desire towards the slave.  Since I happen to be a huge control freak in my life outside the dungeon, being a Master suits me, because it indulges who I am already.  I really am bossy and hyper-focused, so, of course, I love being able to transfer that energy into a session.  It makes me happy and, since I have a voyeuristic streak in me (big time), I get to see every twitch and sensation that they’re going through with the satisfying awareness that I’m the one causing it.  The connection that I have with some slaves is unbelievably pleasing.

Everyone, no matter how far you try to run or how much you have to hide behind, is a freak when it comes to eroticism.  Everyone.  Whether or not they admit to their wishes or, further yet, have the audacity to live them out is a different deal.  Most don’t.  But swirling around in the back of your mind is a hellfire of decadent, twisted fantasy that would make even the Marquis de Sade blush.  Yes, I know your secrets.  That’s my job [wink].  Your frumpy boss at work is a freak with sick, awesome daydreams.  The same goes for your partner, your best friend, your minister (especially…), your parents, your siblings, and that guy who’s sitting on the bus right next to you.  Uncomfortable yet?  You shouldn’t be.  You know all this stuff already.

BDSM is an outlet for those who have the bravery to address their fantasies (whatever those may be) in real time and, very importantly, the maturity toemotionally process their adventures the next morning after.  Those who are invested in the lifestyle skip the guilt and embrace their natural erotic freedom.

Eroticism, of any kind, in any dynamic, has to do with sensation and power.  There is no exception.  BDSM is just that volume cranked up past 5.  There are toys, costumes, pretend situations, and bizarre contraptions involved (sometimes), but it comes from the same fountain installed in every other adult’s life.  The leather, the chains, the collars are the internal externalized, the sexual subconscious let out to play.

I realize that many of the practices and aesthetics of the bondage world can often seem extreme, but just keep in mind that what these people look like on the outside is what you may look like on the inside.  Whether we like it or not, there are no set maps and there are no conclusions.  Everyone’s reason for the lifestyle is unique or there may be no reason at all.  Every sexual adult can relate in their innate understanding of the erotic subconscious.  The wilderness is vast, varied, and highly complex. We’re all part of it and we all are aware of it.  Judging the desires of others is laughable considering all the scandalous shit that inevitably bubbles up in your skull.

Infinite Mystery: enjoy it, live it, play responsibly, and respect variety.  It just is.

In the next entry, we’ll discuss the depths of BDSM and the shadow side of the gay psyche.

---

First time here? See what we're all about... Get involved... Send us a tip!...

---