Yes, Master: The Heart of Darkness
Gay men are known throughout the world as being especially horny, perverted, and gross.
We deserve it. Good.
Some people believe that gay men surpass straight men in their uninhibited pursuit of all things flesh-related, fetishistic, dirty, and forbidden.
Not necessarily. It’s all in how it’s spun.
But it’s not that straight men are particularly vanilla with their tastes in fantasy (anyone who’s seen the fucked up anime porntasia that heterosexual gamer-types enjoy, and what happens in them, know that straight boys can be nasty as hell), it’s just that gay guys are considered on the fringe to begin with so the gay culture (the core of the entire thing IS sexual identification and sex) pursues its unique assortment of pleasures with a distinctively aggressive gusto that the mainstream straight world seems, most often, to abandon.
Hetero sex, in our culture, is cuddly, sweet, maybe a little “naughty” (feather tickler!), and the stuff of “Give Him What He REALLY Wants In Bed” headlines for magazines on the grocery store rack.
It’s kosher, it’s fun, it’s something to be discussed on TV… and then there’s gay sex.
A different deal.
When the mainstream touches on the bedroom lives of gay men… Oh wait, they don’t. That nice, friendly gay couple next door is fun to talk to, but why would you ever discuss what they do to each other at home? That’s where the bad things happen. Things go up butts, so speak in hushed tones about it.
Since gay sex and erotica, in our culture at large, is so forbidden/dark/secretive (yes, it is) there can be an extra shame/disgust element layered on top of a part of human life that is already (to some) shameful and disgusting.
That’s when things can get weird and that’s where I come in. Hey there, buddy!
Straight BDSM, in my opinion, can go towards a stranger level of intensity that gay BDSM cannot, because there is that eternal distance/mystery of man vs. woman (and their never-ending clash of undisclosed motivations) involved whereas, with gay BDSM, no matter how heavy it gets, the playing field is always a little bit more (ironically) straight. Men understand other men and, in general, have a pretty good idea of how the score is going to play out.
But men can be very tough with one another. And, no matter how much they care for or love one another, there is always a little bit of man-to-man competition and powerplay innately involved, which is part of the reason why many gay relationships can be especially challenging. I imagine that it can be the same deal when it comes to women with women. From what I know from my lezzie friends, that seems to be the case sometimes.
BDSM turns humans into toys and sometimes that can be extremely scary. Pinocchio in reverse. Whether you’re bound or not, there is one person controlling the fate of another and so there must be an element of risk involved.
The bondage world is the realm of the animalistic, carnal side of human nature. We are cultured and polite when need be, but the entire point of S&M is to leave that world of rules and regulations in some other dimension–not here. When it’s playtime, you’re not going to be treated nicely. Actually, you may be a very different person afterward.
But, if it’s being done properly, with someone who has completely surrendered themselves to the Wild West of erotic desire, then it’s transcendent, beneficial, and – here’s the whole point of this whole damn thing – it allows you to be fully in tune with that side of ourselves that is animal nature and, no, you don’t get to be in that headspace too often, if ever, outside of sexual indulgence. No apologies, no excuses. Pure exploration. All the rules, bullshit, and extra sheets of plastic that we pour over society in order to maintain order are thrown aside.
That stick is very heavy. You’re tied up. That stick hurts and, the person holding it can do whatever they please to you. Having fun? Maybe yes, maybe no, depending on who you are…..
Sometimes the domination/submission dynamic can be abused and, sometimes, if a person (the Dom) gets carried away, it can be a negative experience ,which is why people have to be extremely careful with whom they play in S&M. There’s a reason why the pro Doms exist: because the submissive knows that we’re not going to wind up going apeshit on anyone. There are plenty of very experienced, many-years lifestylers that are just as good, if not better, than the pros, but there’s a whole different group of bondage newbies who think that BDSM is an excuse to just hurt people (and they like it, right?). I’ve seen it happen more times than I’m eager to admit since I’m entrenched in the leather subculture. There are idiots everywhere. Lots of them, as a matter of fact.
BDSM can be dangerous. In any erotic situation, there is always one person driving the car. One person is in control and another person is submitting. There is no other formula, just varying degrees. Bondage is simply taking that dynamic a few steps further.
If you’re going to play these dirty games of ours, then you might as well indulge completely. It’s all about turning back into an animal and that’s the beauty of it. Place your guilt on the sidewalk and take a blow torch to it (guilt is usually worthless anyway). Be perverted, be filthy, do things that mannered people shouldn’t do. If you’re going to be gross then go for it and don’t wimp out.
Is there anything to be afraid of? You bet your sweet ass there is! Just make sure that the Dom is wearing his proverbial muzzle too.
*And if you’re going to have someone tying you up and twisting your man-nips, then perhaps you should have one of those things that I’ll be discussing for the next “Yes, Master” article: Safe Words…..
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