Comments on: Not Your Average Prom Queen: Your Brother Might Be a DB

By: jimbo

jimbo — Wed, 13 Jan 2010 20:28:34 +0000

Have you told him you hate him because he’s simply a Douchebag? (I prefer the term as a single word). It might clarify things for him. Like say, “Bobby, I do hate you because of your fake tan, tattoos and regular gym habits, but not because you’re a man. Bobby, I hate you because you’re a Douchebag.” Then maybe you’ll reach an understanding and start to bridge your differences.

We Are Douchebags:
tp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8tqEBQjWRws

By: Wes

Wes — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 00:45:37 +0000

I am a man who does not workout, tan, or have tattoos, (so maybe that’s up for debate, here) and I’m also a feminist. It’s nice to see that other people, even women, have struggled with labeling themselves as a feminist as it is such a confusing term for some people. Now, when I come across women (or men) who don’t consider themselves feminists, I can’t help but ask them why they’re hesitant on identifying that way. It’s usually, as you’ve pointed out, for fear of being labeled a man-hater. I try to counter that fear with the assertation that feminism is just believing that women are equal to men, and should be seen as such in all facets of society… and hope they decide to see “the light.”

But kudos to you for exploring so many valuable aspects of gayness, “progressiveness” (though I can’t believe it’s progressive to be a feminist anymore), and family – more directly, the ‘black sheepness’ that so often comes with these aspects of us. You’re an awesome writer.

By: heidi

heidi — Mon, 07 Dec 2009 02:48:56 +0000

well done says this female reader :)

By: Rain

Rain — Mon, 07 Dec 2009 00:32:55 +0000

As much as I love poking fun at any and all douchebaggery, the thing is this. As we grow we all form different opinions on the things we like and don’t we all for view one how we should or should not act and what is acceptable/unacceptable. You get the picture. You grew up (lord only knows how) feeling one way while you brother feels differently on many subjects. What he finds wonderful and normal, you find distasteful and vice versa. But who set the standard limits for normalcy? The truth is there IS NO NORMAL. Everyone’s version is different. What is DB to you is normal to him and what is normal to you is maybe just a little too truthful for him. This could go a million different ways.

But the bottomline is that maybe he is feeling personally attacked and overgeneralizing it out of sensitivity. Men like him are usually forced to assert their masculinity as they barely have a leg to walk on in that department so it goes without saying that he would go on the automatic defense.

The same goes for you. I don’t think this is so much a feminist problem as it is a Jean problem. Not that that’s cool, because personally I find you gorgeous, hilarious, endearing and a multitude of other affectionate words.

Is any of this making sense? I think sometimes that I am so judgmental of some of the people I heckle that I forget that at the end of the day they are real people who are just going through life the best way they know how because they aren’t as strong as I am to deny fashion trends and be true to themselves. Some people need those veils.

I’m done rambling now. I hope I don’t sound like I am defending his actions.

By: michael

michael — Fri, 04 Dec 2009 17:59:17 +0000

My brother was a DB. He was awful. He started calling me “gay” before I even abandoned crushes on girls. He would terrorize me around the house, basically making it an inhospitable place for me. If it doesn’t kill, it makes you stronger. Now that we’re both in our 30s, he’s mellowed out a bit and is one of the more accepting members of my family. Time can heal wounds, or at least attitudes. I’m not sure I’ve forgiven him for the abuse yet…

By: Levi

Levi — Fri, 04 Dec 2009 04:49:14 +0000

I know your pain…My sister is totally awful like that and openly says homophobic and transphobic things (and generally she’s just a bitch). We (my parents and I) are hoping she’ll grow out of it or that when she gets to college next fall she’ll finally get knocked off her imaginary pedestal.

Your brother needs to try saying that shit around some REAL men (who don’t generalize their entire existence by tattoos, tanning, and working out and don’t whine stupidly about their sister who is OBVIOUSLY smarter and a better person than they are)…He won’t be pulling that kind of crap after that.
It makes me glad that I can clearly see that my little brother is turning into a very open-minded, respectable, and respectful young man (funnily enough, he says some of the girls he goes to school with think he’s gay because he’s so nice and polite to girls and women).

By: Drew

Drew — Fri, 04 Dec 2009 00:26:57 +0000

A. I, too, have fallen victim to the societal “expectations” about what a feminist IS or IS NOT, and thus have shied away from calling myself one. However, I’m glad that you discussed, even in brevity, the sides that helped you identify with the word and movement.

B. The phrase “shit-filled mouth” is probably one of the most accurate phrases you could have possibly used to describe the situation. I appreciate your writing style because I feel as though I was actually in the situation, and my heart was burning with fire as if my ear were also pressed up against your bedroom door.

C. The three examples of manhood your brother used are hilarious, but that doesn’t negate the extreme frustration I feel. Not only because he’s your brother and it brings up the whole point of “family/unconditional love,” but on the larger scheme that there are DBags out there who really have thoughts like this. Makes me want to fight harder for the things I know are right.