This post was submitted by Rohan

Hey y’all! So I would say, “less talk, more rock,” but instead here’s some bullshit to read before the reviews. It is really fun doing these reviews, because I get to impose my taste on whoever reads this, but it is even more fun weeding through promos. Getting promos makes me feel like I’m back in my radio days. I loved finding new music, but I also loved getting all the crap.

This week I got a very special promo. I won’t tell you what it is until next week, but all I can say is it’s flat-out bad. I mean, it’s listening-to-Limp-Bizkit’s-“Break Stuff”-on-repeat-for-seven-hours bad. So with that, I’ll tell you this week is going to be short. Next week, expect a bevy of releases.

Pretty Much Amazing:

Artist: R. Kelly
Album: Untitled
What the hell is it? Long live the king of babymaking music! After the leak and shelving of 12 Play 4^th Quarter Kells returns with a new disc.
Sounds like a combination of: SEX
For Example: Number One
Recommended? I love Kells. I love (almost) everything he puts out. I could give two fucks about his legal woes, he’s wonderful. Plus this record has the monster jam, “Pregnant,” which not only features R. Kelly, but Tyrese, Robin Thicke, and The-Dream. Oh, and did I mention he yodels on the record too?
Release Date: Dec. 1

Artist: Jawbox
Album: For Your Own Special Sweetheart (Reissue)
What the hell is it? DC legends finally reissue their out-of-print masterpiece. This record should have been a disaster. Mostly because when small bands go to major labels they compromise their sound, but oddly enough Jawbox got better. This is one of the best records from the 90s, I swear.
Sounds like a combination of: Where were you in ’94? Jawbox are DC Hardcore legends.
For Example: Savory
Recommended? This record is an absolute classic. If you didn’t have it before, get it now.
Release Date: Nov. 24

Artist: United State of Electronic (U.S.E.)
Album: Loveworld
What the hell is it? Seattle’s finest party band follow up their much-slept-on debut with another record full of fun. DON’T SLEEP ON THIS PLEASE!
Sounds like a combination of: Daft Punk, Pixie Sticks, Andrew W. K., Sparks (the beverage)
For Example: K.I.S.S.I.N.G.
Recommended? Do you like to party? ’Cause I sure as fuck do.
Release Date: Oct. 20

It’s Good, Just Trust Me:

Artist: Tom Waits
Album: Glitter and Doom Live
What the hell is it? C’mon, ya’ll know Tom Waits, right? This is just live.
Sounds like a combination of: See above
For Example: Goin’ Out West (Live)
Recommended? I’m not too big on live records, but this is probably as close as I’ll ever get to seeing Tom Waits live, so I’ll recommend it.
Release Date: Nov. 23

reach for the gun in your bedside table:

Artist: Adam Lambert
Album: For Your Entertainment
What the hell is it? American Idol runner-up and gay superstar’s debut album named (hopefully) after a chain music store.
Sounds like a combination of: The Darkness, Queen, Muse, 1000 glitter-fairies in a blender screaming
For Example: For Your Entertainment
Recommended? Seriously, there isn’t enough Max Martin/Dr. Luke that could make this not suck. I mean, it got all Muse on me (who I hate), and then it got all Darkness (who have a couple good songs) and then it just flat-out sucked. I know he’s a gay icon or whatever, but there are better things you and your other significant other can play while getting your rocks off—look above for the U.S.E.
Release Date: Nov. 25

Artist: The Bravery
Album: Stir the Blood
What the hell is it? Wait, you mean to tell me this band didn’t break up? This is their third record? Shit, what have I done with my life?
Sounds like a combination of: The Killers! Louis XIV! Alterna-rock for frat bros trying to transcend their DMB taste to more “indie” stuff, even though their scenester friends would scoff at them for liking this band…
For Example: Slow Poison
Recommended? Shit, I had to listen to it. I mean, it’s terrible. Flat-out.
Release Date: Dec. 1

BANG THIS IN YOUR DISCO!

Artist: Girls Can’t Catch
Song: “Keep Your Head Up”
What the hell is it? Goddamn, girl pop has got me again. I may be the only person I know who watches both The Hills and The City, and this sweet track, which has been making the rounds for quite some time, was played in a City episode. It was surprising to hear them on the show, but we are all living in a post Popjustice world. Check out the video below, because who wouldn’t want to play croquet in a dump?

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