The Adventures of the Boi Wonder: Damn Binder
Photo: Judy Ng
“You just hit me where I live
I guess it looked quite primitive
What was that supposed to prove?
Throw the calf or he’ll throw you”
–”Twist My Arm” by the Tragically Hip
In all honesty, I was planning to write about something completely different today. What changed is that trying on my new binder I almost got trapped and feel like I almost dislocated my shoulders trying to get out of it. You know how you try to put on an old sweater to see if it still fits, but it gets stuck over your shoulders and your arms are immobile over your head in the sleeves? It was like that except 10 times worse. Seriously, I actually called my mom down to help me get out of it (which would have been an EXTREMELY awkward situation), but got out of it before she came down… All thanks to the basement stair banister giving me the leverage to finally yank it off completely. Oh god, my shoulders are still stiff and achy from that.
For all of you who may not know what a “binder” or “binding” it is, here is a definition from Hudson’s FtM Resource Guide (http://www.ftmguide.org/binding.html):
“The term “binding” refers to the process of flattening one’s breast tissue in order to create a male-appearing chest. The type of materials and methods used for successful binding will vary depending on the size of a guy’s chest and the overall build of his body. Some guys don’t bind at all. Some slump or hunch over to hide their chests (which can be very effective, but can also cause posture problems over time). Some use different methods of layering clothing to help hide their chests. Some bind only on certain occasions; some bind all the time.
[I will also add that not just transguys do this, some cis-gender men do it as well because for appearance reasons or because of a condition called gynecomastia which causes enlarged breast tissue in some bio-guys.]
Binders come in all shapes and sizes from special vests to really tight sports bras to specialized tank-tops to homemade DIY designs. I happened to get stuck in a specialized tank-type binder (damn broad shoulders).
Pretty much all of the transguys I have come across (both in person and online) will tell you this: Binding REALLY sucks. If it were up to me, I would have had chest surgery yesterday (or better yet, not have grown breasts at all). Unfortunately, surgery is quite expensive (especially if you are a non-working college student) and there tend to be all sorts of hoops you have to jump through to get it (letters from therapists, doctors, etc. stating you have Gender Identity Disorder). It is very, very frustrating and I fully expect that I’ll have to wait a few years before I will be able to have surgery.
So, until then, I’m stuck binding my chest. I know I don’t HAVE to and I only really do it when I’m going out, but it is still really annoying and depressing to deal with. Why do I do it? Well, it is hard to see someone as a dude when they clearly have boobs (I’m just saying. It messes with most people’s general perceptions of male and female attributes). And it is a confidence issue for me; it is difficult for me to go out, introduce myself to people, maybe talk to some cute queer guy (or girl) that I might have an interest in, or maybe get close to someone when I am truly not feeling good about my body and part of that discomfort is there whenever I look slightly downwards. At least with a binder it is “outta site, kind of outta mind… Somewhat.
Looks like I’m just going to have to exchange this binder yet again (this was Round 2) for another size. Maybe I should try another style instead that is less likely to kill me. I am quite discouraged, and I have a feeling that that really isn’t going to change as long as I have to deal with this problem. And I really think I should go take some Advil or something for my shoulders.
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Levi -
Binders can be uncomfortable, but over time you’ll find that the mental comfort you get from it outweighs the physical discomfort, which you grow accustomed to anyway.
Something to keep in mind is that binders are like shoes, you’ve gotta break ‘em in! Don’t get a binder that’s so big it doesn’t flatten you fully. It shouldn’t fit like a shirt. Your compression vest will stretch out each time you wear it and it’ll get easier and easier to put it on.
Your next discovery will be that you have to readjust your boobs throughout the day otherwise the binder pushes them together so much that you look like you have a “uniboob.”
Here’s an only slightly related question… Do trans-folk identify with the concept of Gender Identity Disorder? Or is offensive to you to be considered to have a “condition” when your self-identified gender doesn’t match your body?
Gays and lesbians have been struggling with being considered mentally ill, and only with the DSM III R did we finally get declared healthy by the mental health profession. If someone were to call me ill for having same-sex attraction, I’d throw a fit.
Are trans-folk okay with the mismatch between their identities and their bodies being considered a disorder?
@ Michael
It’s kind of a mixed bag. On one hand, there are certainly people for whom the disjoint between sex and/or gender identity and the rest of their bodies is extreme enough that “GID” might be an accurate description. However, it is difficult to assess how much of that discomfort is a result of that disjoint as opposed to the general atmosphere of negative perceptions and lack of understanding about trans people. However, I don’t think most trans folks would consider themselves to have “a condition”.
On the other hand, because so many aspects of transition are still dominated by a gatekeeper mentality (you may need a psychologist to access hormones or surgery, or to change identification documents, etc), simply removing GID from the DSM could potentially cause as much harm as good. As a specific example, I believe that DSM classification is required for “treatment” to be covered under Canada’s national health care program, so removing GID would leave Canadian trans folk stranded. There is a lot more paperwork and bureaucracy involved in being trans than in being gay =P
On the topic… don’t give up on finding something that works *and* is fairly comfortable. Unfortunately, there’s a limit to how much use other people’s advice is. The tank-top compression shirts I used were awesome (I worked out and ran in them), but I’ve heard other guys complain of back pain from them. /shrug. The worst thing *I* ever tried were ace bandages – sooo much pain. O.o
Binder Survivor,
I feel as though I should put it through a taffy-puller or something before I even attempt to try to put that thing on again…It freaked me out. Would putting it through the wash help (I know not to put it in the dryer)?
Alex dealt with Michael’s question way better than I could have…So I’m not even going to try.
Alex,
I’ve heard scary stories about ace bandages, like ribs being broken and muscles bruised. I’m not going to give up, but I am very frustrated that I spent $40 on the thing and can’t even get it on.
I think i would be scared of putting it on wrong! lol!
I have been using a tank binder for almost a year and I still almost dislocate my shoulder every once in a while–or, it gets bunched up above my chest (Ds at least) and I can’t get the damn thing pulled down and even when I do, its not tight enough to hold down the things but too tight everywhere else. there’s gotta be a better way, right? i don’t think so.
i agree with bindersurvivor, the benefit of having a mostly flat chest outweighs the pain every time. if ace bandages were thicker, wider, and twice as long, I think they would work better. . .
No idea if it’s too late for this, or if you already know, but it’s much easier to put on/take off binders when you step into them and slide them down and step out of them.
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