Exactly 7 out of these 12 paragraphs could’ve been taken directly from my life, and another 2 I relate strongly to.

Of the 7, specifically:

“…provided a few months of friendship that quelled the urge to commit suicide.”

“…but I forgot it all the moment I tasted this potential acceptance by this new group of gay guys.”

I’ve come in my time to the same conclusion, that I’d lowered my standards and made exemptions for the sake of being more social and friendly. I’m finding it serves me much more to be picky about who I call a friend, and on whom I spend my time & energy.

Also I’ve seen your Gravatar before. Have you commented on youtube, on Michael Buckley or Jay Brannan?

There is no mainstream gay culture. There is mainstream culture that absorbs parts of gay culture and spits out a caricature. It’s unfortunate when gay people think that’s their culture.

Gay is a cultural identity. It isn’t simply who you are attracted to. Homosexual, bisexual are sexual orientations. Don’t try to define it. It just is.

Great job! I am so happy to see that there are others that are aware, and that there is an alternative for those of us who don’t fit in gay culture. How do I join you in extending something like this in my city?

So it isn’t that I disagree with you, and you know that. It is the kind of sour grapes feeling I always get when I read and listen to you talk about this. I am sorry if that comes across as harsh.

Moreover, I think there is nothing wrong with having a “culture” that has nothing to do with women, most of the lesbians I know are happy to not have men at their events. It just seems to be the way.

I do however reject that idea that gay “culture” is not racial integrated. Man do I see all kinds when I go out and I mean it, sometimes I feel like I live in the UN and I am happy about it. I know so many different kinds of people who are gay. I think maybe the only ones I don’t know are Arabs, now that I think about it.

I don’t think gay “culture” rejected you, I think perhaps what you see around you are gay idiots just like there are straight idiots who fall so easily into a niche and stay there. They want it easy. Just observe how people so readily want to become reality tav stars. They don’t want to do anything, just give me fame please.

You, me, and a lot of the people we know do NOT want it easy! We prefer to live thoughtful and awake lives where we make the most of our decisions and “ways”. We take this all very seriously – because you do not participate in something you do not take seriously or vice versa. This purposeful existence takes effort and so few people want to put in any effort at all.

What I am saying is that you are not (or should not be) railing against mainstream gay culture, but more against stupid people. And, in the end, don’t we all just want stupid people to go away no matter what race/creed/color/orientation?

However, and I ask this in all sincereness, because I’m not sure of the answer: can we reject mainstream gay culture without rejecting the mainstream, bourgeois gay people themselves? If culture is the product of the people espousing it, can we still feel brotherhood toward those whose culture we reject?

Personally, I don’t even think there is a “mainstream” gay culture anymore, if there ever was one. I have experiences, sexual and personal and professional, with plenty of non-male, non-twink, and/or non-white gay people, and i can’t really say that there was any one thing united them, other than having same-sex relationships.

When confronted with aspects of the mainstream gay culture that I don’t agree with, I find the best philosophy is to just take those aspects and reject them. And when looking to make friends I try to seek out people who do the same thing.