Welcome back to TNG’s weekly motherly advice column, The Mother Lode! We took a little time off to enjoy the holidays but we are back and ready for all your questions. Now talking politics with your family can be hard no matter who you are or the issue at hand, but sometimes things get even dicier when discussing LGBT issues. This week, Zack’s mom, Gaga, counsels a reader who’s trying to bridge the gap between politics and family.

Q: Dear Mom,

I recently emailed several members of my family including my parents and siblings the following message:

So, here’s the skinny.

DC is trying to pass a marriage equality bill, one that would allow me to marry the person I love and plan on spending the rest of my life with. Catholic Charities currently receives millions of dollars of city money each year to provide homeless shelters, health care and other services. This organization would be required to extend health benefits to same-sex partners of their employees under the bill as it is currently written, as any employer that receives funding from DC would be required to recognize same-sex unions. The Archdiocese says that this is a non-starter, and is threatening to stop providing services to DC’s most needy families if this bill passes.

Discuss.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/11/12/AR2009111210561.html

I hate to admit, but I didn’t receive a single reply from anyone in my immediate family. Am I attempting to mix family and politics, normally a no-no? Or am I validly asking for support from my loved ones?

Thanks.

-M

A: Dear M,

Bear with my musings before I respond to your question as today is Thanksgiving, not to mention the very first Thanksgiving in 25 years I’m not hostessing for at least 15 people. I will soon be headed out to the suburbs for dinner with my in-laws and extended family from Boston. Guest, no chef – right there a blessing.

And you are certainly blessed to be able to spend the holiday with your loved one, the one you hope to marry, and spend the rest of your life with.

Such a frothy mix around the passage of the marriage-equality bill: gender, politics, religion. It doesn’t get more controversial than that. And I must add, as a former Chicago Catholic Charities social worker, that the Church’s threat to terminate services to DC’s most needy families if this bill passes outrages me.

Now.. I think your e-mail was a worthy attempt at reaching out to your family about issues that are central to your life and future. Without knowing their religious affiliation or feelings about your being gay, I am now only speculating. Are they committed Catholics? Are they accepting of your being gay? Are they people who shy away from controversy? I’m wondering whether any the answers to any of these questions explain their reluctance to respond to your e-mail.

I’m also wondering if in fact they weren’t sure what response or kind of engagement you wanted from them based on your direction, “Discuss.” It might be be worth your while to make another stab at communicating with
them, but this time indicate that the pending bill is of great import to you and you would appreciate hearing from them, their thoughts and feelings.

Hope this helps and gives you some food for thought.

Love,
Mom

Got a problem? Well, there’s nothing a little maternal advice can’t solve. Just send your queries to submit@thenewgay.net! Rocky’s mom, Daisy, will be here next week to help. Until then!

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