Welcome to TNG’s weekly motherly advice column, The Mother Lode. This week, Zack’s mom, Gaga, helps a reader who won’t be home for Christmas this year.

Q: Dear Mom,

For those of us spending the holidays alone this year, what’s your advice for combating those pesky “holiday blues”?

Thanks!

-G

A: Dear G,

While reflecting on your question, Gaga came across an interesting quote by the theologian Paul Tillich: “Language has created the word ‘loneliness’ to express the pain of being alone, and the word ‘solitude’ to express the glory of being alone.” Some of my most pleasurable experiences have been spent alone at home eating lamb chops, watching reruns of “Golden Girls.” Some of my times of greatest isolation have been at large gatherings where I feel no connection to anyone.

That said, the holidays are a special case, an accentuated time of expectation and stirred feelings. We all cling somewhere deep within to an idealized vision of a period of personal paradise where the stuff of holiday stories and songs manifest themselves in our lives. Dreamers, dream on!

For many of us the holidays will be a mix of stress and depletion, delight and amusement. For some, however, the holidays offer little joy and much sorrow. How to reckon with these burdensome feelings is a challenge and depends on how unhappy you feel and how you usually deal with difficulties.

Renting a humorous movie about a “typical American family”" like Gene Shepherd’s hilarious A Christmas Story or reading a David Sedaris essay about one of his family’s gatherings may lift your spirits. Check around to see if any of your friends or acquaintances are looking for something to do and plan a gathering. Perhaps some extra self-care (a massage) or personal treat (buy yourself something you’ve coveted for awhile). VOLUNTEER! Find a church or community group who is looking for helpers during the holidays or even Christmas Day. Neuroscience confirms what I’ve experienced time and time again – nothing raises those endorphins like doing good for others. Stay physically active.

If you really feeling yourself sinking low, talk to a trusted friend or family member. Or consider even a short-term relationship with a counselor/therapist. And remember: a new year is on its way with its promise of hope and renewal.

Love,
Mom

Got a problem? Well, there’s nothing a little maternal advice can’t solve. Just send your queries to submit@thenewgay.net! Rocky’s mom, Daisy, will be here next week to help. Until then!

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