Not Your Average Prom Queen: Why Do All the Hotties Marry Losers (on TV)?
Almost everything on television bugs me a little, from implausible storylines to incredulous relationships. Why do I keep watching? Because, like everyone else, I enjoy an occasional escape from reality that can only be provided in fiction. I don’t like reality television, and I don’t read fictional novels – I get different fixes from the TV than I do from books.
The one thing that has been really killing me about TV shows in the last few years is the seemingly grand-slam of sitcom tropes: The dopey/fat guy and hot wife combination.
I know its going to be a long time before I see an equal portion of network TV shows that include realistic gay characters (echoed by the recent sad happenings in Maine) but how about just realistic straight relationships? As a feminist it drives me crazy to see the way many women are portrayed on TV. We are often momentary man-candy, shrill, bitchy supervisors, of simply married to some oafish guy.
While there are many examples out there, there are a few that come immediately to my mind. Everybody Loves Raymond ran from 1996 to 2005 and depicted a really goofy, dorky Ray to his well-put-together and better-looking-than-him wife.
The George Lopez Show. 2002 to 2007. Come on, he wouldn’t have a chance with Constance Marie in real life.
According to Jim? I don’t really see Jim Belushi and Courtney Thorne-Smith getting together anytime soon.
My favorite example? King of Queens. Sure, Kevin James might be a funny guy, but not funny enough to bag Leah Remini. Not even once drunkenly in college – and they were supposedly bagging from 1998-2007. Clearly, as assumed by the embedded photograph, I have a little thing for Leah Remini. (Full disclosure: In my perfect world I might want to see her on a TV show married to Clea DuVall, but for this argument, I would definitely take Jeremy Sisto.)
How about Charlotte and Harry in Sex in the City, or pretty much any woman George Costanza dated in Seinfeld. Costanza was bald, fat and unemployed –but dated plenty of decent/good looking women.
Don’t get me wrong – I support some statement about marriage that includes loving a person without a specific concentration on physical appearance. I like that often these women are strong, in charge of the household and still manage to take care of their “crazy, scheming husband!” But come on, why does this still work? Do oafy guys like to imagine that they have a chance with Remini instead of Roseanne? Do hot women like to imagine that they would be adored by a husband who knows he’s damn lucky to have her?
The real way to flip the question about this tropes success is to consider if it would be successful in reverse. Could America support the rise of an army of fat dopey wife and hot husband shows? Can we expect some of those hotties from CSI Miami to appear next season next to an overweight, underemployed, somewhat dim husband? For some reason I don’t see that happening. So what gives?
This has always bothered me as well. King of Queens is definitely the most outstanding example. It didn’t bother me as much with Charlotte and Harry, perhaps because of the way their story unfolded. They were actually my favorite couple on SATC… But you’re totally right, it would never happen the other way round on TV. Another great example are commercials for household products–without fail, they feature a hot wife and an unattractive husband.
A perfect example would be those dumb ass commercials for cleaning products aimed at women (are there any aimed at men?). The dopey, ridiculously clumsy husband spills some shit while ATTEMPTING to blend something (isn’t he cute??!!?) and looks at the wife like a puppy who just had an accident on the carpet. The wife usually looks over, sighs, chuckles, and grabs her swiffer wet jet and takes care of the little man-child’s accident in a crisp, ironed button down shirt and khaki pants. Great article, Jean!
P.S. I totally did a double take of this picture of Leah. Holy hottie, Batman.
Counter example: Do a show on John Edwards and his wife.
And who says ugly guys don’t get beautiful women in real life. e.g. David Spade.
A majority of shows are targeted to straight, white men. I would also add the the majority of people are dopey, out-of-shape, and imperfect in a number of other ways. So by seeing someone “like me” get a “hottie”, it is more inspiring and makes me want to relate with the character and continue to watch the show.
The majority of people are dopey, out-of-shape, and imperfect in a number of other ways. So by seeing an average “joe schmoe” get a “hottie”, it is more inspiring and makes me want to relate with the character and continue to watch the show.
One of my friends and I used to watch the one about the Irish guy and his wife on occasion. We never really bothered to learn the name, we just called it “Fat Guy Skinny Wife.”
I like the couple on Medium. Patricia Arquette is gorgeous, of course, but I’d argue her husband on the show is even more attractive. But best of all, he’s super supportive and an awesome husband/father. He’s one of the few fathers and husbands on TV who isn’t portrayed as totally bumbling or lazy.
Great essay! I definitely agree with your points. But I tend to think the reason TV programmers keep shoveling this implausible sh*t is simpler and even more shallow: “Everybody Loves Raymond” was a monster hit for years, so everyone tries to copy it. And tries, and tries. Apparently “King of Queens” was also successful, to an extent, which cemented the formula.
Ah, television, so innovative, so much risk-taking.
It goes back way further than Everybody Loves Raymond though. You can even find examples from black and white television such as The Honeymooners from the mid 1950’s, whose Ralph an Alice archetypes that you outline here were then mirrored later on in The Flintstones, and King of Queens, the most obvious of contemporary examples, is thought to be working with the Kramden formula. I think it’s disgusting too and very anti-feminist and is also shown through the big screen with any movie starring Vince Vaughn. It’s just so tired.
What I think is interesting too is how often when the roles are reveresed and the male is disproporionately more attractive/fitter/younger than the wife, allegations are made questioning the male’s masculinity and usually following it his heterosexuality. But that I see more in celebrity journalism than fictional media. It’s all part of a greater system of patriarchy I feel like.
Watch Friday Night Lights! The husband and wife duo is one of the most amazing relationships portrayed on TV. They are both respectful of each other, they have realistic kinds of fights, share a mutual admiration, and are still both sexy and hot for one another.
The show is very impressive in general, but this relationship is probably the acting highlight. Played by Connie Briton and Kyle Chandler.
i real life most real women look to the inside of a man and ofcorse men look to the outside of women. i see lots of good looking women with fat guys or guys that are aveage.
You think it’s all about the apperance. What you see in Medium is a one of thousand exepction from reality. There isn’t that many people fitting together that good like the couple in Medium, and I believe that television wants to show you that a attractive man/woman can be together with a less attractive man, despite his or hers flaws. I do really feel bad for you if you think that a “fat unemployed bald middleaged man” can’t get a “super hot” woman.
It’s clearly that you like escpaing reality, to this perfect world where you and all the other “perfect” brats can be together, and that all the persons with faults isn’t existing. But that, is not going to happen. Fat, bald, skinny, stupid, smart, average, unavarage, all humans are equal, so stop thinking anything else and wake up from your little princess dream. You demand something greater then what is possible from our specie.
Just enjoy the show and get a life, all of you!
@Mike: here is why I hate, absolutely HATE comments such as yours. You imply that by analyzing a show, by taking it apart, pondering its pieces and critiquing it, that someone is not enjoying the show. But perhaps she is enjoying the show, just on a different, more multifaceted level. The problem with “just enjoy the show” is the implication that the only way to enjoy a tv show or a film is to mindlessly, passively take it in. Maybe that is what the advertisers want you to do, but I do not want to do it. I want to use my mind to analyze and critique the shows I see, to see where I agree and where I disagree, what disturbs me and why (and whether being disturbed in a particular case is good or bad), and to see what might provoke me or comfort me, and why. I prefer to see people thinking. Also, I find that “just enjoy the show” is code for “I don’t like what you are saying about my show, so shut up.” Well, this is a blog, with comment capabilities. If we all just shut up and “enjoyed the show”, this wouldn’t get very far, would it? So rather than celebrate a mindless approach to entertainment, I’d rather see discursive thinking and critique, even critiques I disagree with. That is a better way to enjoy a show, or even to take apart a show that is actually quite terrible, as the case may be.
TV shows like this tell men that they don’t need to be attractive to succeed in life, and that they all deserve hot wives. Who knows what the impact of such subconscious messages are? Maybe they’re responsible for the high divorce rate. This entire site is based upon the idea of questioning norms and givens, and as such, the suggestion that we just sit back and relax is completely misplaced. Save such comments for Gawker or Perez.
I saw on a PBS show a few years back that women in the Middle East are blaming spiraling divorce rate on cable television – their husbands, inundated with images of really attractive women, get the idea they can do better, and dump their wives. Back in the early days of the internet, some feminists predicted that widely available porn would lead to an increase in sexual violence. Apparently this has not been the case. Instead, the viewing of extremely attractive people online has led to a decrease in even noticing the average people on the streets around us. My point is that “averages joes snagging total babes” is a fantasy, and a fantasy only, but one that is reinforced not only by television and the internet, but also by the fact that as a society, having viewed so many attractive people on tv and online, we don’t even notice – literally look past and do not see – the average folks around us. And in seeing and noticing only super attractive people, they become the only ones we can imagine being with.
Everyone want to look at attractive women. Who the hell would watch King of Queens if Leah Remini would be ugly. Sex sells… So the real thing is here not a “hottie married a loser” but a “wife were made prettier for TV”. Doesnt bother me. Have you watched “Last Action Hero”? Issue discussed there. In TV everyone is perfect. :D
Maybe this is a little late, but I just came across this, to all of you who think that Leah Remini would be out of Kevin James league in real life, maybe you should take a look at Kevin James wife in real life who is Steffiana De La Cruz…She is gorgeous.
@Kyle: here is why I hate, absolutely HATE comments such as yours. While you sit and over analyze the world, it passes you by. Why over concern yourself with something that is meant to be simple and enjoyable when you could be enjoying the little things life has to offer. I agree with Mike; shut up and enjoy the show for christ sakes. And maybe open the blinders a little because if you haven’t already noticed, the world is full of fat, bald “losers” dating or married to really hot women. Next time you see a Porsche drive by, take a look at its passengers, its most likely a hot chick (yes, chick) with a fugly dude! HA!
If you like the show, watch it. If not, don’t watch it. That’s all there is to it.
I do not have time to watch every show on TV, but I WILL make time to watch the things I like to watch.
Then having watched it, I’m not going to sit around whining about it. It isn’t as if I was forced or tricked into watching it: It was my choice.
You’ve made your bed, now sleep in it.
Haha, I’m one ugly mother and my wife is hot, so get it up you. There are plenty of examples of lower standards all over the place. Look at the amount of good looking women who are with us ugly men, Christina Aguelera, Holly Willoughby and many more. Just because you have the looks doesn’t mean you can push all the buttons, if you know what I mean. PS were you saying that when Leah got extremely fat?
This message is to Jean, get a life. And by the way, when you say “we are often momentary man-candy” its only the attractive ones; not the 250lbs bored and lonely cow who sit in front of the computer screen with a tub of ice cream disgruntled at the world because the only man/woman you can probably land is one who looks like you. I hate feminists.
P.S.
Instead writing pointless blogs, hit a treadmill.
This message is to Mike Jones, get a preposition.
@Mike Jones: Instead of looking like a prick, learn that the world at large doesn’t really give a flying frak about your opinion of feminists, and as such you do not need to share that opinion just anywhere you find a comment-box.
Good call, Mike Jones. We should all hit the treadmill more often. Except Jean. She runs marathons and stuff.
Mike Jones:
Way to cowardly use a fake name for your comment- really shows integrity. But if you have the misfortune of Mike Jones being your actual name, I’m sorry for you having such generic, typical name. I also pity you that you spend your time (when not lifting) to peruse the sites and blogs that you dislike so much. You might want to use those endorphins from the gym in a more postive way. Also, while your mention of weight and appearance came up so many times, I can assure you that the author of this article can surely outrun you and personally as a straight women (who like is totally into feminism) I would make fun of you at a bar with a group of my friend (which I’m sure happens to you more than you think).
@MikeJones: Feminists all over the world hate YOU. So suck it.
And why are you even reading these “pointless blogs” then taking the time to insult somebody you don’t know if you hate hearing other people’s opinions? And why do you think that “250lb bored lonely cows” are the only people in the world who have opinions?? I need some answers here.
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