Photo: John Baird

We all know (or at least we all should know) that today is the Transgender Day of Remembrance, a day where we honor those trans and genderqueer people who have suffered and died due to hatred and violence, and, hopefully, take the time to read their stories and figure out what we can do to prevent these sorts of tragedies from occurring in the future.

But want to talk about another type of violence caused by transphobia: self-violence.

It is easy to feel hopeless, unwanted, and despised when the world around you refuses to accept you and your true identity, or refuses to validate you as a human being.  It hurts even more when this comes from those closest to you, like your family, partner, co-workers, and friends.  Even things like going to the bathroom or telling people what you would like to be called can be extremely stressful. Knowing people think of you as “freak” and “it” and might even call you that to your face wreaks havoc on your self-esteem.  The mental and emotional scars can weigh heavily, and then add that to the pre-existing discomfort of living in a body that doesn’t exactly match up with who you really are, and struggling physically and mentally to become the person who you truly are… It can become unbearable.  And while these scars are not as apparent as the ones left by a punch in the face or a kick in the ribs, they still cause great harm and even death.

I’ll fully admit that I’ve dealt with depression and self-harm for most of my life. It is not nearly as bad as it used to be when I felt isolated and didn’t realize it was possible to transition.  Part of it was due to intense dysphoria over my body and part of it was the fear that no one would ever love or accept me.   It is well-known that the suicide rates of GLBTQ youth are way higher than those of their straight cis-gendered counterparts, but as homosexuality becomes more visible in the mainstream media in positive lights, it is easy for trans youth to feel left in the dust.

Could you do me a favor this Friday?  Could you call, text, or email the trans and genderqueer people you know and tell them how much you love and respect them?  If you see them in person, could you give them a hug? If you suspect that they are hurting and struggling, could you listen to them and give them the help they might be too afraid to seek?  Everyone needs that once and a while, but we never do it often enough.  It is really nice to feel and hear that you are accepted, appreciated, and loved for who you are. It can help someone more than you might know.