The New Gay » Thoughts on Gender

Zack's Ramblings: Thoughts on Gender

24 November 2009, 1:00 pm 11 Comments

This post was submitted by zack

NOTE: I have written this article to be as sensitive as possible to the fact that I am only a well-wisher, and not a member of the trans community. If any of my assumptions or terminology are incorrect, please let me know in a comment or email and I will make sure not to repeat such mistakes in future columns.

NOTE Pt. 2: Due to some helpful suggestions from a reader I made small corrections in the 8th and 9th paragraphs. I apologize for my mis-wordings.

trans-ally Last Friday was the Transgender Day of Remembrance, a day given to honoring people who have been victims of violence (often lethal) because they do not conform to our society’s gender norms. How many of our cisgendered (that is, not trans) readers knew this? Of the readers who did take take a moment to think about the purpose of this day, what did you do next?

I ask because I think that the castigation of “The T” from our supposedly inclusive acronym is one of the most serious problems within the queer community. Many gay people I know speak of trans people the way that straight people used to talk about gays. They will say things like “some of my best friends are trans,” or “trans people deserve full and equal protection under the law,” but if pushed they will admit that that protection is not something they want to work for. I think this is because many gay men and women are of the mindset that we would somehow be sticking up for trans rights at the expense of our own.

The most obvious and deplorable example of this was when the HRC endorsed a version of ENDA that would not include transgendered individuals. Every HRC staffer I have asked to explain this has said that they didn’t want to jeopardize passing any form of the act just to include trans people, but that excuse has never held water for me. If the country’s biggest proponent of equal rights for GLBT people won’t stand up for our community in its entirety then who will?

Can you imagine if they put their weight behind a law allowing gay men to visit their partners in the hospital, but not lesbians? If Bi people could donate blood, but not anyone else? Such a split would never be legitimized by the gay establishment, but yet somehow a popular mindset has sprung up that trans people and regular old gay people don’t have the same struggle.

The popular arguments usually boil down to the fact that “we” are fighting for same sex love, while “they” might be trying to pass as straight, alter their fundamental selves, use surgery to deflect their discomfort with their body, or anything else that doesn’t jibe with a person’s idea of being queer. I hear otherwise smart and sensitive gay people spew all kinds of bullshit the second that the issue of trans rights comes up. I want to get the following sentiment tattooed on their foreheads:

At its core, the persecution of gay people springs from the fact that much of the world operates under extremely rigid understandings of what makes a man and a woman. When those understandings are bent or broken it brings about a deep discomfort of the unknown, and the different, that is usually manifested in fear, bigotry or violence. More simply put, men sleep with women. When men sleep with men instead, or women with women, it violates that deeply ingrained sense of “the way things are.” And we suffer for that violation.

While the trans and genderqueer members of our community are most visibly propogating the idea that gender roles aren’t so set in stone, all queer people are somehow violating the traditional sense of what a given gender should and should not do. Though I believe it’s an oversimplification to say that all gay people are in a way trans, I don’t think that its a stretch to say that our fundamental plights are the same.

I want the world to understand that some men have sex with men, and some women with women. Some men are born as women assigned a female gender at birth and simply want the way they look on the outside to match the way they feel on the inside. And some people may not identify with either gender. Should all these people have to explain themselves over and over, and justify who they are and what they want simply to be included on the fringes of an already maligned population? Of course not.

I think that the gay othering of trans people is usually born out of a desire, perhaps subconscious, to not be the least “normal” people around. I think that the contemporary gay rights movement has somehow hung its sodomite, pussy-eating hat on the idea that the more respectable and normal we can be, the more we’ll somehow earn the basic privileges that we now lack. And these people might acknowledge that while it’s not “normal” for a man to suck dick, it appears much less normal for a woman to want to be a man someone to change their gender presentation. It’s like a kid trying to get her parents to ignore a curfew violation by pointing out that her brother forgot to take out the garbage.

We’re a community as diverse and multifarious as our straight counterparts, except we have to fight every day for the freedom to be ourselves. Wouldn’t this fight be just a little easier if we could all be in it together? I don’t think we’re ever going to get the kind of perfect world where we all hold hands under a tree and go to the same bars and like the same music and the sun doesn’t set until midnight. But we can at least acknowledge that everyone within our fight has the right to be there. To push any other agenda is to be just as narrow-minded as our opponents, and just as culpable for the damage caused to those under our umbrella by a prejudiced few outside of it.

11 Comments »

Charles said:

You make a very good point, Zack. I think sometimes it’s very easy to lose sight of the struggles of others in the GLBT community when it feels like every day we have to work really hard just to get basic rights for gays and lesbians. We tend to concentrate on the issues that directly affect us (like same-sex marriage or repealing Don’t Ask Don’t Tell), and forget that other people have issues that are just as pressing. Thank you for reminding us about the Trans in GLBT.

24 November 2009 at 3:58 pm

michael said:

To me the bigger problem seems to be the way we go about asking for our rights: one at a time.

Why should I fight DADT if we don’t support the military? Why should I condemn DOMA if we have no interest in getting married? Why should a trans person care about either, since heterosexual-identified trans people have the right to marry and fight in the military? And conversely, why should a gay man fight for a bill that supports trans rights when they are offered one that at least covers themselves.

What we need is sweeping federal legislation that eliminates the notion of gender for the granting of all rights, and provides special protections for those who do not conform to gender norms, be it same-sex attraction or the desire to transition to the other gender. This piecemeal approach is doing us as a community more harm than good, which is exactly what the straight (non-queer) majority wants.

If we are going to be one community, we need one fight.

24 November 2009 at 4:34 pm

Alex said:

@Michael
Both of your transgender examples are incorrect. A diagnosis of Gender Identity Disorder, or undergoing medical transition, renders one ineligible for the military.

Also, the ability of straight trans people to marry is dependent on the state in which they were born and the state in which they are marrying. Requirements for gender identification for marriage vary by state, as does the ability to modify one’s birth certificate. Additionally, there is the risk that a heterosexual marriage involving a trans person may be found invalid by the courts. I know there was a trans woman who was denied her rights as a widow (property, etc) after the death of her husband because a judge ruled that their marriage was illegal since she was “really a man” (I can’t for the life of me remember her name to search it…).

24 November 2009 at 4:51 pm

Raphael said:

Well, here’s my resolution to make the world a bit friendlier to the trans-(and other)-gendered: I’m going to ask my local “community coffeehouse” to make their restrooms gender-neutral!

It’s a small step, but should at least raise awareness…..

24 November 2009 at 7:44 pm

Kyle said:

I agree that trans folk need to be included in all sexual minority rights legislation. My only caveat with making everything ‘gender neutral’ is that it doens’t address the inherent advantage that straight males have in our culture. I believe that until women are treated equally as men, we run the risk of men using ‘gender neutral’ values to try to retain the privileges they already have. Not to mention their ability to intimidate women with unwanted sexual advances and innuendo (which could happen even more easily in, for instance, co-ed bathrooms).

25 November 2009 at 8:53 am

michael said:

@Alex: See, all the more reason for more trans visibility on this site and in the world in general. How can we support one another if we don’t even know how similar our struggles are? I don’t think the majority of queer folk will buy “because it’s the right thing to do” as an argument for why they should expand the umbrella to a group of people who are in their eyes completely different from them. We need to start making our similarities better known. But trans people will have to step up and do it, since obviously I can’t.

25 November 2009 at 10:07 am

Alex said:

“We need to start making our similarities better known. But trans people will have to step up and do it, since obviously I can’t.”

Why can’t you? Isn’t the entire point of being an ally being able to speak up for people who can’t (assuming you are not speaking over or at the expense of trans folk)? Cisgender people have access to spaces and discussions that trans people might not, have the privilege to be listened to where trans people might be dismissed or ignored.

Being an ally doesn’t mean you’re sitting around waiting for some benevolent trans person to explain things to you. At least 90% of what I know about transgender issues, I learned on the internet. There are advocacy groups, and blogs, and youtube channels. If you want to call yourself an ally, educate yourself.

Much as I appreciate the sentiment, given length of time that trans inclusion has been a topic kicked around on TNG, I find it somewhat disheartening that this article still bears a warning that Zack is only a “well-wisher”, can we please excuse his incorrect terminology?

1 December 2009 at 10:04 am

michael said:

Alex, I can’t because I obviously don’t know enough. And apparently Zack doesn’t either. At least we’re trying, but we need more trans voices to tell us their stories and share their experiences and similarities with us. No one will tirelessly advocate for another group who sits silently in the closet waiting for their rights. I’m happy to be an advocacy for trans rights and all queer rights, but I need to put a face on those I’m advocating for, and I’ve found — more often than not — that trans people who “pass” wish not to draw attention to their status. Until that changes, I doubt trans people will find themselves at the “adult table” when the queer rights tofurkey is carved and served. Just one man’s opinion.

1 December 2009 at 10:18 am

Alex said:

Michael, I’m not saying that trans people shouldn’t speak. Quite the contrary. And just because there aren’t many trans contributors to your blog doesn’t mean that there aren’t trans voices out there that are speaking and want to be heard.

I’m saying that being an ally means doing more than just paying lip service. When you talk about wanting more trans participation, and advertise your events as trans inclusive, but then can’t even take the time to educate yourself well enough to have an informed conversation about trans issues, it comes off as disingenuous. When you can’t use reasonably correct terminology, it’s a red flag to trans people that they will have to preface any real discussion with a lot of Trans 101 crap that could easily have been answered by Google.

There’s nothing wrong with not being 100% on trans stuff; it’s not like any trans people were born knowing it. There is something wrong with failing to take responsibility for your own ignorance.

1 December 2009 at 11:15 am

Eli said:

@michael: Your assertion that ‘you don’t know’ and ‘more trans people need to speak up’ is nothing more than a method of dismissing your own lack of knowledge and making it the trans person’s fault that ‘you don’t know any better’. Further more, your statment that “No one will tirelessly advocate for another group who sits silently in the closet waiting for their rights” implies that trans people aren’t out there fighting the same fight you are. Let me be clear: WE ARE…and we have been since before Stonewall. Never forget that it was drag queens and transwomen who led that fight.

Stop making assumptions and accusations about a commuinity that you admittedly have little to no knowledge of. Stop blaming the trans community for your ignorance and learn things for yourself. I am not black, but I don’t expect my black brothers and sisters to teach me about their struggles….I attempt to educate myself in any way possible because it is not a minority’s responsibility to educate the majority. The belief that a person should ‘teach you’ how to be less offensive, is an example of the privilege the majority has in our society.

Finally, I would like to address what, in my mind, was the most offense element of your last comment. By stating that you don’t think trans folks will find themselves at the “adult table” implies that the cisgender queer community are the wise adults and those in the trans community, as well as the trans community as a whole are just children. How dare you. I am not a child. We are not children. DO NOT patronize us.

Oh…and I personally know one of your contributors is trans. We are right in front of you.

2 December 2009 at 11:34 am

Kyle said:

The problem I think Michael is facing is common. Those who care about all disempowered communities support their empowerment. But if I am not personally a member of that community, and if I choose to speak for it, I’m blasted by the community for daring to do so (since I cannot possibly know “what it is really like”), and if I do not speak for it, I’m indicted for my silence. Well, which would you rather have? Someone who speaks up on your behalf, or someone who remains silent? (Please note that I am not implying that because someone is speaking on your behalf that you yourself are not speaking on your behalf. More than one can speak up.)

2 December 2009 at 12:53 pm