One day last week, my mother and I spent the afternoon shopping – as we have spent many afternoons during my unemployment. Twice during the week we frequented the same store, and each time I made eye contact with a specific female employee. The look was not so long as to constitute a stare; in fact, it was probably imperceptible to the average observer. It was simply purposeful. It was a moment of prolonged eye contact that I have come to describe as “The Look.”

Photo by: Michael Hicks

The Look: (n.) An exchange of eye contact between two women acknowledging homosexual tendencies or orientation. The Look can, but does not always, indicate sexual or romantic interest.

When I’m in a restaurant with a group of friends and I lean over and tell them that the server is gay they always respond with confusion, “She is? Do you know her? No? Then how do you know?”

The answer is simple my friends; she gave me The Look.

I have discussed this with other gay women before and have found that many know exactly what I’m taking about. This is how gay people identify themselves to other gay people. It’s a pretty awesome little secret eye-handshake, like we are a bunch of double agents. I will say that it is helpful if at least one party is sending a louder signal (short hair, HRC t-shirt, holding hands with an S.O.). In this case it is often a not “visually” gay person who is giving The Look (because they already know the receiver digs girls, she’s just letting her know that she plays for the same team.  I assume some people who have never experienced the look may think that it’s imagined, but I assure you, it’s not.

For example: You see a girl in a bar. You think she’s cute. There are no “obvious” signs that she likes girls. You pass each other on the way to the bathroom – you exchange The Look. A glance just a little too long to be in error. In this situation, if you are feeling like you look hot and might have a chance with her, buy her a drink. Its not the same as buying a random girl a drink and hoping she dates chicks – once The Look has been exchanged your chance of an accidental Straight-Girl-Hit-On is very slim.

The Look is real, people, and its one of the most important tools of the dating scene. Not everyone wants to meet a gal at Pride, or at a Gay bar – and your work-friend’s one lesbian friend is most likely not cute, so learning to spot and give the look could be the path to meeting your next GF in the grocery store, restaurant or party.

Leave your rainbow belt at home; just remember to bring The Look.