Again, people should be free to do what they want in their sex lives so long as it is non-exploitative. I do think, however, that a lot of kink can be explored without having to submit to an in equitable power structure.

BDSM is definitely one of those subjects that lends itself well to discussion and opposing viewpoints. It IS a strange world unto itself and is certainly complex; all experiences are completely different.

Kyle–I hate it that you had some not-so-great experiences with BDSM. Unfortunately, I’ve heard quite a few people with similar sentiments about it and I completely understand why you feel that way. I hope that someone comes along that you’ll consider giving it another go. You are 1000% right about the importance of trust, the conduct of the Dom, and (yes) how dangerous BDSM can be (physically, psychologically, emotionally) if that dynamic is abused. What you wrote will remind people to be extra cautious of who they play with. I think that, with this article, I under-emphasized the MASSIVE importance of the Dom’s conduct and temperment and how that should always be taken into perspective. Is that person a genuinely good person? Or are they kind of a dick? How well do you actually know this person and how long have you known them for? And so on. If I ever forget to emphasize an important part of things, Do Not Hesitate To Call Me Out On It. Sometimes the things that are always stuck in the back of your mind fail to surface when they should, you know what I mean? Kyle, again, thank you for your comment and adding to this subject. You may have single-handedly stopped someone from being overly gung-ho with a potential partner and jeopardizing their safety. Thank You.

Michael–I’m glad that you appreciate f-d! LOL It’s one of my favorite terms and it’s very applicable for a lot of what I discuss. This entry won’t be the last time it’s used, that’s for sure…..

Alex–MANY of my subs are brand-new to the game and, yes, this article was directed mainly at newbies. The fact is plenty of people are scared of BDSM and for good reason. The point of the writing was to attempt to ease people who are new and curious about BDSM to try it out with someone completely trust-worthy because it can lead to fantastic, life-enriching experiences (and a whole new approach to your love life)…..when it’s done properly of course. Yes, from what I understand, there seems to be a disparity of numbers between newbie subs and newbie Dom(me)s. It seems that most people who become Dom(me)s did start off as subs except, strangely, me which is something that I’ll write about in Yes, Master entry 3. How I become a Dom is kind of a weird story….. And, actually, I think that most new Dom(me)s are more cautious when it comes to discussing their new interests than the ones with more experience. It takes time and comfort to get to the point of being able to clearly communicate what exactly the Dom(me) is expecting of the slave but every Dom(me)’s evolution is completely unique.

Adam–I adore you like always:)

Is there a large disparity of numbers between newbie subs and newbie dom[me]s? Are people more likely to enter BDSM as subs (and become dom[me]s later)? Do new dom[me]s suffer less trepidation negotiating their new sex interests?

The apologists for the BDSM community are always saying how “safe” and “sane” it is, but experience has taught me otherwise. Don’t let anyone ever demean your personhood. NEVER EVER!