Welcome to TNG’s weekly motherly advice column, The Mother Lode! This week, Rocky’s (psych major) mom, Daisy, counsels a reader who needs a little kick in the pants and some help in the “He’s Just Not That Into You” department.

Q: Dear Mom,

So I met this this really cute, nice, funny guy a few weeks ago. We’ve hung out once or twice since then, and, lo and behold, there seemed to actually be some chemistry there. So much so, that I’ve pursued it a bit more aggressively than I would normally (which is to say I’ve pursued it at all). But he has this nasty habit of falling off the planet for long stretches of time, and I’m guessing that means he’s not too terribly into me.

I was the last one to reach out and it’s been about a week of radio silence now, and I’m at the point where I know I should probably just cut my losses and move on. But I can’t help holding on to this tiny kernel of hope that it’ll all work out. Am I being impatient, or just stupid? I know it’s probably the latter, but it’s difficult because as Madonna once said “this doesn’t happen to me everyday,” you know?

Help!

-P

A: Dear P,

Do you know what happens when you are romantically attracted to someone new? The response is one of the most powerful reactions nature can create. The cascade of love chemicals and hormones instantly whipped up by your brain and commandeered by your body fire emotional drives that can render you virtually intoxicated and involuntarily stupid as thinking and judgment fall away. With fifty percent of your brain’s operations devoted to visual processing, cuteness will be especially compelling.

If love is reciprocated, your brain, and that of your partner’s, settle into an overarching pattern of excitement and contented bliss as you get to know each other and monitor the progress you make toward the creation of your “relationship.” But if your advances are rejected, your brain is, more often than not, left with a stock of unbalanced chemical concoctions misdirecting you toward anxiety, obsession, delusion, and the like.

Time to back up from all that, and let your prefrontal cortex catch up. You suffer because of this fact: you cannot control emotional or neurochemical reactions in the cranium of another person. If the object of your affection is not as romantically turned on as you are, there’s nothing you can do about it. If he didn’t experience a reasonable facsimile of that same breathtaking moment that you did pretty quick (i.e. falling over himself to get to you), the best you probably should be hoping for at this point is an interesting friendship. Any friendship potential here?

I know. I’m sorry.

So I guess, technically, you are being impatient and stupid, but it isn’t your fault. You just couldn’t help it. (Nobody could.)

Love,
Mom

Got a problem? Well, there’s nothing a little maternal advice can’t solve. Just send your queries to submit@thenewgay.net! Zack mom, Gaga, will be here next week to help. Until then!

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