I think your intent is the relevant quality here, not other people’s perception. Plenty of people have accused butch/femme couples and trans folk of “promoting the norms”, but I think most queer people realise that position is crap. You are obviously conscious of what your doing, and I think that awareness is the key difference between doing something that feels right to you because it is right for you (or might be right for you), and doing something because it seems to be the culturally defined path of least resistance. =)