As noted by Levi last week, his column, The Adventures of the Boi Wonder will now be bi-weekly. In its stead this week, this post was submitted by MC.

Last night, while (ironically) baking cupcakes, my girlfriend and I had a conversation about body image that I’ve been thinking about in great depth today.

Admittedly, sexual attraction is an important component to any relationship. We choose partners (on a relatively shallow level) because we find their bodies appealing, and at some point, 99.999% of us will see our partner(s) naked.

As a self-identified bisexual, I’ve had experiences seeing naked bodies across the gender spectrum, and I’ve never really had any body image issues arise when I’m with a male-bodied partner. I have a smaller waist than he does—that’s the way female-bodied people are supposed to stand in comparison to male-bodied people, right? He has defined muscles in his arms, whereas I currently have wimpy muscles incapable of doing a chin-up. I have wider hips, but I’m supposed to; that’s my body’s role in the male-female dichotomy. I’ve been generally okay with the way I look compared to the men I’ve seen.

With same-sex/same-gender partners, it gets a little tricky. My arms and back are more muscular (thank you, high school athletic teams) than my girlfriend’s arms and back. “Top-wise,” I’m more “masculine” in terms of societal expectations—and you know what? I’m okay with that. Call me heteronormative, but I feel comfortable sexually with the contrast between our upper bodies.

Comparing the two of us “bottom-wise,” however, caused me a bit of emotional distress. I’ve always thought myself slightly disproportionate, as the pads of fat through my hips and thighs just don’t seem to mesh with the defined upper body that was my pride and joy during high school volleyball matches. I am (of course) attracted to my girlfriend’s body, to her slender hips and legs, but I have on occasion caught myself being more jealous of her build than I’d care to admit.

Last night she and I were talking about a mutual acquaintance who seems to have developed a much more self-deprecating view of her body since she’s been dating her current (female-bodied) partner. Thinking about the issue more on my own, I recalled the tingling of victory I felt when I saw my first female-bodied partner naked and realized that my body was thinner, more appealing than hers.

We’re supposed to build our partners up and cherish them, but I realize more and more how difficult that challenge really is when the mainstream media constantly bombards us with images of “ideal” body types. I’ve identified as genderqueer for a couple of years now, and maybe I’m just delving deeper into embracing that identity, but I find myself working to develop the male/masculine components of my body so that I will feel more comfortable comparing myself to what I see in my girlfriend. Everyone reaches the point of “being comfortable in one’s own skin” differently. I just worry that I’m promoting the norms of hetero culture by approaching my own body confidence through my “masculinizing” efforts.

Opinions?

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