This post was submitted by Zack Rosen

Waking up bleary-eyed one Sunday morning, after a night where I had experienced twice as many bourbon shots as hours of sleep, I searched my floor for my keys so that I could go walk my dog. Feeling a bit like a sexual archeologist as I dug among the detritus of my ruined bedroom, I came across something as surprising as a gameboy in an ancient Egyptian sarcophagus.

Had I entertained a woman last night? I hadn’t rogered a human of the female persuasion since I was 20, but the garment on my floor suggested I just may have broken the streak. It was a soft undershirt, maroon in color, with a nondescript tag reading “medium.” It was broad, like it was fit a man’s torso. There weren’t any built-in bras. But yet.. the neckline. It was plunging. It was v-shaped. It took up nearly the entire shirt.

Goddamnit, I had been inadvertently punked by the Deep V, another American Apparel-bred creation that was seemingly designed to make everyday people look like idiots. I’ve long been fascinated by that store’s role as a kind indie-fag Universal Gear, tricking a certain breed of gay men into thinking that they will be desired if they wear a certain kind of clothing, whether or not it works with their age, body type or personality.

Luckily, the man who left this particular shirt at my house looked good in it. That’s why it ended up there in the first place.) He had broad shoulders and chest hair. Most people that wear these shirts do not. Walking into some bars is like looking at the night sky, but instead of twinkling stars there are bare, shaven torsos, highlighted by a cotton “V” which begins somewhere by their wearer’s shoulders and ends inches above their belt buckle. I short, they don’t look good.

Clavicles are extremely sexy. That’s why regular V-necks are so appealing. But what lies below should be left to the imagination. It’s like cutting the ass out of someone’s shorts because their legs look nice. Like making a jump between “hey, it’s sexy that that dude has his underwear’s waistband sticking out” to “I’ll just wear a polo and briefs out to walk my dog.”

I don’t care about the feminine elements of it. I generally like it when men drop some of the macho posturing that defines brands like Abercrombie and actually dare to not to be jockish. I just think about 99% of guys don’t look right in them.

And this leads me to my biggest fascination: In what ways does “indie culture” just serve to create its own mainstream? I’m guessing a lot of people wear shirts like this to distinguish themselves from the Hollister brigade. But just as I’m aware that guys like me (old t-shirt, tight jeans, sneakers) are a dime a million here in DC, do they know that they are not only fitting into a different majority, but looking kinda silly while they do it?

Discuss.

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