Original illustration by TNG's own Cathryn.

Being gay can be a constant struggle between just trying to live a normal life and not butting heads with all the idiots of the world who try and stop you from doing so. Though many of us are lucky enough to never have been the victims of homophobic violence, everyone has probably been insulted by another’s words. With that in mind, this week’s staff survey question is as follows:

What is the most offensive thing that any one has ever said to you about your being gay?

Feel free to leave your own answers or suggestions for future questions in the comments.

1. Zack, Co-founder and primary contributor:

I’ve mentioned before how it is usually the people closest to you that can say the most hurtful things. That said, I was really surprised at what happened when my boyfriend and I were walking hand in hand in Chicago last summer. We were leaving my parents house and walking down Halstead street. Granted, we were about a mile North of boystown, but I still did not expect a passing SUV to shout “Gayrods!” at us. I guess I’ve been spoiled by the relative liberalism of DC, but the overt nature of the statement, and complete lack of subtlety made me remember that there still alot of people otu there that just aren’t OK with us. It’s a lesson I should try and remember more often.

2. Matt, Staff Contributor:

I’ve got a pretty tough skin as well. And I really don’t care what strangers say. After all, what do they know of me. The really hurtful things have always come from “friends.” I was a junior in college when I came out, and my best friend (we’d been inseperable since middle school) was my roommate. He grew up in the Southern Baptist church and did not take it well when I came out to him. Over the next few weeks he was very aggressive and negative toward me, and many bad things were said. But what I found most offensive was when he said that I had a mental disorder – that all gays do. He believes that removing homosexuality from the DSM was not done by psychologists, but by the “gay lobby.” I’m not sure why I found it so offensive at the time, but I didn’t speak to him for two years after that. Ironically, his sister is a lesbian. The whole family treats her the same way.

3. Rocky, Music Editor:

When I first moved to DC, I worked for Olsson’s Books and Records and one very late night, after closing the store, I was walking home down P st. And there I am minding my own business, passing the Whole Foods when this car full of suburban teenagers come whizzing by, all hanging from the windows and singing a rousing chorus of “Ice Ice Faggot.” Yes, that’s exactly what you think it is: a gay slur set to Vanilla Ice. In 2006. Needless to say I was extremely offended for about half a block until I doubled over in laughter.
  

4. Chris, Theatre Editor:

6. Mike B., Staff Contributor:

In those rare times when somebody drops an anti-gay slur around me I’m momentarily offended, but since feeling wronged is so satisfying, I usually treasure the experience for the rest of the day. It’s not so fun, though, when insults cross the line into threats. One Saturday night close to one a.m., I was walking home from the Columbia Heights Metro in my Saturday night outfit and saw four huge teens walking toward me. I didn’t think anything of it till one of them looked right at me and said, “Hello, faggot.” The rest laughed. One said “Tch!” in disgust, as if to say what is the world coming to. I looked straight ahead and panicked as they they passed, trying to sense if they were coming up behind me and prepared for a fight. Thankfully they just kept walking, as did I, all the more grateful for the bubble I live in and almost take for granted.

7. Ed, Staff Contributor: 

I  think many LGBTQ people are too quick to take offense. I don’t let the opinions of random strangers, bigots, and the irrational fringe “offend” me–that includes family. My sexual orientation is something I cannot and would not change. So, I am not going to give someone else the power to make me feel bad about who I am. If some bully calls me a “faggot” or whatever, I usually mock them for being so unoriginal and challenge them to be more creative. I have been known to even give a few helpful hints. If my safety is in question, I’ll just walk away. Otherwise, who cares what they think?

8. Jean, Staff Contributor: 

Its not directly offensive in itself, but about the liberties people take:

Friend of friend I barely know, in a bar, upon finding out I had a
girlfriend: “So… do you guys use a strap-on?

9. Cathryn, Staff Illustrator: 

I haven’t been subject to anti-gay behavior of the random stranger variety. I did get the ‘you’re going to hell’ lecture from a friend once, but most of the negative encounters I’ve had in regards to my being gay came within the gay community. Most recently I was harassed by a couple of other lesbians at Pride who assumed I was straight. I’m not easily offended, even by those sorts of events, but it leaves a different after-thought when it comes from other gay folks. 

10. Wendy, Tampa Editor:

11.Jenny, Boston Editor: 

I  rarely get offended but when I do I will make a big deal out it. My most recently offense was when I invited straight friends  to join for pride parade and one of them replied in the usually idiotic response of “Is there a straight parade? Where can i have pride for being straight?” Sometimes I let this go and laugh it off if they’re joking but the inflection in his voice had a little too much malice in it for my liking so I responded “Don’t make fun of pride because in some countries, it’s still illegal to be gay let alone celebrate the culture of homosexuality. People still get beat up and killed because of back handed comments that come out of ignorant mouths such as yours”. Needless to say, he apologized and never mentioned it again.

Editorial Staff:

13. Hans B., Editorial Assistant:

I’m tough to offend. I’ve faced off with Phelps and Falwell on a few occasions, so not much of what those types say really bothers me all that much. Usually, I see things that others find offensive as either funny or as a sad reflection on the person who said it, depending on how bad it was. The only thing that has ever really gotten to me was a bumper sticker you used to see out in the sticks every once in a while that said, “Help fight AIDS, Shoot a fag.”TNG