The reality of the situation is that no one enjoys annoying people to whom they can’t relate. This phenomenon is pervasive everywhere, and I guess it’s part of the human condition. I feel like sometimes this blog focuses on crappy parts of the gay community without realizing that these frustrations are commonplace in-group / out-group issues. Even this post, at the beginning, acknowledges the wide range of people who are gay … can’t it just be good to know that we’re pretty diverse and that there are fun gay people, ugly gay people, bitchy gay people, uncultured gay people, and really interesting gay people?

“So what if you’re fulfilling a cultural stereotype of a flaming homosexual in your personal tastes and general demeanor.”

You don’t get it. The point is not the guy was a “flaming homosexual”. The point is the guy was an asshole. And it would be nice if The Gays were not assholes. Do you really think Zack of all people has a problem with gender identity?

Also “fag discourse”? LOL! Wow.

“… the familiar, safe space of a gay bar.” Are you fucking kidding me?! Gay bars are ground zero for insecurity, self-loathing, hostility and projection. The best places for gay men to stand around ignoring each other, pretending their better than each other.

What are you all so fuckin scared of? Gay men, and quite a few dykes, are assholes. Hope that doesn’t make your head explode.

Thanks!

yes people bitch about music played at parties and “jimbo” if you are a dj and don’t want requests then don’t put out requests sheets, be cold and secluded, it works. if you welcome it, as i’ve witnessed at tng events, then you bring what may come.

this line is classic: “What, did your iTunes prescription run out in 2007?” and i don’t think i am the first to say it or a bad person but yeah you should re-fill your playlist, because it is pretty stale. i know every party has staples but 2 ting tings songs (that are well and worn out) in the span of 45 minutes is pretty selector program to me. it is what you get when you dj i know but if you throw parties a lot you gotta mix it up, move onto new songs and such, read blogs.

end note: people are bitchy, fucking deal with it. the world isn’t all smoothies and gummi bears. can we get over all this bitchymainstreamwhateverthefuckspearaton hate now and stop being so dire?

I think the analogy of faggot and N-word is really provocative in a very constructive way. I would love to hear someone with more knowledge of how the N-word is used among African Americans draw out that analogy more thoroughly than I am capable of doing. Isn’t the N-word sometimes used within the community to call out bad (and stereotypical) behavior? In other words, if a white person is lazy, then that’s bad. If a black person is lazy, then that’s bad and also carries all sorts of racist stereotypes that in turn impugns all black people. Likewise, when a straight person is bitchy and mean to someone, that’s bad. When an obviously gay person behaves the same way, I am personally embarrassed because I am gay and that faggot is reinforcing negative stereotypes about me. That’s not terribly articulate, but I hope my point comes through.

In any case, I really liked this post. It reminded me of how reluctant I once was to even bother trying to make gay friends because the only places I knew to find any were filled with faggots instead of gay people; at least I was unfortunate to meet a lot of catty faggots before I met nice gay people. I was skeptical that other gay people would be nice at some minimal level if I talked to them. It took a while for me to get over that. The truth of the matter is that familiarity can breed contempt. I am gay so I am hyper aware of what a gay asshole is like (HA!). If I were more familiar with some other subculture, I would be hyper aware of what assholes in that subculture are like. There are lots of assholes out there, in all shapes and sizes, and I think it’s a good thing to call some of them out every once in a while. And if I’m gay and they’re gay, and they’re acting like those described in this story, then “faggot” is an entirely appropriate way for me to think of them. They need to know that their bad behavior has an indirect impact on how I am perceived by others.

By reading this blog, one would think that DC (and gay culture in general) has nothing but “Aberzombies” who listen to Lady Gaga, are supercritical of others, and have meaningless sex.

1) Who the fuck cares who makes your t-shirt if you’re interesting to talk to?

2) What the fuck is wrong with listening to Lady Gaga?

3) What the fuck is wrong with meaningless sex if it’s consensual?

Lately, TNG has led me to believe that the “new gay” and the “old gay” have more similarities than differences. Both critique the mundane. Both are super-picky about music. Both judge others by their clothing and appearance. I’m sure Perez-fag was really catty about your music. Was anything he said more catty than “a sharp-tongued gorgon of a fag hag who looked like Lady Gaga had done her makeup with a blow gun”? Price check on pots and kettles please.

Yes, sometimes I’m annoyed by gays at the bar who bitch pettily about someone’s clothing, the music playing, or who-slept-with-whom. But guess what: It’s no worse than the uber-hipsters at Black Cat casting glares at the guy in khakis. And God forbid you play the wrong song on the Black Cat jukebox. Snobbery and pettiness is EVERYWHERE. Thankfully, most people, gay or straight, aren’t actually THAT bad.

I’m just gonna let old-gay Perez-fag and new-gay Indie-fag slap it out on their own. The rest of us are just sittin’ around, living life, being gay, and enjoying the company of those around us. Life is good for us no matter where we are. Thank God there are far fewer “old” and “new” gays than you would have us believe.

A lot of gay men are really horrible, nasty people for no reason but because that’s how they’ve learned to behave from their peers. Zack’s mission here is surely to raise awareness of this and encourage gay men to be their genuine selves instead of another tired stereotype.

Alright, let’s hit the main beats of this article and look at what you intended to/actually accomplish(ed). First up, “queer men” versus “fags.” Hmm. “Niggas” versus “black people?” All I can say about this is that it was funny when Chris Rock did it, but look, we aren’t there yet. You intended to separate the sane, well-adjusted homosexual male from the obnoxious and superficial one, but what you actually did is reinforce old homophobic ideals. By naming the good gay queer (a reclaimed epithet, elevated to highbrow status by its academic acceptance) man (human male; masculine; “normal”) and the bad gay fag (the traditional and enduring slur for gays), are you saying that “men” are not “fags” and “fags” are not “men?” Words matter, Zack.

Now, what else? Oh, right, your friends’ descent into faggy madness. So, they walked into the club and got bitchy, yes? Based on this [one-sided] story, this is actually the kind of behavior I detest as well, but mostly because I think bitching and whining are boring expressions of faux, tired, recycled “wit” (see: “Don’t trust something that bleeds for a week and doesn’t die.”) that demonstrate a lack of creativity and attention. Saying this, I also know that it feels good to spew some venom now and again (even if it is old, boring venom), and I’m not at all surprised that your friends (who’d all just met, yes?) chose to engage in this sort of gay pissing contest upon entering the familiar, safe space of a gay bar. You know, kind of the same way you bitch and whine on this blog?

Okay, last one, and possibly my favorite: faux-Perez. As far as I can see, this anecdote serves no other purpose than your own self-aggrandizement. You, the well-adjusted, indie-rock Queer MAN DJ refusing to play the dim, bitchy fag his fag music who is at first angered by your behavior, then so mystified and overcome by your enlightened instruction to “be a person instead of just being gay” that he had to offer you a blowjob ON THE SPOT?! Wow.

Here’s a thought: The lady doth protest too much. You complain about gay people being stuck in eternal high school, yet you engage in the same behaviors you complain about (even if in a different fashion): You spend countless hours thinking and writing and whining about your place amongst the cliques of the microcosm of society that is Gay DC, and I’m pretty sure that last story there just called a gay kid a “fag” in order to enhance your perceived sexual prowess. Sounds pretty high school to me, Zack.

But let me not make this solely about calling you out. Something I found that makes life easier is to simply stop caring. I spend exactly zero minutes of every day pondering the ways I do and don’t fit in with gay, straight, or whatever culture and this suits me just fine. As it turns out, once you find a way to be comfortable with yourself, you can actually fit in anywhere. So, take your own advice, be a person first, but don’t expect any of your readers to believe that someone who cannot steer clear of the very methods and behaviors he is railing against possesses that level of self-awareness or enlightenment.

As for Perez approaching the DJ, if he was as gay as he thought he was, he should know you don’t approach the DJ with a request. BIG NO-NO. We choose which DJ we know we will like. If you have to make a request, you’re at the wrong bar with the wrong DJ. Otherwise, don’t ask and keep drinking.

Or maybe that’s just me. But yes, for some reason, the (few) times I’ve been “out on the town” with some other gay men, the whole conversation is “bitchy” and comes from this disgusting, bigoted (yes I said bigoted) viewpoint. I definitely have fun with them, and there were times of good music conversation, or something like that, but other than that it just seemed like a big show.
I know the “escorts and cabdriver” comments all too well. As well as the racist ones.

Can someone write a post about the sickening irony of racism amongst homosexuals?

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