Zack's Ramblings: Rhymes With Maggot
For the purposes of this article, Zack Rosen is an accredited faggotoligist at TNG University. And yes, his other column is called “the Indie Rock Fag.” He’s aware of the ironies.
The longer I’ve been out in gay culture, and away from being the token homo in a straight group of friends, the more important it has become for me to hang out with other queer guys. Straight up gay men, bi guys, trans, other- in all I find a kinship and feel that I belong more than I do in any other subset of society. However, no matter how many gay bars I subject myself to or how many times I remind myself to be sensitive and open-hearted to the unique makeup of another person’s idiosyncrasies, I still cannot deal with fags.
A widely misunderstood species, the Common North American Fag thrives in every clime and locale. Their habitat ranges from mega discos to indie dives and every restaurant, venue and city park in between. Their plumage varies from Abercrombie to American Apparel, from feather boas to plain black t-shirts and Chuck Taylors. Though many people think they know how to spot the Common North American Fag (or CNAF), the only clear indicator comes when the species in question opens its mouth.
Most queer men are nice, decent people who both have some relation to queer culture, yet have not rejected every facet of their lives that does not directly relate to the superficial search for pleasure. Fags are not. Fags are bitter creatures whose reaction to the pain and isolation of growing up gay, no matter how old they are, has lead them to dedicate their lives to being gay, and being gay only.
Most fags are queer men who let their dark side emerge as a matter of surroundings. Fags forget the fact that they have mothers and sisters, and friends from before they came out. They forget (or remember too well) what it was like to be judged and denigrated their whole lives. They have lost the wisdom and perspective that comes with being an outsider, and sacrifice it for a mindless allegiance to a cult that would gladly grind them up for Kool-Aid without a second thought.
The best example I can think of comes from about a year ago when I was on a press trip to Las Vegas. My boyfriend and I spent the entire day hanging out with a gay journalist from another part of the country who was one of the nicest guys I have met to date. We spent the day talking about books, urban culture, relationships and our families. He shared stories about bad dates he had been on and food that he liked to eat. He was a great guy.
Flash forward six hours. The three of us decided to go to a divier gay bar, far removed from The Strip, that my boyfriend and I had enjoyed greatly the night before. We brought two other visiting writers with us. One was a cute guy with a beard who was refreshingly concerned with his carbon footprint and bought offsets for his SUV and plane trips. The third? Uh, he had nice eyes, I guess. That’s the most I can say about him without just being mean for the sake of it.
Regardless, the second these three men were removed from a general context to a gay one they shifted from perfectly pleasant human beings to catty bitches whom I would imagine a sinner would spend eternity tolerating in some ninth circle of sodomite hell. They made comments about the looks of every person around them. Their demeanor and tone of voice changed. They viewed the world through a prism of derision and venom.
“Uch, look at this place,” they said, surveying the dim lights and pool tables, the electronic card machines and co-ed clientele. “I bet they don’t even have bottle service here. I bet their version of bottle service is, like, a potato in a glass of water that they kept sitting behind the bar for a couple months.”
I found this so confusing, and then disappointing. I would never normally elect to hang out with someone so toxic. So how had I been duped? Is there some Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde complex that comes about from too much (or not enough) prostate stimulation? Does Genre Magazine hide “Manchurian Candidate” style coded messages in its photo spreads?
We quickly left the place at their urging and passed a row of small apartment complexes on the way back to what these fags considered to be civilization. One of them made a crack about how dingy all the domiciles looked. The other responded with, “The escorts and cabdrivers have to live somewhere.”
While the rest of them laughed, my boyfriend remarked quietly that we were in a cab without a partition. The only way the driver didn’t hear us is if he was deaf, and I highly doubt that deaf people drive cabs.
I hate to admit that my suspicion about gay people being stuck in eternal high school is true, but I’ve seen so little evidence to the contrary. The kind of behavior that should have died with note-passing and “7 Minutes in Heaven” categorizes exactly what gay men devolve into the second they enter a gay bar and start criticizing those around them based on their clothing, or when they get stone drunk at 2 pm on a Sunday and treat 17th St. like their monkey bars, or give no second thought to exclaiming in a crowded apartment that they don’t want a lesbian roommate because they, “Don’t trust something that bleeds for a week and doesn’t die.”
I DJ’d a party at a gay bar recently that was filled with a lot of nice people, and a couple truly unpleasant ones. One was a dead ringer for Perez Hilton who was accompanied by a sharp-tongued gorgon of a fag hag who looked like Lady Gaga had done her makeup with a blow gun, and who barked musical criticisms at me like I was her slave. She and faux-Perez kept coming up to the booth to tell me in no uncertain terms how my behavior as DJ was displeasing them.
First, the male of the pair reacted to the news that I didn’t have Lady Gaga by sneering, “What, did your iTunes prescription run out in 2007?” I informed him that yes, my pharmacist had forgotten to refill it.
He came back a little later, exasperated. “Look, we need to hear different music then this. We’re gay! We need to hear gay music!”
I responded that he should try being a person instead of just being gay, and that it might broaden his horizons.
He squinted back at me, and paused for a brief second before opening his mouth:
“I don’t even believe that you’re gay. I might have to suck your dick later to be sure.”
For the record, he didn’t.
Is this, like, about something?
Zack, this is the best post I’ve read on TNG in months. You nailed it. Cultural identity and sexual orientation are, as you have clearly demonstrated, two very different things.
More…
Ah.
This is the reason I surround myself with lesbians to receive my open, homosexual community. Seriously, find some more of these ladies Zack.
It’ll help.
Or maybe that’s just me. But yes, for some reason, the (few) times I’ve been “out on the town” with some other gay men, the whole conversation is “bitchy” and comes from this disgusting, bigoted (yes I said bigoted) viewpoint. I definitely have fun with them, and there were times of good music conversation, or something like that, but other than that it just seemed like a big show.
I know the “escorts and cabdriver” comments all too well. As well as the racist ones.
Can someone write a post about the sickening irony of racism amongst homosexuals?
I believe it depends on what gays you end up going out with. I’d like to think I prefer to go out with people who like to drink and check out guys as opposed to judging. Just don’t bother yourself with the judgers.
As for Perez approaching the DJ, if he was as gay as he thought he was, he should know you don’t approach the DJ with a request. BIG NO-NO. We choose which DJ we know we will like. If you have to make a request, you’re at the wrong bar with the wrong DJ. Otherwise, don’t ask and keep drinking.
Look, I get it, I really do. You’ve grown tired of the standard of gay = whiney/bitchy, but after this much whining and bitching yourself, are you really still pointing out a social ill, or are you just a mirror image, pointing in the other direction? “I know you are, but what am I?” No, no, no, no, no…
Alright, let’s hit the main beats of this article and look at what you intended to/actually accomplish(ed). First up, “queer men” versus “fags.” Hmm. “Niggas” versus “black people?” All I can say about this is that it was funny when Chris Rock did it, but look, we aren’t there yet. You intended to separate the sane, well-adjusted homosexual male from the obnoxious and superficial one, but what you actually did is reinforce old homophobic ideals. By naming the good gay queer (a reclaimed epithet, elevated to highbrow status by its academic acceptance) man (human male; masculine; “normal”) and the bad gay fag (the traditional and enduring slur for gays), are you saying that “men” are not “fags” and “fags” are not “men?” Words matter, Zack.
Now, what else? Oh, right, your friends’ descent into faggy madness. So, they walked into the club and got bitchy, yes? Based on this [one-sided] story, this is actually the kind of behavior I detest as well, but mostly because I think bitching and whining are boring expressions of faux, tired, recycled “wit” (see: “Don’t trust something that bleeds for a week and doesn’t die.”) that demonstrate a lack of creativity and attention. Saying this, I also know that it feels good to spew some venom now and again (even if it is old, boring venom), and I’m not at all surprised that your friends (who’d all just met, yes?) chose to engage in this sort of gay pissing contest upon entering the familiar, safe space of a gay bar. You know, kind of the same way you bitch and whine on this blog?
Okay, last one, and possibly my favorite: faux-Perez. As far as I can see, this anecdote serves no other purpose than your own self-aggrandizement. You, the well-adjusted, indie-rock Queer MAN DJ refusing to play the dim, bitchy fag his fag music who is at first angered by your behavior, then so mystified and overcome by your enlightened instruction to “be a person instead of just being gay” that he had to offer you a blowjob ON THE SPOT?! Wow.
Here’s a thought: The lady doth protest too much. You complain about gay people being stuck in eternal high school, yet you engage in the same behaviors you complain about (even if in a different fashion): You spend countless hours thinking and writing and whining about your place amongst the cliques of the microcosm of society that is Gay DC, and I’m pretty sure that last story there just called a gay kid a “fag” in order to enhance your perceived sexual prowess. Sounds pretty high school to me, Zack.
But let me not make this solely about calling you out. Something I found that makes life easier is to simply stop caring. I spend exactly zero minutes of every day pondering the ways I do and don’t fit in with gay, straight, or whatever culture and this suits me just fine. As it turns out, once you find a way to be comfortable with yourself, you can actually fit in anywhere. So, take your own advice, be a person first, but don’t expect any of your readers to believe that someone who cannot steer clear of the very methods and behaviors he is railing against possesses that level of self-awareness or enlightenment.
Manuela, I disagree with you, and for one main reason. There is far too much negativity in this world already. The last thing we need as a culture is to reinforce the stereotype that gay men are mean, bitchy fags. It’s time to call these “men” on their shit. The cycle needs to stop. And it won’t stop on its own. This is learned behavior, and new young gays coming out and making new friends are learning it for the first time every day. Thank you, Zack, for yelling “stop the madness” and raising this issue. If anyone who reads this piece stops and thinks for a second “Hey, that’s me and my friends, and no it’s not very fun, maybe I need to be a nicer person and/or find nicer friends” then Zack’s purpose has been met.
A lot of gay men are really horrible, nasty people for no reason but because that’s how they’ve learned to behave from their peers. Zack’s mission here is surely to raise awareness of this and encourage gay men to be their genuine selves instead of another tired stereotype.
Oh, and Manuela, I find it ironic that you claim that stepping into the “safe space” that is a gay bar allows gay men to turn into horrible, cruel people. Safe from the rest of the world, but unsafe from one another. Not safe in the least.
How many gay men do you REALLY know that are as terrible as you paint these guys? Or, for that matter, how many gay men are as terrible as the “old gay” stereotype (ahem, straw man) that TNG seems to obsess over attacking?
By reading this blog, one would think that DC (and gay culture in general) has nothing but “Aberzombies” who listen to Lady Gaga, are supercritical of others, and have meaningless sex.
1) Who the fuck cares who makes your t-shirt if you’re interesting to talk to?
2) What the fuck is wrong with listening to Lady Gaga?
3) What the fuck is wrong with meaningless sex if it’s consensual?
Lately, TNG has led me to believe that the “new gay” and the “old gay” have more similarities than differences. Both critique the mundane. Both are super-picky about music. Both judge others by their clothing and appearance. I’m sure Perez-fag was really catty about your music. Was anything he said more catty than “a sharp-tongued gorgon of a fag hag who looked like Lady Gaga had done her makeup with a blow gun”? Price check on pots and kettles please.
Yes, sometimes I’m annoyed by gays at the bar who bitch pettily about someone’s clothing, the music playing, or who-slept-with-whom. But guess what: It’s no worse than the uber-hipsters at Black Cat casting glares at the guy in khakis. And God forbid you play the wrong song on the Black Cat jukebox. Snobbery and pettiness is EVERYWHERE. Thankfully, most people, gay or straight, aren’t actually THAT bad.
I’m just gonna let old-gay Perez-fag and new-gay Indie-fag slap it out on their own. The rest of us are just sittin’ around, living life, being gay, and enjoying the company of those around us. Life is good for us no matter where we are. Thank God there are far fewer “old” and “new” gays than you would have us believe.
Maybe I shouldn’t be, but I’m still surprised when a commenter on this blog responds to criticism of aspects of gay culture by arguing that the criticism itself is just whining and bitching. It’s your right, Manuela, to not care and not think about how you fit in with others in this world. I’m actually a lot like you in that respect in my daily life. But it’s absolutely legitimate for other people to care about these things and point out bad behavior. And I don’t think this is all about where we fit in with gay culture in DC; it’s much broader than that, as the anecdote above from Las Vegas illustrates. I mean, Zack wrote a disclaimer at the top of this entry acknowledging the irony of his post before he wrote it. What sort of caveats do you need to hear before a person can express any opinion at all? Seriously, c’mon. Maybe this sort of commentary is retracing old terrain to an extent, but the “whining and bitching” critique in response is just really lazy if you ask me. Debate the substance of the arguments instead of questioning his motives.
I think the analogy of faggot and N-word is really provocative in a very constructive way. I would love to hear someone with more knowledge of how the N-word is used among African Americans draw out that analogy more thoroughly than I am capable of doing. Isn’t the N-word sometimes used within the community to call out bad (and stereotypical) behavior? In other words, if a white person is lazy, then that’s bad. If a black person is lazy, then that’s bad and also carries all sorts of racist stereotypes that in turn impugns all black people. Likewise, when a straight person is bitchy and mean to someone, that’s bad. When an obviously gay person behaves the same way, I am personally embarrassed because I am gay and that faggot is reinforcing negative stereotypes about me. That’s not terribly articulate, but I hope my point comes through.
In any case, I really liked this post. It reminded me of how reluctant I once was to even bother trying to make gay friends because the only places I knew to find any were filled with faggots instead of gay people; at least I was unfortunate to meet a lot of catty faggots before I met nice gay people. I was skeptical that other gay people would be nice at some minimal level if I talked to them. It took a while for me to get over that. The truth of the matter is that familiarity can breed contempt. I am gay so I am hyper aware of what a gay asshole is like (HA!). If I were more familiar with some other subculture, I would be hyper aware of what assholes in that subculture are like. There are lots of assholes out there, in all shapes and sizes, and I think it’s a good thing to call some of them out every once in a while. And if I’m gay and they’re gay, and they’re acting like those described in this story, then “faggot” is an entirely appropriate way for me to think of them. They need to know that their bad behavior has an indirect impact on how I am perceived by others.
Obviously, those are two different Johns. Any other Johns want to chime in?
john (2) – from rap music: “n word” with an “a” means brother or close friend as in “thats my n***A” right there”, but when it is used with an “er” ir is meant as a “bad person” or whatever racist bullshit. usually in rap music is pretty loose, i’ve heard “a” with both endearment and “fuck that “n word with an a”".
yes people bitch about music played at parties and “jimbo” if you are a dj and don’t want requests then don’t put out requests sheets, be cold and secluded, it works. if you welcome it, as i’ve witnessed at tng events, then you bring what may come.
this line is classic: “What, did your iTunes prescription run out in 2007?” and i don’t think i am the first to say it or a bad person but yeah you should re-fill your playlist, because it is pretty stale. i know every party has staples but 2 ting tings songs (that are well and worn out) in the span of 45 minutes is pretty selector program to me. it is what you get when you dj i know but if you throw parties a lot you gotta mix it up, move onto new songs and such, read blogs.
end note: people are bitchy, fucking deal with it. the world isn’t all smoothies and gummi bears. can we get over all this bitchymainstreamwhateverthefuckspearaton hate now and stop being so dire?
This post is offensive and redundant to other material you’ve put on this blog. Fag discourse is used to police masculinity similarly to the n word ploicing boundaries and behaviors of race. So what if you’re fulfilling a cultural stereotype of a flaming homosexual in your personal tastes and general demeanor. Aren’t you the one who is all about not being ashamed of fulfilling the cutural stereotype of the elitist hipster? Stop essentializing the mainstream as always already negative and your own lifestyle as always already free of trying to live up to something.
I am so tired of hearing legitimate critiques of gay men attacked, their authors dismissed as “whining and bitching”. I would not for a second equate Zack’s thoughtful post with the repressed rage of some petulant bitter faggot.
“… the familiar, safe space of a gay bar.” Are you fucking kidding me?! Gay bars are ground zero for insecurity, self-loathing, hostility and projection. The best places for gay men to stand around ignoring each other, pretending their better than each other.
What are you all so fuckin scared of? Gay men, and quite a few dykes, are assholes. Hope that doesn’t make your head explode.
Thanks!
re: Joel
“So what if you’re fulfilling a cultural stereotype of a flaming homosexual in your personal tastes and general demeanor.”
You don’t get it. The point is not the guy was a “flaming homosexual”. The point is the guy was an asshole. And it would be nice if The Gays were not assholes. Do you really think Zack of all people has a problem with gender identity?
Also “fag discourse”? LOL! Wow.
I’m going to have to agree with Manuela. I think this post, at its core, is saying, “I don’t like annoying, superficial people.” And with that, I totally agree. But I also don’t like straight guys who talk about pussy incessantly and have bizarre hang-ups with their masculinity, and I don’t like straight girls lacking a thought in their heads.
The reality of the situation is that no one enjoys annoying people to whom they can’t relate. This phenomenon is pervasive everywhere, and I guess it’s part of the human condition. I feel like sometimes this blog focuses on crappy parts of the gay community without realizing that these frustrations are commonplace in-group / out-group issues. Even this post, at the beginning, acknowledges the wide range of people who are gay … can’t it just be good to know that we’re pretty diverse and that there are fun gay people, ugly gay people, bitchy gay people, uncultured gay people, and really interesting gay people?
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