This post was submitted by Zack Rosen

This column, which I started to talk about the ways that my life as a gay guy intersects with my music tastes, has taken an overly serious turn lately. I’ve scorned the Washington Blade. Examined my feelings toward Pride. Stood up for “Hipster Culture.” But today let’s stop making sense for a minute and give all you people what you really want: Hot queers who make good music. Today’s Part 1 is of crushworthy queer boy rockstars. Next week I’ll be examining all the queer girls out there in indie-ville who get my strap-on in a bunch. I figure everyone out there wants to bang musicians, but there is something really special about a talented musician who would in theory want to bang you back. Even if, in reality, they are too busy partying and being successful to ever have you land on their radar.

Also, prominent queer musicians like David Bowie and Bob Mould are already high-profile for both their looks and undeniable talent. It goes without saying that they, along with folks like Lou Reed and Jimmey Sommerville, are so inherently crushable that I won’t bother restating the obvious here. Instead here’s a more contemporary (and yes younger, though this is no reflection on my attraction to older guys) list of some of the more notable (and notably attractive) queer musicians around today.

11. Gentleman Reg

I’ll admit that this list is prejudiced towards musicians I have met or interviewed. It gives you a better sense of somewhat might be like, and it usually means I have spent more time paying attention to their music. Gentleman Reg, former member of The Hidden Cameras and all-around nice guy, gets points on several fronts. His music is a deceptively interesting mixture of falsettoed, theatrical rock and good ol’ power pop, and he pulls off the “blonde with a beard” looks very well. (And lemme tell you, this guy is really fucking blonde.) Plus he liked the food at Kramers when I interviewed him there, which means that DC residents can take pride in the fact that he appreciates our cities “cuisine.”

10. Hercules & Love Affair’s Andy Butler

Most known for his collaborations with the also queer (but slightly less crushable) Antony Hegarty, the driving force behind disco/house revival group Hercules & Love Affair certainly appreciates his gay past. Though their popularity waxes and wanes, Disco and House both had indelible effects on gay culture and Andy Butler makes no bones about using their tropes in his wildly danceable songs. TNG readers will also appreciate that his best-known song, Blind, is actually about the disappointment one can feel when entering gay culture and discovering it’s nothing all that special. Oh year, the crushable part.  He’s got red hair and broad shoulders. In my book, that’s about as special as shitting gold. Which I’m not convinced he can’t do…

(For an example of his music, check out “Blind.”

9. Grizzly Bear’s Ed Droste

I’m gonna get rocks thrown at me for this, but I don’t subscribe that strongly to the Grizzly Bear fan club. I appreciate their songwriting skills, and their CSNY-worthy harmonizing, but I can’t listen to them for too long without getting bored. (Oddly enough, though, I greatly enjoy their side project Department of Eagles. Go figure.) Also, the first time I saw them the guy that does the Oohhh-eee-aaah background noises in “Knife” looked so much like The Muppet’s ghost of Christmas past that my friend Nat and I got a bad case of the church giggles and had to run out halfway through.

However, I owe their frontman Ed Droste a big thank you. He is doing for big noses what Grace Jones did for buzz cuts. Many out there (myself included) can be sensitive about the couple extra inches of cartilage they carry around on their face. We already gather as bears and otters. Maybe thanks to Ed I can find my calling in the burgeoning gay Anteater scene?

(For an example of their music, check out “Two Weeks.” )

8. Gravy Train’s Brontez:

How the hell did I not get the memo that Gravy Train was gay? Besides the fact that their audio and visual style calls to mind a bag of skittles in a tilt-a-whirl, they actually have a song called “You Made Me Gay.” Where have I been? Jeez, next they’re going to tell me that Liberace was a ‘mo too. My ignorance aside, its always great to know that a fun, danceable band actually has a homo contingent. Their member Brontez (seen in the above video with, alternately, the white round sunglasses and the orange shirt and drumsticks,) is also not too shabby to look at.

7. Island’s Aaron Harris:

A nice counterpoint to the off-the-wall shenanigans of this list’s number 8, the queer drummer for kitchen-sink pop band Islands seems more likely to serve you coffee than to blow your mind. He’s just some nice brown haired guy who happens to have lucked into a job that most people would dick over their sister for. Though most people tend to fall for the guitar player or the singer, there’s something to be said for the guy behind the scenes with the strong sense of rhythm. (And the inspiration for all those jokes about drummers without girlfriends being homeless.)

(For an example of his music, check out “Rough Gem.”)

6. The Clik’s Lucas Silviera

Though The Cliks’ transman lead singer Lucas Silviera undeniably looks great in a suit, he treads a perfect line of edgy androgyny that would probably appeal to anyone with genitals or a sex drive. Silviera opted not to undergo hormone therapy when he transitioned in order to preserve his his singing voice. The result is a set of shrieking pipes, a hot backing band and a self-confidence that makes their lives shows quite memorable. Plus, it would be remiss of me not to mention that his band’s moniker is a cross between the words “clit” and “dick.”

5. Hey Willpower

Hey Willpower, otherwise known as Imperial Teen member Will Schwartz, taught me a valuable lesson about pickup lines once. I interviewed him for my old job at The Blade, and then went out to see him at the Black Cat the following week. I’ve had a long (and misguided) fantasy about making out with an interview subject. But I have no tact or grace. And I do have a boyfriend. So my way of integrating all those relevant facts was to approach the muscly hip-hop appropriator and say “Hi, I’m Zack. I interviewed you last week. Would you like to make out with my boyfriend?”

The answer was a polite but resounding no. And despite the best efforts of Sia, who was there visiting her headlining girlfriend JD Samson, the club management asked us to leave when the mainstage cleared out and squelched all hopes of a second chance.

(I realize that wasn’t much about Will’s music. So check out “Hundredaire,” one of my favorite songs of all time.)

4. Cazwell

Though white rappers and gay rappers tend to get pigeonholed as novelty acts like Johnny McGovern, or talentless horror-shows, like Asher Rother, Cazwell has managed to maintain his sense of humor while producing genuinely danceable hip hop tracks. A fan of both autotune and the raunchy female guest vocalist, his songs like the Arthur Russel-sampling “All Over Your Face” are a lot of fun. And Christ on a cross does he have some muscles. I got to interview him in person last week. When I post that, expect a lot more expounding on said muscles, and how they looked in a teal LaCoste tank top.

(For an example of his music, check out “I Seen Beyonce at Burger King.”)

3. Chris Garneau

Imagine the kid that you would spend two hours staring at in coffee shop, only to have him slip out the door when you’re back was turned. You’d never see him again, but would spend a lot of time wishing you could. Now imagine if that kid was a piano-playing singer/songwriter with an angelic voice and some covert glam sensibilities. You’d have the Brooklyn musician Chris Garneau. His upcoming album El Radio showcases a gift for unsettling story telling and quiet hooks. And pretty green eyes. So much showcasing of the pretty green eyes.

(For an example of his music, check out Fireflies.)

2. Athens Boys Choir

Athens Boys Choir, the stage name of  transman Harvey Katz, calls himself a “single, white it,” but no amount of self-deprecating humor can disguise the fact that pretty much every person I know has a crush on him. And I mean everyone. The above video, for “Fagette,” should explain why. A good beat and hysterical rhymes take the forefront. But the most exciting part is the chorus: “I’ve got a dildo. I’ve got two dildoes. I’ve got three dildoes!”

You don’t say, Harvey. Maybe I’ll have to come over sometime and count them myself.

1. Bloc Party’s Kele Okereke

Normally it’s someone’s musical chops that catchy my attention, but in the case of UK arena-fillers Bloc Party it was a pretty smile. The band landed on my radar when it’s frontman Kele Okereke came out as bi upon the release of their second album. I’ve never taken the time to get into their music — they’re already three CDs in and the catalog to learn just gets more and more daunting. What I do know is that they have a way of making people move on the dancefloor. And I once saw Kele himself at my gym, letting off some steam before a Sunday show at the 9:30 Club. Not only did he tolerate my questions and introductions, but did it with a calm demeanor and a smile. All that should make me feel bad for trying to get a peek of his ass as he stepped into the single showers, but the experience was totally, completely, 100% worth it.

(And for a final example of his music, check out Helicopter.)

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