Comments on: Not Your Average Prom Queen: Girls in White Dresses — Or No Dresses At All! http://thenewgay.net/2009/07/girls-in-white-dresses-or-no-dresses-at-all.html For Everyone Over the Rainbow Fri, 25 May 2012 01:14:58 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.1.3 By: Margaret http://thenewgay.net/2009/07/girls-in-white-dresses-or-no-dresses-at-all.html#comment-13220 Margaret Sat, 11 Jul 2009 02:49:57 +0000 http://thenewgay.net/?p=10819#comment-13220 I'm actually in this situation right now (I picked up my girly, strapless dress in the color Pool today), and I'm just going to grin and bear it. Heels, clutch, make-up, the works. I *will* feel like I'm in costume on my dear friend's big day, and maybe this isn't such a bad thing. This wedding is in South Carolina -- I'm just fine with blending. On the other hand, I am bringing a date to this wedding -- a female friend so that I have a comfort zone of my own in facing the 500 friends of my dear friend's and her betrothed's parents. I can wear a little eyeliner in return for that. I’m actually in this situation right now (I picked up my girly, strapless dress in the color Pool today), and I’m just going to grin and bear it. Heels, clutch, make-up, the works. I *will* feel like I’m in costume on my dear friend’s big day, and maybe this isn’t such a bad thing. This wedding is in South Carolina — I’m just fine with blending.

On the other hand, I am bringing a date to this wedding — a female friend so that I have a comfort zone of my own in facing the 500 friends of my dear friend’s and her betrothed’s parents.

I can wear a little eyeliner in return for that.

]]> By: Sage http://thenewgay.net/2009/07/girls-in-white-dresses-or-no-dresses-at-all.html#comment-13217 Sage Fri, 10 Jul 2009 23:32:05 +0000 http://thenewgay.net/?p=10819#comment-13217 Some of the responses were quite egotistical in your survey. I found them disheartening. In my experience, I succombed to a dress ten years ago for my older sister's wedding. I was uncomfortable, but she wanted traditional so I was the bridesmaid in a dress with a shaved head and tattoos. I've been in two other weddings for friends-family you get to choose yourself. I was expecting them to be uncomfortable when I broached the topic and was pleasantly suprised. They said:"I love you for you. *I* would be weirded out if you wore a dress.". I may have gotten a few looks ("oh that's what a lesbian looks like!" says Grandma) but I will always appreciate my friends' love and acceptance of ME on THEIR day. Some of the responses were quite egotistical in your survey.
I found them disheartening. In my experience, I succombed to a dress
ten years ago for my older sister’s wedding. I was uncomfortable, but she
wanted traditional so I was the bridesmaid in a dress with a shaved head and tattoos.
I’ve been in two other weddings for friends-family you get to choose yourself.
I was expecting them to be uncomfortable when I broached the topic and was
pleasantly suprised. They said:”I love you for you. *I* would be weirded out
if you wore a dress.”. I may have gotten a few looks (“oh that’s what a lesbian
looks like!” says Grandma) but I will always appreciate my friends’ love and acceptance
of ME on THEIR day.

]]> By: soon to be bridesmaid http://thenewgay.net/2009/07/girls-in-white-dresses-or-no-dresses-at-all.html#comment-13187 soon to be bridesmaid Thu, 09 Jul 2009 19:19:32 +0000 http://thenewgay.net/?p=10819#comment-13187 I actually went through this very scenario with my sister. Luckily for me, she has very strong thoughts on the origin of marriage (for instance, she doesn't want to be "owned" by an engagement ring), so she already has some not-so-traditional elements to her ceremony. When I told her I wanted to wear pants as her bridesmaid, she thought I was joking at first, but eventually came around. She realized she'd rather have me comfortable and supportive on her big day than freaking out over what I was wearing. My favorite moment by far though was when my grandmother found out - and decided it meant she was allowed to wear pants, too. ;) I actually went through this very scenario with my sister. Luckily for me, she has very strong thoughts on the origin of marriage (for instance, she doesn’t want to be “owned” by an engagement ring), so she already has some not-so-traditional elements to her ceremony. When I told her I wanted to wear pants as her bridesmaid, she thought I was joking at first, but eventually came around. She realized she’d rather have me comfortable and supportive on her big day than freaking out over what I was wearing.

My favorite moment by far though was when my grandmother found out – and decided it meant she was allowed to wear pants, too. ;)

]]> By: Courtney http://thenewgay.net/2009/07/girls-in-white-dresses-or-no-dresses-at-all.html#comment-13186 Courtney Thu, 09 Jul 2009 19:14:15 +0000 http://thenewgay.net/?p=10819#comment-13186 Jean Ann - great piece. I think you make an excellent point in your conclusion: how far would acceptance/understanding stretch? In the planning phases, things may look brighter than when the actual wedding day comes nearer. Would the brides who originally say that it's "ok" for me to wear a tux all of the sudden change their minds, realizing how "different" or "non-traditional" the ceremony would be? What happens then? Bigger question: why does it all matter? Will there come a day when it won't? Or is that my positive thinking/optimism sneaking up on me? Jean Ann – great piece. I think you make an excellent point in your conclusion: how far would acceptance/understanding stretch? In the planning phases, things may look brighter than when the actual wedding day comes nearer. Would the brides who originally say that it’s “ok” for me to wear a tux all of the sudden change their minds, realizing how “different” or “non-traditional” the ceremony would be? What happens then?

Bigger question: why does it all matter? Will there come a day when it won’t? Or is that my positive thinking/optimism sneaking up on me?

]]> By: michael http://thenewgay.net/2009/07/girls-in-white-dresses-or-no-dresses-at-all.html#comment-13184 michael Thu, 09 Jul 2009 18:36:20 +0000 http://thenewgay.net/?p=10819#comment-13184 I also imagine that the dress is just the tip of the iceberg. What about make-up and hair? Once you break the dress-seal, the butcher bridesmades would have to either go all the way and get all girlied up or run the risk of looking like a dude in a dress, no? This also brings up the larger question of queer people participating in super traditional weddings. The last wedding I went to was really cool and atypical, God-free, and even had queer-inclusive and/or pro-gay-marriage statements as part of the readings. As the issue of same-sex marriage heats up around the country, anyone who has queer friends and is getting married should probably be attuned to these issues and might want to reconsider the fairy tale wedding with matching bridesmades and strict gender roles... Great piece. I'm looking forward to more from you, Jean! I also imagine that the dress is just the tip of the iceberg. What about make-up and hair? Once you break the dress-seal, the butcher bridesmades would have to either go all the way and get all girlied up or run the risk of looking like a dude in a dress, no?

This also brings up the larger question of queer people participating in super traditional weddings. The last wedding I went to was really cool and atypical, God-free, and even had queer-inclusive and/or pro-gay-marriage statements as part of the readings. As the issue of same-sex marriage heats up around the country, anyone who has queer friends and is getting married should probably be attuned to these issues and might want to reconsider the fairy tale wedding with matching bridesmades and strict gender roles…

Great piece. I’m looking forward to more from you, Jean!

]]> By: Marsha Brown http://thenewgay.net/2009/07/girls-in-white-dresses-or-no-dresses-at-all.html#comment-13181 Marsha Brown Thu, 09 Jul 2009 17:51:44 +0000 http://thenewgay.net/?p=10819#comment-13181 I thought the question was interesting. Now I am rather afraid we are still living in the Bridezilla century with a bride thinking, "It's MY day," rather than "How can I help my family and friends to have the best day ever celebrating with me?" Perhaps you should submit the question to Miss Manners at the Post. But I keep coming back to the thought of a dear person being horribly uncomfortable in the midst of my day. Wouldn't that make the bride also uncomfortable? Shouldn't it? I thought the question was interesting. Now I am rather afraid we are still living in the Bridezilla century with a bride thinking, “It’s MY day,” rather than “How can I help my family and friends to have the best day ever celebrating with me?” Perhaps you should submit the question to Miss Manners at the Post. But I keep coming back to the thought of a dear person being horribly uncomfortable in the midst of my day. Wouldn’t that make the bride also uncomfortable? Shouldn’t it?

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