This post was submitted by Michael

I wrote before about the complexities of being out at the workplace, and the potential awkward moments the sexuality question can bring about.  But then, I was discussing more interpersonal issues of having to constantly come out as office turn-over replaces familiar faces with new ones who haven’t had the benefit of seeing me at a happy hour or a colleague’s party with my boyfriend.  With all the talk of the looming struggle for marriage equality in the District and around the country, I can’t help but realize that being out at work serves a greater purpose than just nipping one-sided office crushes in the bud:  it helps raise queer visibility and garners support for our cause from allies.

I work for a quasi-governmental organization that has a very diverse mix of employees who live all around the region.  I wouldn’t be surprise if in my workplace, we have employees from every inhabited continent: I’m not sure about South America, but I know the rest are represented.  My colleagues live in the city and the far-flung suburbs, and everywhere in between.  While this wide mix of backgrounds makes it more challenging for me to find good friends and kindred spirits in the workplace, it provides me with an opportunity to share with a variety of people what a queer person looks like and how he lives his life.  I have the opportunity to find new allies in our continued struggle for equal rights.

The workplace is very interesting, because it’s pretty much the only place where you have little choice about with whom you spend your time.  In other situations in one’s life, you get to pick and choose those who are graced with your presence.  Even with family, once you are an adult you can choose to spend time with them, or –  to the great disappoint of your mother (or mine at least) — not.

While in these sorts of situations, it is easy to become someone you aren’t.  Especially for queer people who are accustomed to holding back their personalities in situations where the acceptability of queerness is unknown.  I have definitely toned down my personality a bit when I’m at work.  I wouldn’t go so far as to say it is self-censorship in as much as self-preservation.  After 3 years in this job, I’m finally just now coming out of my shell, so to speak.

There is one example in particular that motivates me along these lines.  One of our administrative assistants and I are slowly beginning to share our cultures with one another.

She initiated this process maybe a year ago when she noted that I was eating an apple that I had pre-sliced, and that it hadn’t turned brown.  She shared with me that her son prefers to eat his apples sliced, but he doesn’t like how the flavor changes.  I explaied to her that the air oxidizes the apple and changes its flavor and color, and that squirting lemon juice on the apple wedges will prevent that.   Months later, she helped me realize how easy it was to make unsweetend iced tea in the office using the few supplies in the pantry stocked by our employer.  Then yesterday, she saw me drinking a beverage out of a mason jar and stopped in to my office to ask me what it was.  I told her all about kombucha, the cultured tea that I’ve been drinking lately, and how I am now brewing it at home.  I pulled up a website and showed her all of the purported health benefits.  After a few minutes of chatting with her, I decided I was ready to take the plunge.

I pulled out a picture of my dog and showed it to her.  Excitedly, I wanted this woman to know that I had a cute new dog in my life.  I then explained that my “partner” works at home and can take care of her during the day.  I then went one step further and said that “he and I share the responsibilities.”   She didn’t bat an eye, and shared with me that her son wants a dog but she isn’t a big fan.

Now, either this woman is a really bad listener, or she simply didn’t think it was a big deal for me to be discussing my male lover with her.  I sure hope it was the latter.

But all this has me wondering:  should I put a picture of the three of us on my desk, pointed outwards?  How far can I go to share with my diverse group of colleagues that I too have a family and it consists of my boyfriend and our canine companion?  Can I print up a 8×10 photo of our “family portrait” and tape it on the door to my office with the caption “We Are Family?”  Should I hold a brown-bag lunch lecture where I come out to my colleagues and ask them to support marriage equality in their states?    Where else will I find myself surrounded by a group of people who may know and like me, but who don’t really know me.  What easier a group to convince of the merits of civil rights for queers than people who already see me as a person instead of as “a gay.”

If we are going to achieve the rights we so deserve, we queers need to be as visible as possible.  We need to drastically increase the number of straight people who know queer people and no longer see them as “the other” but instead as friends, family and colleagues.  The real question is, how does one go about doing this successfully?  Might not there be a backlash or negative reactions?  Might people not tell me that the work place isn’t an appropriate place for me to share my personal life?  I think our workplaces are the great untapped resource for marriage equality.  Now, how do we go about putting them to good use?

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