What Would Summer Do: Break the Ice!
What Would Summer Do? is an advice column for TNG readers posted every other Wednesday. Do you have a question for Summer Camp? Send it to her at wwsd@thenewgay.net.
This week’s WWSD is a little different. The question is not from a TNG reader who sent me an email. Instead, someone asked me a question last night at a restaurant. I was sitting with some friends, telling them how I write an advice column called What Would Summer Do. We all had a good laugh about this. I mean who would ever listen to advice from ME? I mean c’mon. If you’ve read any of my responses, you know that my advice is hardly helpful. In fact, some of my advice could get you arrested.
Well, this person who overheard part of our conversation leaned over and asked me a question that made me pause. Here is what she said:
Summer: I am planning a Mother’s Day banquet at my church this year, I need all the advice you could give me. Especially Ice-Breakers.
I nearly choked on the cherry in my Stoli Vanilla and Diet Coke. Church? Banquet? Mother’s Day?
I explained to this person that I don’t go to church. That I haven’t seen my mother since she chewed through my umbilical cord. And I certainly don’t eat at banquets. But she was serious and said she’d like my advice. I thought about how I like to break the ice. Here is what I suggested:
- Have a purse scavenger hunt. See who has a pair of scissors or a knife or a gun. Find out who has the most used tissues or condoms. See who has the most pictures or food stamps or soiled panties.
- Use post-it notes to write down names of famous mothers: Mother Teresa, Mother Mary, Mother Nature, etc. Put one name on each attendee’s back. People have to mingle around and ask the other attendees three yes or no questions to figure out who they are. It’s really fun and gets people talking and moving, especially if someone is “Mother Fucker.”
- Make origami. See who can be the most creative. If you don’t have paper, just tear out the pages in your bible.
- Play “I’ve Done Something You Haven’t Done…in Bed.” Have each person introduce themselves and then state something they have done in bed that they think no one else in the class has done. If someone else has also done it, the student must state something else until he/she finds something that no one else has done.
- Have an orgy. This is how I like to break the ice.
At that point, the person stopped me. She said, “You’re no Ann Landers. You’re a filthy-minded tramp.”
I said, “Duh!” and went back to chewing on my cherry. But, I’ll bet you anything that on Sunday she’ll be eating whisker biscuits and wearing a corsage made from Psalms 23.
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