This post was submitted by Amelie

I was kind of struggling for a post this week, but then things quickly changed, as I witnessed one of the most ridiculous things ever: the American Idol finale.

If you think I’m kidding, let me recap the people that performed throughout the night: The Black Eyed Peas. Carlos Santana. Rod Stewart. Cyndi Lauper. Queen Latifah. Jason Mraz. Keith Urban. The surviving members Queen. Lionel Ritchie. Kiss. And let’s not forget–Steve Martin on the banjo.

I haven’t watched American Idol since the first season back in 2000, when Corey and I’s obsession, Kelly Clarkson, took the crown. The finale show back then was much simpler, just K. Clark battling it out against Justin Guarini, with Kelly emerging victorious. However, tonight was something completely different.

The celebrity cameos were fun for various reasons. During the Black Eyed Peas performance, I learned that Fergie can’t sing. It turns out Cyndi Lauper is kind of insane. (I probably should have know that already.) Queen Latifah can pull off a skintight unitard. Rod Stewart has had the same haircut since 1980, and kind of looks like an old lesbian. Jason Mraz wears weird hats. During his performance with Kiss, contestant Adam Lambert wore what can only be described as shoulder-armor in an effort to blend in. Steve Martin quietly played the banjo and wore cool glasses.

The performances by this season’s past contestants were, more than anything, incredibly awkward–the girls had to sing a forced version of Fergie’s “Glamorous,” while the boys’ had to sing “If You Want My Body.” It reminded me of watching The Full Monty, only much more uncomfortable. The group numbers were also pretty painful.

And, of course, there’s the fact that American Idol is also part public shaming machine. Tonight’s show also featured male and female “Worst-of-the-Worst” awards, and the “Most Attitude Award.” The Most Attitude Award went to the contestant that auditioned in a bikini and told new judge Kara DioGuardi that she couldn’t sing. After accepting her award (in a bikini with new breast implants that Ryan Seacrest openly mocked, and Randy Jackson openly gawked at), she began singing her audition song. Midway through, out pops judge Kara, outsinging and out-bikini-ing Bikini Girl, as the latter just stood there grasping her microphone, not knowing what to do. Painful, yes, but I probably didn’t feel as bad for Bikini Girl as I should have.

All this would have been missed if my ladyfriend hadn’t forced me to start watching American Idol with her. And it definitely paid off–in a way that my forcing her to watch Deadliest Catch probably never will. There were enough ridiculous moments in these two hours of television to provide Morning Uppers for weeks–and I’m going to try to make that happen.

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