Friday Staff Survey: You’re Boring When You’re Straight
I conduct these staff surveys over email. I was happy about that this week, because if I had asked everybody the below question in person I would have received more stupid looks than the guy asking whose going to win the Harlem Globetrotters game. The answer to the below question is uniform but the different sentiments behind it are unique. The question, as suggested by Ed, is as follows:
If science developed a treatment that could make you heterosexual, would you take it?
There will be a par two to this question next week, so stay tuned. As always, feel free to leave your own answers in the comment box.
1. Zack, Co-founder and primary contributor:
I’m going to start the trend here by saying no. I briefly considered saying yes to play devil’s advocate, but don’t need everyone in the world to come to my house and forcibly revoke my “gay card,” as it is kep somewhere very delicate. (that being my china cabinet, of course.) Joking aside, I think that being gay is a really special part of my life. I wouldn’t have my boyfriend, my job or anything close to the life I have now i I was straight. It’s just one more barrier between myself and an ordinary life and for that I am blessed.
2. Michael, Co-founder and primary contributor:
The world needs more gay people, not fewer. How about a pill a woman can take to make her baby gay? Would that be unethical? Wouldn’t a straight pill be, too?
4. Allison, Staff Contributor:
straight pill? BO-RING
5. Matt, Staff Contributor:
Absolutely not. I am perfectly happy with who I am and have no desire to change anything about myself. As I opined in my column two weeks ago, coming out was a hugely important event in terms of my maturation. I rethought large parts of my life in a way which I probably never would have done as a prototypical straight male.
6. Philip, Staff Historian:
With all due respect to my heterosexual friends: no.
7. Rocky, Music Editor:
I was a practicing heterosexual for a minute. It wasn’t so bad. But there are a couple of truly awesome things about being gay (like making out with scruffy dudes and Mariah Carey) that totally make it worth the occasional hassle, so… danke but no danke. And if you happen to be a scruffy dude that likes Mariah Carey… :)
8. Maggie, Staff Cartoonist:
Yeah, no thanks. And does it make me a bad person that I now want to watch this?
9. Corey, Managing Editor and Staff Contributor:
No, I wouldn’t change anything because I think the transition would be awful. If I could choose to have been born differently, I’d be tempted to chose being bisexual, but maybe only if I was also a woman. Too complicated! I’m just happy to be comfortably queer.
10. Mike B., Staff Poet:
Fuck no! I’m just starting to get abs!
11. Adam, Chicago Editor:
In the words of the cracked out Whitney, Hell to the naw, Bobby! There are too many rules to being straight and it way too much fun being gay.
12. Jeff, Chicago Editor:
Absolutely not. R u kidding? We r automatically not normal…I wouldn’t trade that gift for anything. But if I did, would that come with an arousal to vagina? I’ve always wanted to sample!
Editorial Staff:
13. Jolly, Events Editor:
Whenever I hear this question I can’t help but think of the last X-Men movie when Anna Paquin’s character, Rogue, (spoiler alert!) chooses to undergo a treatment to make her not a mutant. Luckily for me my gayness doesn’t cause me to suck the life-force out of anyone I come into physical contact with (or does it?), so I’m gonna have to make a different call and say “no” to the gay cure.
14. Hans B., Editorial Assistant:
Hell. Fucking. No.
15. LB, Editorial Assistant:
I’m proud to be a lady lover! To quote the Kills, “‘Cause you’re boring, baby, when you’re straight.”
16. Gem, Editorial Assistant:
Gross! Not wouldn’t even consider it for a second. First off, “normal” is boring. Secondly, I’m too comfortable and happy with who I am to ever want to jeopardize that. Thirdly, would it matter? I’m still black; I’m still a woman; I am still marginalized. Even if I did do it and even if guaranteed that it would make my life “perfect,” what would I want with a life that does not challenge me?TNG
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Just out of curiosity, assume a “straight blog” posted a similar question – if science developed a treatment that could make you homosexual, would you take it?
I would imagine there would be a lot of “Hell. Fucking. No”s as well. How do we react to that?
Further, how do we react to certain medical treatments that DO change characteristics with which we are born, such as gender?
I was thinking along those lines as well, Regan… (I can’t think of an intelligent response to your “what if we asked heterosexuals?” hypothetical right this second, but it’s interesting.)
I also think it’s interesting that, even though it wasn’t in the original question, “cure” became “pill”, with implications of being simple, painless, etc (and the idea isn’t even palatable then!). Contrast that with what some people go through to better align their physical bodies with their gender…
Being straight, lemme tell you, it ain’t what it’s cracked up to be. ;)
Regan, et al.: wouldn’t we want everyone to be happy to be themselves, including straight people? I just don’t want straight people to wish I were straight.
Kyle, I think the point (or at least, part of how I was looking at it) was that the question has weight beyond who you sleep with, since our society does not value “gay” and “straight” equally. To say “I’m happy being gay” can very easily be heard as “I’m happy with myself, and I have achieved that in the face of society’s disapproval”. Conversely, to affirm, without further comment, satisfaction in being part of a privileged class (“I’m happy being straight” or “I’m happy being white”) could easily be heard as “I enjoy my undeserved privilege over marginalized groups”.
What I was remarking on as interesting was that, while the societal implications of the question are obvious for queer people (“Would you change to be more socially acceptable?”), the implications of the converse question, and it’s possible answers, might have been less obvious/examined.
Exactly, Alex.
Kyle: I do think we want everyone to be happy with themselves, and we should reject rhetoric that paints “otherness” in negative terms. What I was trying to point out (or at least draw out through comments) is that there are a number of responses above that equate being straight with being negative (Alison – “BO-RING”; Adam – “There are too many rules to being straight and it way too much fun being gay.”; Jeff – “Absolutely not. R u kidding?”; Hans – “Hell. Fucking. No.”; LB – “Cause you’re boring, baby, when you’re straight.”; Gem – “Gross!”).
Equating being straight with being normal, boring, or gross sounds an awful lot like the stereotyping we get out of homophobes. I know plenty of straight people who are anything but normal, anything but boring, and anything but gross (I also know plenty of gay people who are all of those). I would wager that if similar comments were posted on a straight blog in response to my question, it wouldn’t take long for us to cry foul (and for good reason).
I entirely agree with the posts that say our orientation – gay, straight, or anywhere in between – is something to be celebrated, something that makes us unique and gives us and our world character and diversity. Reject the notion that we should be something other than ourselves, but do it for the right reasons.
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