What is supremely frustrating to me is that any time anyone tries to take a point of view with some nuance or complexity toward this issue (or, god forbid, sympathy toward those who haven’t always been able to USE A CONDOM EVERY TIME), he or she gets painted as a barebacking apologist bug-chaser serial killer.

Why will you not acknowledge that what a person risks by having unprotected sex now is very different from what someone risked by having unprotected sex in, say, 1990? Do you really think the prevention message should be exactly the same when the disease is completely different? How do you justify that?

(For the record, E. coli infection IS an infectious disease, which can be avoided by making simple changes in one’s diet, and we DO know what behaviors to avoid in order to lower the risk of heart disease, cancer, and diabetes. Again, I am not saying these diseases are EXACTLY analogous to AIDS — though I have little doubt that you will respond by saying that that IS what I’m saying. I am saying that we knowingly take serious risks with our health every day in the name of pleasure, convenience, stupidity, or whatever you want to call it. I call it living.)

However, HIV *can* be contracted through a simple, one-time infection. And we all know how to avoid it. Ignoring those basic safeguards certainly enhances a few minutes of sex, but at the risk of contracting a serious and potentially fatal chronic disease. Which in turn makes that person capable of passing the virus on to another person.

You agree with me that some of us in the West are privileged enough to have access to antiretroviral medications, and imply that that fact somehow makes barebacking more permissible, or ultimately less risky. But what if a potential sex partner doesn’t have access to these tokens of privilege? Maybe an illegal immigrant, or someone unemployed or with a bad health plan. Is it their own hard luck? Or should people who engage in unprotected sex ensure that their partners have decent health insurance just in case?

In other words, you’re saying that barebacking’s OK — if you’re wealthy or privileged enough to afford the possible consequences.

If someone *can’t* afford the possible consequences, then they’ll need to depend on nonprofits or government for their healthcare. While that certainly saves lives, it burdens the entire community when infections happen due to people voluntarily refusing to follow safer sex practices despite knowing exactly how to prevent infections in the first place!

I’m not going to engage in any ad hominem antics here. I’ve already called casual barebacking stupid, and you haven’t said anything so far that’s convinced me to change my mind. But please, try.

First, I understood Zack’s post to be about American male homosexual culture, not Africa, didn’t you? We all know it’s different in Africa, but that’s not what we’re talking about.

And we “risk passing on or getting a disease that is potentially fatal” every day. E. coli, the flu, diabetes, cancer, heart disease, etc. etc. I don’t know why this is so hard for men of my generation to be honest about. If anything, those of us who survived the pre-antiviral phase of AIDS should be glad that AIDS is a very different diagnosis now than it was then.

And, finally, even though you say it’s not a judgment, calling someone stupid IS a judgment. And it’s not helpful.

And to everyone else: Thanks Zack for writing this. As a child of the 80s I remember well the AIDS hysteria, and even though I’ve gotten over my unreasonable fears, I proudly maintain my reasonable ones. I.e. if you don’t have safe sex ALL the time, then I won’t have sex with you ever. Of course you can take some liberties once you’re coupled and monogamous (and tested!), but casual barebacking is just plain stupid, whether you’re top or bottom. Not a judgment. Just a fact.

I’m not normally a blame-the-media person, but it doesn’t help that so many porn studios are putting out bareback porn. I think it does a huge disservice to the community and contributes to the attitude that it’s OK: “Hey, if porn actors do it for a living, it must be OK for me.” Of course, if a porn actor gets HIV, when do we ever hear about it? We don’t even know their real names. Besides, we’ve probably already moved on to the next raw muscle top or moany bareback bottom on Xtube.

I think there’s no better indicator of the rise of stupid risk-taking than the fact that I never used to know anybody around my age who was HIV-positive. It always used to be men 10 or 20 years older than me, and used to be a rarity. Rare because they were the survivors — the rest were all dead.

Now it’s not uncommon for me to meet people 10 years *younger* than me who have the virus. Of course I’m glad the ones I come across in my narrow circles are privileged enough to access the medical care that lets them live their lives. But the mere fact that their numbers are growing really disturbs me, since there’s absolutely no reason they should.

What I think we should be extolling rather is the virtues of non-penetrative intimacy. Because AIDS exists, many people either cannot penetrate their partner, or they can only do so at great risk.

There a million reasons not to wear a condom, but none of them trump the one very important reason to wear one. That one reason is a literal matter of life and death.

do not help. One of the reasons I think it’s difficult to create a culture of safety is that there is so much sloppy journalism about the facts. AIDS is not a matter of “life and death,” in the way that it was 25 years ago. That message was true then. It’s not true any more. The issue now is more along the lines of, “Don’t smoke, you’ll get cancer,” or “Don’t eat at McDonald’s, you’ll get heart disease and diabetes.” They’re not exact analogies, but they’re closer than the old death sentence analogy. It is a horrible disease to deal with the rest of your life, but in most cases not a death sentence.

I don’t know if it’s possible to create an effective prevention message on the scale of the “condom rule” of the 80s and 90s. People will take risks for pleasure and convenience. They drive their cars fast, they ride their bikes without helmets. This is true especially if the consequences are deferred. People smoke. People eat fast food. People go to rock shows without wearing earplugs.

But I think it’s better to be honest and clear. Scare tactics — like exaggerating the risk — have a limited effectiveness. I think most people are too smart to fall for it, and it makes you less trustworthy in the future, so the message backfires.

I have stirred up painful memories, been the one to inform people that old friends of theirs they lost track of had died, and generally spent the past several years living with ghosts.

If you are not using a condom during sex to help prevent catching and/or spreading HIV/AIDS, please think of the people who love you–and love your sexual partners–and whose lives would be so deeply changed through your actions.

I would say one thing to contradict you. HIV positive individuals still need to use condoms. There is an old adage: The HIV you get is not the HIV you give.

The virus evolves. If you swap viruses with random strangers, it gives the virus the opportunity to improve its ability to become resistant to drugs and kill you faster. About a year ago, there were stories about “superbug” HIV strains in New York City, which killed people in a few years time after initially getting infected.

Also, even if you top and are negative, wear a condom. You can get infected. It is more difficult to do than being on the receiving end of anal sex, but it is still possible. One of my friends contracted it this way.

Sorry for this rant. Thanks again for posting, Zack.

Remember don’t be a fool, wrap your tool.

And…. Lifestyles is about to release a new improved line of condoms that will allegedly change sex forever (http://www.lifestyles.com/skyn.php). So… no more excuses.

In related news, today is “Back Up Your Birth Control Day,” which is an effort to promote awareness about Emergency Contraception/Plan B (soon to be available without prescription thanks to a recent court decision in NY). Even though unplanned pregnancy isn’t an issue most of us have to worry about, it’s imperative that options like this receive more media attention. Spread the word!