“What Would Summer Do?” (WWSD) is an advice column for TNG readers published every other Wednesday.

Happy New Year TNG Readers!

Once again, it’s the time for refreshed and reenergized resolve. Time to set goals and stick to them. But, if you’re like me, you’ve already fallen off the wagon of good intentions, and your resolutions lay in a sticky wad on the bathroom floor mixed with lint and pubic hair.

But don’t panic dear readers! Though I can’t maintain an exercise routine or quit drinking two six-packs of Pabst each night before bed or stop watching Antiques Roadshow, I’m still the perfect person to dole out advice that has been clinically proven to help reduce stress, anxiety, and gray hair.

Last year, you wrote about your failing finances, lackluster love life, and nagging neuroses. But lately, the well-of-needy-letters has gone dry. Maybe you’ve been busy writing letters to Santa Claus. Um, that fat-ass might bring you shiny toys, but he can’t tell you if your girlfriend is cheating. Or if you need to buy a new wardrobe. Or what to do about your nasty toe fungus. But Summer Camp can! I’m still here. On my knees. Waiting. Begging. Drooling. PLEASE send me your letters! I want to help you.

Here’s how it works: Every other Wednesday, I’ll answer one lucky reader’s desperate plea for advice. And this year, I’m adding cartoons! Yup, TNG’s own Maggie will add some illustrative spice to Summer’s advice!

Send your letters to wwsd@thenewgay.net.